Her Negotiation
by Bellatrix wannabe 89
Summary: Olivia kept breathing, hard, trying to stay awake as she struggled to keep her mind off of what had been done to her and focus everything onto the one person she wanted and needed more then anything, hoping with all her might he was still alive after what The Beast had done to him and that she might see him again. If he let her survive... Pre Ep fic for Season 14 Finale. Bensidy
1. Chapter 1

I own no one but my own people

A/N So I seriously cannot wait for the Season Finale of SVU. And with less then 70 hours to go, I decided a little Pre Ep Fic of 'Her Negotiation' as a little treat we can all enjoy until Wednesday comes.

Olivia could barely comprehend any of the going ons around her. It was taking all of her concentration to merely keep breathing.

Her clothes, which had been ripped from her some hours ago, laid in tattered pieces around what he had intended to be her tomb and she was shivering not only from the damp cold but from the shock that came from everything he had done to her along with the blood loss that seemed to be coming from everywhere.

She had no more strength to cry though. She had done enough of that already and it didn't hold him or his attacks off so what was the point now that he and that video camera of his was gone.

Her arms were in agony, being tied at the head of the bed for hours on end at this uncomfortable angle and she wanted nothing more then to surcome to the sleepiness that was plaguing her.

But she couldn't. She couldn't because she knew if she fell asleep she might not ever wake up. He had taken so much from her in these last eighteen hours. Her dignity, her pride, her strength but she would not give him that. He would NOT be the cause of her death.

She kept breathing, hard, trying to stay awake and struggling to keep her mind off of what had just been done to her and focus everything onto the one person she wanted and needed more then anyone, hoping with all her might he was still alive after what had happened to him and that she would see him again.

So she prayed that she would be rescued soon and if they couldn't find her, that her death would be painless and he would find someone worth loving again.

Olivia heard the door creep open and her eyes closed when she heard that soft sadistic chuckle. "Did you think we were done? Nah, Sweetheart," he whimpered as he looked her up and down, "I still got some plans for you..."

1 Week Earlier

"Oh God, Brian!" Olivia moaned, her nails leaving deep marks on his back as she threw her head back. "Harder! Harder, Brian, please!"

Brian Cassidy let out a grunt as he followed her directions and began pistoned in and out of the beautiful brunette underneath her even harder then before, hitting her Gspot with every thrust, kissing her possessively on that one spot behind the ear that drove her absolutely mad with one hand tangled in her hair and giving it a sharp jerk every so often while his other was aiding her as he massaged her engorged clit.

"I'm coming!" she gasped, pressing up tight against her. "I'm coming! Bri!"

"I got you, Baby," he groaned, feeling very close to the edge himself. "Let go. Let Go, Liv, I gotcha."

He pushed into her hard several more times before he pulled out so only the tip was left inside her before he slammed into her, bottoming out inside of her and letting out a yell when he finally reached release.

Olivia let out a scream as her orgasm took over completely, clenching down on him while waves of pleasure crashed down on her. She held Brian tight against her body as the effects ripped though her. He gave her little jerks with his softening dick that was still inside her every now and again that would begin to kindle what she had just experienced.

Brian collapsed on top of her, his breathing heavy in her ear, both of them panting like they had just ran a marathon. When he did pick his head up he kissed her hard on the lips and only when both were starving for oxygen did they release one another.

"That was incredible," he moaned as he rolled off her.

Olivia nodded, her breathing still heavy. "Hell of a lot better starter in the morning then coffee."

Brian chuckled before he took her hand in his and brought it to his lips. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Liv."

"Good thing you'll never have to find out." she said with a smile.

Brian chuckled as he looked at his watch and groaned. "I gotta go shower," he grumbled before he looked back at her. "You mind getting the coffee started?"

Olivia, who had been given the day off by her boss, nodded. "Sure."

Brian gave her a short lived chaste kiss. "Thanks, Babe."

With another kiss to tide them both over, Brian got out of the bed, stretched, and shuffled towards the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

Olivia sighed happily as she flopped down on the bed with a beaming grin on her face once the door had latched. There was no denying she was falling for the man who had just made love to her.

She laughed quietly to herself as she heard the soft off key singing coming from the bathroom as the shower began running. It wasn't the singing she was laughing at so much as she had let it slip once that her Ex, David Haden, had the most incredible phenomenal voice she had ever heard. So every chance he got to prove to her that he was a better singer was never missed, even when facts told a completely different story.

With a smile still plastered on her face, Olivia got out of bed and got dressed in clothes that she could just as easily lounged around in or go out for errands before she made her way to the coffee maker where she quickly began brewing the bitter tasting liquid nether she nor Brian could live without.

After that was done Olivia went over to the couch and sat down, picking up the bock she had started before Brian had come over last night, ignoring the mess of wine glasses and dinner plates on the coffee table before her that she and Brian left there last night, and settled comfortably into the couch.

It took ten minutes for Brian to emerge from the bathroom dawning only a white robe and headed for the fridge, getting out an apple for breakfast and a cup of coffee to ensure he survived the day.

"Thanks so much, Babe," he said as he walked over to where Olivia was sitting. He leaned down and kissed her forehead, Olivia closing her eyes and smiling at the tender moment. "You're amazing."

"Well you deserve to have someone amazing," she threw back as she looked up at him, a soft smile on her lips. Brian chuckled before he leaned down once more and kissed her lips before he pulled away and headed back into the bedroom. Olivia watched him walk away for a moment before she turned back to her book. He reemerged twenty minutes later dressed in his uniform with his gun belt around his waist.

"Sorry I gotta leave so suddenly," he apologized.

"It's fine, go catch some bad guys," she said with an understanding grin. "I'll be here when you're done."

Brian smiled at her before he leaned down and buried his lips in her hair. "I love you, Liv."

Olivia's whole world came to a screeching halt. What did he just say? Her throat suddenly felt ten times tighter then it should have and her heart pounded against her chest.

She swallowed hard, mustering up a smile that appeared more like a grimace. "Tha- thank you..."

Brian's face fell as did Olivia's. "Bri, listen," she began softly.

"No, it's fine," he interrupted waving it off like she hadn't just broken his heart, acting like she couldn't see the pain in his eyes. "I um... I gotta go to work though so I'll see ya later, Liv," he told her as he turned tail and walked briskly out of the apartment.

"Brian, wait, please!" But the door shut behind him before she could even finish. Olivia let out a frustrated groan as she flopped her head against the couch, her smile replaced by a worrisome frown.

Her perfect day off had just quickly did a complete 180. Little did she know that the events about to unfold would turn what had just happened between her and Brian in a perfectly happy cheerful situation...

Please Review. I promise more updates before Wednesday :-)


	2. Chapter 2

I own no one but my own people

THIS STORY CONTAINS FINALE SPOILERS!

A/N So let me first say I'm sorry for not updating this sooner. There were circumstances beyond my control. Second, thank you SO much for the reviews. It really means a lot lot me. Thirdly; um, yeah I'm dead. The finale absolutely killed me and I'm writing from beyond the grave. That little whimper Olivia did when he moved the gun from her head to her shirt right before he pushed her... I was shaking for like at least fifteen minutes after. Also I had NO idea how evil The Beast was so seeing Olivia in his clutches (After Cragen sends her off for 2 days!) like killed me lol.

Anyway; this is going to basically turn into an alternate ep fic now and I REALLY hope you like it.

Anyway, enough personal comments. Plase Read, review, and enjoy. But mostly enjoy. And don;t die from the finale as I have.

Please

Olivia heard the door creep open and her eyes closed when she heard that soft sadistic chuckle. "Did you think we were done? Nah, Sweetheart." She whimpered as he looked her up and down, "I still got some plans for you..."

The brunette Detective swallowed hard as he walked up to her, his footsteps echoing loudly with every step. She prayed that somebody, anybody, would come to her aid but Cragen had to announce to the squad she was to be left alone for two days.

Lewis William, the real name of The Beast, sat on the edge of her bed and reached into his jeans pocket. He turned and smirked as his captive, watching her face intently as he pulled out the objects from their depths, her eyes going wide with fright as she realized what they were.

A pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

"Please." Olivia's voice cracked, tears streaming down her already bloodied face as he took one of the cigarettes out and lit it. "Please, don't. Not that, anything but that."

Lewis considered her carefully, cocking his head to the side as if he were deciding between what shirt to wear for the day. "What would you be willing to do if I don't?" He took a long drag off of the stick, it's end blowing a bright hellish red.

"Anything," Olivia answered quickly as more tears streamed down her face. "Jus- just no fire! Please!"

Lewis looked her up and down, lingering on every place he had already made scars. A sick sadistic smile grew on his face as he stood up from the bed and unzipped and lowered his jeans, throwing them to the floor before he straddled her. Olivia whimpered softly as he grabbed her hips and flipped her over so she was face down on the pillow.

Lewis shoved his legs up under her and ran his hand over her ass, one hand caressing it fondly for a moment before he slapped it, hard, while the other stoked himself, laughing as Olivia let out a yelp of pain.

He leaned down and nipped painfully at her neck. "If you think that hurt your sweet little ass," he hissed in her ear as he spread her cheeks apart and placed his tip at the opening no man has ever touched, making her cry out in pain which only made him grow in stature. "You haven't felt anything yet..."

He slammed the cigarette down on her cheek, pressing it down on the skin with a sickening smell and hiss to accompany it while Olivia let out a blood curdling scream...

**One Week Earlier**

After Brian had left the apartment, Olivia slumped down on the couch, her book and errands forgotten, as her mind whirled over what had happen.

What had started off as one of the best days off she had ever had quickly turned as sour as she could imagine after Brian left.

He said he loved her. He had actually said he loved her... Olivia had only said the L word to two people in her entire life outside of her family. Her thirty five year old boyfriend when she was fifteen and then her fiancee when she was sixteen but both of those situations had ended in disaster.

Her older boyfriend's company had him transferred to another state and she never saw him again and her fiancee didn't want to deal with her mother or the repercussions she had threatened him with.

So since then she had never said it to anybody. There had been a few guys over the years she had particularly strong feelings for. Jeff York, Andy Eckerson, Dean Porter, Kurt Moss, David Haden... But she had never once said that particular phrase to any of them nor had they offered it to her.

She knew that Brian felt something for her and she knew she felt something back but to actually acknowledge their feelings aloud to each other? That was a whole different story altogether...

Hoping with every bit of hope she possessed that Brian would call her, Olivia waited anxiously by the phone until it rang, sending Olivia's heart into her chest.

"Brian?" she answered, hoping with all her might it was true.

"No it's Rollins," the voice on the other end responded, the Georgian accent riddled with puzzlement. "You okay?"

Olivia sighed as she leaned back on the couch, her face drained of all hope it had held for that one moment. "Yeah I'm fine," she lied through her teeth. "What's up?"

"Well I was in the park this morning and these two teenagers said this guy was flashing them and I arrested him."

Olivia narrowed her eyes in confusion at the phone before she turned back towards the call. "Okay... And?"

"And I just get this really bad vibe from him, Olivia. Something don't seem right."

"He was flashing women in the park, of course he's gonna give you the creeps," Olivia told her with a shrug. "You haven't worked SVU long enough not to get creeped out."

"No it wasn't a creeped out feeling it was something else. Something bad."

Olivia held back a sigh as she rubbed her temples in annoyance, trying to remember that twelve years ago she was in the same shoes Rollins wore. "Did you run prints?"

"He doesn't have any."

"Then that should ease your mind a little."

"No I mean he doesn't have any prints. At all."

"That's usually a good thing."

"Olivia, you're not getting what I'm telling ya," Rollins argued. "He has no fingerprints. Literally. They were burnt off or cut off or something but all that's their is scars."

Olivia sat up on the couch suddenly much more interested in this conversation then what she was five seconds ago. "Only one reason to burn off your fingerprints. You got something you wanna hide. Did you run his name?"

"Nothing."

The brunette detective got up from her couch and made her way to her bedroom where she hastily fastened her gun belt and pulled on shoes. "Call Cragen, Fin, and Amaro. Tell them to get to the station house now. I know it's their day off but this takes precedence."

"Got it. And I'm sorry for ruining your day. I know how much you were looking forward to spending the day with Cassidy."

Olivia shrugged although she knew Rollins couldn't see the gesture. "It's fine. He kind of ended that possibility a little while ago."

"Eesh," Rollins hissed in imitative pain. "Trouble in paradise?"

"You don't know the half of it. I'll tell you about it later."

"Alright," Rollins agreed, recognizing the request to drop the subject. "I'll see ya in a little while, Liv."

"See ya."

Olivia ended the call as she shoved her phone in her pocket. She walked over to her stove and over and double checked they were turned off, an old habit dating back from the time she was six.

Being burnt had been her greatest feel since she was six. Her mother had gotten hungry during one of her drunken binges and left the stove on, passing out soon afterward. The apartment had caught on fire and Olivia woke up to her room filled with smoke and flames. Being more frightened then she had ever been in her life, Olivia got up and ran under her bed, sobbing and screaming for her mother to come get her.

One of the flames had licked her leg to the point there was a still a scar on her upper thigh to this day only her lovers had seen and she decided right then and there there was no bigger pain in existence then being burned.

Thankfully her neighbors had already called the fire department and they rescued Olivia and her mother quickly and both had survived as if nothing had happened sans the marking on her thigh.

But still, even to this day, her biggest fear was feeling the heat of fire against her skin again...

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	3. Chapter 3

I own no one but my own people

A/N Okay I just gotta say the reviews and the tweets telling me this story is helping you get through the wait are seriously the best compliments I have ever received on a fan fiction so thank you like BEYOND much. And please read, review, and enjoy. But mostly enjoy :-)

Olivia was screaming harder then she had ever screamed before. It wasn't the ripping pain that came from Lewis slamming himself in and out of the place only he had been inside, after ten hours alone with him, that pain was almost numb to her, it was the constant jabs with his smokes that was making her shriek. He'd jab her on back, her ass, her thighs, her breasts...

"STOP!" screamed Olivia, tears gushing so hard she could barely see as he slammed the cigarette against her already ripped and bloody sex. . "PLEASE!"

Lewis merely laughed at he slammed into her, holding the cigarette against her skin, his thrusts less controlled and more frenzied and wild now. He took the smoke and slammed it against her folds as he bottomed out in her, letting out a satisfied moan as his semen gushed inside her, the hot fiery stick finally burnt out.

He collapsed on top of her, panting for breath, his softening member still inside her. Olivia laid on the bed sobbing from the pain, her most intimate parts littered with ugly round burns. After Lewis caught his breath he flipped her over so she was facing up once more. He smiled that sadistic grin at her as he gazed into her tear filled eyes.

"You really don't like fire do you?" he asked, his cruel smirk not diminishing, his fingers running over the burns he had made on her chest and pressing down on them. Olivia couldn't answer and only sit there and sob, her body trembling. Lewis climbed off of her and undid her binds and pulled her by the hair off of her bed, grabbing her shield as well. Olivia was far to spent and in far too much pain to fight back so he had no problems dragging her out to the kitchen.

He grabbed a chair and slammed her down on it. Grabbing the same cable he used to tie her down in the bedroom, he had sitting on the kitchen table he walked behind her and jerked her arms behind her back, binding them together tightly before binding them to the chair.

Lewis got in front of her again and knelled before her. "Come on, Detective," he cooed almost like a lover would as he grabbed her thighs and wrenched them open, running his gun up her thigh. "Spread those legs for me.

Olivia swallowed hard as he forced her legs apart as far as he could before binding them with the same cable.

He looked up at her, grinning at her as his gun continued to stroke her leg. "This is gonna be fun." Lewis stood up from the ground and headed towards the stove. He put the shield face down on one of the burners and turned it up high.

"You know," he sighed as he watched the thin metal grow hotter. "I really don't have a problem with women."

Olivia remained silent, choosing to keep silent on the matter as she tried to turn to look to see what was happening. "I really don't," he continued as he pressed the shield down tighter on the burner. "Everyone thinks I'm this huge masochist who feel women shouldn't have authority and that isn't true at all. I have no problems with women lawyers or doctors or cops and I respect them."

After he saw the shield had grown red hot he picked it up, biting his lips and letting out a soft moan while the pain radiated through him.

He came around to Olivia again and knelled down beside her, showing her the red hot shield. "I just think their screams sound the sweetest," he whispered.

Olivia, realizing what was about to happen, began to struggle against her binds to no avail. "Don't!" Olivia gasped as he made a move towards her sex with the red hot brand, already feeling the heat when it hadn't even touched her skin yet. "No! NO!"

Just as Lewis was about to slam the brand on her skin there was a soft knock at the door.

His hand slammed over her mouth and he cut her binds before he dragged her back to her bedroom and threw a familiar white cotton robe at her.

He twisted her around and pressed the barrel of the gun tight against her forehead. "I even THINK," he snarled, "that you're giving a hint of whats going on a bullet goes through your skull and I make whoever's on the other side of that door take your place." He shoved her towards the door and hid out of sight with the gun aimed at her head. "Get rid of them quickly," he mouthed.

Olivia nodded and wiped the tears form her eyes as she struggled to lessen her trembling. With as deep a breath as she could manage, she opened the door a crack, stunned at who was on the other side...

**One Week Earlier **

Olivia drove up to the precinct where she saw Amaro pulling up as well. "First Sunday off in a month and she has to call us in because she's spooked," she called out to him as he walked over to her dawning a backwards baseball cap. "Rollins does know it's the weekend right?" she asked as they began walking towards the office.

"Now what did you do, tie Cassidy up to a no parking sign?" Amaro chided. "He can come in."

Olivia faked a smile at the mention of her boyfriend, deciding now wouldn't be the best time to admit they were having issues. "Cassidy's fine," she lied with a faux laugh. "I left him in a sports bar watching the Mets game."

Amaro glanced over at her and his face fell, seeing right through the lie she had told him. But as he had learned already regarding his partner and her boyfriend, interfering probably isn't the best idea.

They met up with Fin and Cragen who joined in the Rollins heckling as they made their way into the precinct, showing their badges to the guard Cragen had posted there after the last in house shooting.

Rollins explained to the rest of the group what she had already told Olivia and the more she spoke Olivia realized that Rollins had a point and felt guilt for chastising her over feeling creeped out over this guy and as she looked around the room she could see that the rest of her squad was realizing that maybe Rollins was onto something.

Biting back a comment that Rollins dog had her owners same hair color, Olivia listened patiently as Cragen dolled out the duties. While Rollins and Fin went and talked to the victims, Cragen walked into his office which left Olivia and Amaro to talk to their perp.

Just as Olivia climbed off her desk a ringing erupted from her pocket. Olivia glanced at the caller ID and felt her spirits lift as she saw the name on the caller ID and the contact photo.

Olivia turned towards Amaro and opened her mouth to speak but Amaro just gave her an understanding smile and walked towards the interrogation room to give her some privacy.

The moment he was out of ear shot Olivia answered the phone and held it to her ear. "Hey, Bri," she answered with a smile. "How you doing?"

"Good." Cassidy's short monotone worded answer made her face fell. She sat down at her desk and waited for him to finish. "I um... I needed to talk to you."

"Yeah," she muttered, lowering her voice significantly. "Look, Brian, I wanted to apologize for this morning. I was gonna call you but-."

Cassidy interrupted her apology. "No, Liv, don't. It's- it's fine."

"Then why don't you sound fine?" she challenged., her own words as heart broken as his own.

There was a long pause before he spoke. "I just..." he sighed and she could practically see him running a hand through his hair. "I don't know, Liv. I know it's not fair to you for me to be upset at you for not saying it back but I can't help it."

"I'm sorry," she told him, again, meaning the word with all of her heart and then some hoping her sorrow for hurting him would be conveyed through the phone. "Brian, I really am but I just wasn't ready."

"I know that now," he told her. "But you're the second person I ever said it to and to get it stomped on like that-."

"I've had it said to me too," she told him, her voice rising in anger. "And you know what? I said it back to two guys, one of them my fiancee, and they both broke my heart and left so forgive me for not wanting to jump on that bandwagon."

"I'm not gonna leave you, Liv, I care too much about you," he told her, his anger also shining through his words. "And what, you think you think you got it bad because your boyfriend and fiancee broke your heart? The woman I was gonna marry was raped and murdered but I don't let that dictate how I feel about you!"

Olivia ran a hand through her hair, tears burning in her eyes as he yelled at her. She hastily wiped away her tears as she saw Amaro reappear into the bull pen and look over at her. "I'm not having this conversation with you right now. You're at work, I got called in on a case, we'll talk later."

Brian took a deep breath to calm himself before he spoke. "Fine. Call me when you're out of work."

Without giving him a response she hung up and phone and wiped the offending drops of moisture from her eyes.

Amaro walked over to her and knelled down next to her. "What did that prick do to you?" he asked softly.

Olivia shook her head as she rubbed her eyes dry. "Nothing," she told him, sniffling back more tears. "We got into a fight, it's nothing."

Amaro felt his hands clench into tight fists. He and Cassidy had a trace going on that had been brought on by both of them helping the other stay out of jail and destroying their career.

But Olivia was his partner and he looked out for her. If this immature punk she called her boyfriend hurt her, Amaro wouldn't just use his fists to teach him a thing or two about respect.

His voice held an edge that made Olivia suddenly fearful for her boyfriend. "You're lying to me."

"No I'm not. We're a couple, Nick, we get into arguments. Just let it go."

Amaro shook his head as he backed away from her desk. "Fine. You ready to go grill this guy?"

"Yeah," Olivia replied as she stood up, putting on a fake facade that would have fooled any criminal. "Lets go."

Passing by him Olivia made her way to the interrogation room with Amaro following her, shaking her head.

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	4. Chapter 4

I own no one but my own people

"Nick, what are you doing here?" asked Olivia, struggling with every ounce she had not to give anything away, clutching the door frame for support.

Amaro greeted her with a smile and held up her purse to her. "You forgot your purse on your desk last night."

Olivia mustered a fake smile as she took it from him. "Thanks. I'll see ya later."

She tried to shut the door but Amaro interrupted her again. "Hey, um, I noticed you were a little down yesterday. You wanna talk?."

"I'm a little busy."

Although he was out of sight Olivia still felt the presence of the gun. She tried to close the door again but Amaro stopped it, looking her over. "You alright?" he asked searching over her face.

Olivia swallowed hard and nodded. "I'm fine."

Amaro's face fell as he shook his head, searching over her expressions. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong...

"What did Cassidy do to you?" Amaro demanded, knowing without a shadow of a doubt he was the one to blame.

"Nothing," she protested, tears filling her eyes at that name. "I'm fine, Nick."

"The hell you are," he challenged just as bitterly as he always got when speaking about Cassidy. "Let me in and we can talk."

"I don't want to talk," she answered harshly, her heart pounding hard against her chest. "Just go away now."

"I'm not leaving here until you tell me what the hell's going on. Whatever it is I know that you have feelings for him but this punk isn't right for you!"

Olivia bit her trembling lip as Amaro stood his ground outside her apartment. There was two possible scenarios to how this could end.

One was Olivia made some kind of clue or hint about what was going on in an attempt to save herself, Lewis would recognize it, shoot her, and torture Nick in her place. The other was she hurt her partner in the worst way she knew how in order to save him and take the abuse herself.

Under any and every circumstance, she would always choose the latter.

Olivia mustered the fiercest glare she could manage under the circumstances. "Really?" she barked, already hating herself for the words she was about to throw at him. "The man with the bastard son and broken marriage is gonna lecture me on relationships?"

If Olivia hadn't experienced true fear for the last ten hours, the look Amaro threw at her would have frightened her beyond words. He jabbed a finger in his face, his body trembling in rage. "Don't you EVER!" he snarled, his brown eyes flashing with fire. "Talk about my son like that again, you understand me?"

"What else am I supposed to call the son of a whore who's father abandoned them?"

Amaro took a step closer to her, his hands balled in tight fists that he was aching to throw. He had never fought so hard against hitting a woman in his entire life. "Go to hell," he spat before he turned tail and stormed away from the door.

Olivia shut the door and leaned her head against the wood as tears over what she just said to him made their way down her face. "I'm sorry," she whispered softly.

Lewis chuckled as he walked back over to her and put the gun to her head. "Very nice. Now..." He took her by the arms and shoved her back towards the kitchen. "Where were we?

1 Week Earlier

"You sure you can do this?" asked Amaro as he and Olivia approached the interrogation room.

Olivia made no efforts to hide her exasperation. "For the hundredth time yes," she grumbled, her voice on edge. She almost felt a bit of sympathy for the perp who would be on the receiving end of her bad mood.

Almost.

Not waiting for Amaro Olivia opened the door to the interrogation room where Lewis William was seated patiently.  
When Olivia walked in he turned his gaze from the table towards her and he smiled brightly at her. "Hi," Lewis offered, his voice full of charismatic charm.

Olivia knew right away what Rollins had been talking about and the way Amaro tensed behind her she was sure he felt it too.

He seemed confident, cocky, intelligent, charming... Very good looking as well. But there was just something about him that made a shudder run down her back.

"I'm Detective Benson, this is my partner Detective Amaro," Olivia introduced as she took a seat across from him with Amaro at her side. "You wanna tell us about what happened today?"

Lewis laughed gleefully at her attitude. "You don't like to waste time do you?"

"It was my day off," Olivia informed him shortly. "I don't wanna be here anymore then you do."

A look of sympathy overtook his features that both Detectives could see straight through. "Oh wow, did they really call you in for just a misunderstanding? I'm sorry, Ma'am, I didn't know they'd do that."

"It's Detective actually," Olivia corrected him just as short as before.

"I'm sorry, I'm just used to calling women 'Ma'am'," he offered as his brow wrinkled in confusion. "I didn't realize it was such a big deal."

Olivia and Lewis stared down one another before Olivia got up from her chair and began to walk around the room trying to clear her mind. He may have given her a bad feeling but she shouldn't have been short with him just because she was in a bad mood. After a beat Olivia continued. "So did you know the women who made the accusations against you?"

"No," he said with a shrug. "I've never seen them before."

"Apart from when you flashed them," she corrected, her situation with Brian once again going to the forefront of her mind.

"I already told you, Detective, that was a misunderstanding. Is there a reason why you're acting like this towards me?"

"Did you know the woman?" Olivia continued as if he hadn't of spoken. "The witness who said you verbally harassed and flashed two innocent teenage girls?"

Lewis chuckled gently. "That old lady got some kind of problem with me. I don't even know what I did, maybe I ran through one of her photos."

The rest of the interrogation was more of the same. Him playing the victim card and having a logical explanation for every question, Olivia getting more and more tense with him until he finally mentioned the 'A' word and they were forced to stop the questioning.

As they spoke about the case with Cragen and a very colorfully dressed Barba, Olivia couldn't seem to get rid of the chill that she had when he was in there with her. Rollins hadn't just been right to be creeped out by this guy, she had hit the nail on the head regarding him.

When Barba left to go file the necessary papers for court, Cragen had a Uni get him and get him processed.

As Lewis passed by Olivia outside the room again he gave her another smile that she couldn't turn away from, both of their eyes locking on one another as the uni took him away. She swallowed the fear that was beginning to over take her every time she laid eyes on him.

He was dangerous, and whats worse was that he made sure everyone else new it as well...

"Liv!"

Olivia jumped about a foot in the air, whipping towards the person who had called her name. "What?" she asked Amaro, unable to keep the fear from her voice.

"Didn't you just hear? Cragen said take the rest of the day. There's nothing more we can do."

Olivia let out a breath of relief. She didn't even wanna be in the same building as this guy for a second longer.

"You wanna go and get something to drink?" Amaro continued, noting how unusually shaky she was regarding this case.

"At three thirty on a Sunday afternoon?"

Amaro shrugged, a hint of a crooked smile on his face. "It's five a clock somewhere."

Olivia manged a meager chuckle and shook her head. "No it's fine. I'm just gonna go home and enjoy the rest of my Sunday which you should also do. How long is Maria letting Zara stay with you?" asked Olivia as she and Amaro walked towards the Bull Pen.

"One month."

"Is she excited about getting to know her brother?" asked Olivia with a smile. She met both Zara and Gil and she adored both of them. Gil, the spitting image of his father, was Nick to a T and Zara was the cutest little girl she had ever met. She absolutely loved them.

Amaro, like always, beamed with pride whenever his children were mentioned. "Yeah and he's doesn't mind he's got a little sister either."

Olivia smiled as they reached their respectable desks. Olivia locked her gun in her desk drawer, as she had been doing the last few weeks thanks to a case where a rapist broke in and used the victims own gun against her.

If, and Olivia highly doubted it would ever happen to her as she was extra vigilant with making sure her windows and doors were locked at night and when she left for work, someone were to ever break in, he may hurt her but she'd be damned if he threatened or shot with her own weapon.

Just as Olivia shoved the phone into her pocket, Amaro chuckled softly. Olivia looked up and her partner nodded towards Cragen's office. "You ever see him that nervous while talking to a witness?"

"I don't think I've ever seen him that nervous period," answered Olivia with a smirk as she watched Cragen fidget nervously while talking to their witness, Alice Parker who looked just as nervous but both had a small smile on their faces. "I think he's got a little crush."

"A little?" Amaro scoffed as he watched Cragen help her into her coat, "the guy looks like he's about to ask her to marry him."

"Well if there's hope for Munch, there's hope for all of us.

Olivia double and tripled checked her desk drawer where her gun was locked and hidden underneath several boring looking files, bid Amaro goodbye and to tell Cragen 'good luck' before she left the precinct.

When she finally returned home it was exactly how she left it, complete with dirty wine glasses. Olivia flopped down on the couch as she had done earlier but instead of getting out her guide of things to do in Manhattan as she had earlier she instead pulled out her phone and dialed a familiar number and waited anxiously for him to pick up.

Brian finally did after three rings, answering with a soft, "hey, Liv."

Just his voice alone was able to make Olivia relax far more then she had been able to do after being locked in that room with Lewis. "Hey," she breathed, relieved he had picked up at all. "I just got out of work. Cragen gave us the rest of the day off. I mean I don't know if you wanna come over and talk or..."

"I get off work in about two hours. Want me to grab anything to eat?"

"Well I got the Mets Game recorded so pizza and wings?"

"Sure. I'll be over in a little bit. Bye, Liv."

"See ya."

Olivia hung up the phone, breathing a sigh of relief as she threw it on the stand before her. She had gotten him to talk to her at least...

Scolding herself for not keeping up with the housekeeping as much as she should have this past week Olivia spent the better part of an hour cleaning up and washing dishes. Afterwards she took a shower and then changed from the clothes she had been lounging in all day to a pair of cute jeans and a fitted white Mets T-shirt with the team logo scrawled across her chest and finished by putting her hair up into a pony tail

She touched up her makeup and squirted just a hint of the perfume Brian had given her on her behind her ear.

After she finished she glanced at herself in the mirror and smiled. Brian loved her when she was dressed like this, casual but still sexy. He's told her on more then one occasion he'd rather see her in a pair of thirty dollar jeans and a ten dollar T-shirt any day then a two hundred dollar dress.

She took a seat on the couch and waited for him to come to her door, fiddling her fingers nervously. Not long after she had sat down there was a knock on her door. Olivia swallowed hard as she stood up and made her way towards the door, glancing through the peephole to make sure it was him before she opened the door to Cassidy carrying a large extra cheese pepperoni, bacon and chicken pizza with a large container of Buffalo Wings.

"Hi," she greeted with an awkward smile.

"Hey," he answered just as awkward. "You look great."

"Thanks."

The two stood on her doorstop for a little bit before Olivia cleared her throat and moved out of the way. "You wanna come in?"

Brian shrugged as he walked in as Olivia shut the door behind him. A tense silence grew in the apartment as they stood there, neither quite sure what to say to the other.

After a minute Brian cleared his throat. "I'm gonna put this down on the coffee table, that okay?"

"Sure," said Olivia with a nod. "You want a beer?"

Another shrug was his answer. "It depends."

"Depends on what?"

"Depends on if I'm driving home tonight or not. Up to you."

Olivia bit her lip as she made her way to the fridge and opened the door. She hesitated for a moment before she grabbed two bottles of Blue Moon along with two plates from the cupboard and walked over to the couch and handed one to him. Brian looked from the bottle to her and gave her a soft smile. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Olivia sat on the couch beside him and watched as he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of smokes and a lighter. He quickly lit one and took a long slow drag off it, visibly relaxing as the nicotine filled his lungs.

After several moments of silence Olivia cleared her throat. "Brian, look, I wanted-."

"You say you're sorry and I walk out that door," he told her before taking another drag off of his cigarette.

Olivia narrowed her eyes in confusion as he blew the smoke out before turning towards her. "It was wrong of me to get upset over you not feeling the same way as me."

"Brian that's not it," she protested softly. "I do care about you a lot. It's just those words make this so... permanent."

"I didn't realize permanency was a bad thing in a relationship."

"It is when the only two serious ones you've ever had ended miserably with your heart broken."

Brian sighed as he ran a hand over his forehead, taking another drag. "Liv, I've been in love before too and I'd have preferred it if Clarissa had walked out on me and broke my heart." He expelled the smoke from his lungs. "But I trust you enough to tell you I love you because I know you won't break my heart. Why aren't you giving me the same benefit of the doubt?"

Olivia opened her mouth several times to try to come up with an answer that wasn't going to hurt him. The truth was she was scared that he would leave her like the rest of her boyfriends did. Yes he promised to be with her forever but David Haden had promised that as well and it had left her hurt and alone until Brian came back into her life.

When several moments of silence had passed, he sighed and nodded. "It's fine. You don't gotta answer that. You're not ready to say it, it happens. I'm not gonna force you into something that makes you uncomfortable."

"Thank you," she breathed with a sigh of relief and a smile. "That means a lot to me, Brian."

Brian gave her a soft smile before he putting out his burned out smoke in the ashtray Olivia had bought specifically for him. "So are we gonna watch the game? Heard from some of the guys it's pretty intense."

"Cragen and Fin told me up until the sixth inning it's a perfect game."

"Nice!" Cassidy said happily clapping his hands together before he opened up the box of wings. He grabbed a few out and put them on a plate along with two slices of pizza. "Eat," he told her before beginning to make his own plate. "You're staring to look like one of those uptown girls. Plus what will the guys say if they see me walking around town with a girl with no ass?"

Olivia smirked at him as she turned on the TV and selected the Mets game on her DVR list.

Soon after it turned into one of their ordinary date nights. Olivia would root against the opposing team just to irk him, Brian pretended to spot chicken wing sauce on her neck that could on;y be cleaned off with his lips, and things just seemed to fall into place, the argument from this morning apparently forgotten.

"So Cragen gave you the night off, huh?" asked Brian as he took another chicken wing during a commercial. "When the hell did he turn into such a softie?"

"He's getting softer with old age. I remember once when I first started working there Elliot and me had Mets tickets and the game started at three. We asked if we could leave at twelve and he said fine but we had to stay over five hours the next day."

"Volunteer for extra duty my ass," Brian laughed. "I knew that line you and Elliot fed us was bull."

Olivia smiled at the laugh in his words. "Well to be fair the one time he did let us off early two of his lead Detectives got drunk and slept with one another for five hours straight one night."

"One of my better memories of working there," he said with a saucy grin that made Olivia blush. Brian chuckled unhappily afterwards. "Too bad that story has the same as this one."

Olivia narrowed her eyes in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"I was ready for a serious relationship, you weren't."

Olivia pulled away from him on the couch, giving him a slight glare. "That's not what's happening here."

Brian shrugged as he took a drink of his beer. "Funny it seems that way to me."

Olivia's glare intensified. "Well it's not. I care just as much about you as you do me."

"Then why can't you say you love me?"

"I told you why."

"No you gave me some bullshit excuse and I let you get out of the answer."

Olivia grabbed the bottle of beer from him and slammed it down on the coffee table. "You need to leave."

As she started to get up from the couch Brian followed her. "You need to tell me why you're afraid to say you love me," he demanded, his voice rising.

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I'm scared, Brian!" she yelled turning to face him. "I'm scared of being hurt again, I'm scared that I'm gonna admit how I feel only to have you leave me, I'm scared of having my heart ripped from my chest again and stomped on!"

Brian's face fell as Olivia's words sank in.

He had never known her to be anything but strong regarding anything which is what he loved about her. That night when they slept together he had still been under the illusion that sex actually meant something to people, a notion he had long ago abandoned when he began working undercover for Ganzel, so for Olivia to toss him away when he wanted to build a relationship off of their night together had hurt him more than any woman ever had.

He knew that she wasn't one to merely have sex for the hell of it so he figured she had feelings for him but was strong enough to get over it.

Brian swallowed hard as he looked down at Olivia. "I'm sorry but Liv I-"

"Promise not to hurt me," she finished for him with a bit of mist in her eyes. "They all say that and no one has ever meant it before and I'm tired of being hurt by broken promises." Olivia took a deep breath before she took Brian's hand in her own. "I do have strong feelings for you, Bri," she told him, looking dead in his eyes so she knew the truth. "I honest to God do. I just... I can't say that to you right now. One day in the future maybe but I can't right now. Its not your problem it's my own issue and I'm sorry but I can't and if you think that this is just me having fun and not caring about you then you couldn't be more wrong."

"Olivia-."

"Please just leave," she whispered softly.

Brian bit his lip but instead of arguing he merely leaned forward and kissed her cheek, thanking a God he didn't believe in when she didn't pull away.

He turned and left the apartment, wanting nothing more then to turn back around to face her, and shut the door behind him.


	5. Chapter 5

I own no one but my own people

Olivia felt colder then she had ever felt before and was shaking so hard her bed rattled. It wasn't her apartment, Lewis had turned the air conditioner off and turned the thermostat as high as it went, but something else nor was it the outside as she could see the mid morning sun shining brightly into her bedroom, a mocking reminder of how long she had endured Lewis.

You're going into shock, she told herself, forcing her mind to stay focused on something other then the blinding pain that was running rampant through her entire body along with the dizziness and nausea that was threatening to overwhelm her, you need to stay calm.

But it was much easier said then done. Her breathing was rapid and she was having trouble staying awake.

Olivia tried to lift her head up off of the bed but a bout of dizziness overcame her that was so strong she let out a cry of pain before she fell back on the bed.

"Oh God," she cried softly, shutting her eyes against the spinning room and the bright lights the pain seem to intensifying every moment she stayed awake, "please just kill me."

"Kill you?" Lewis' voice chuckled as he walked out of her bathroom. "But I thought you were gonna do anything to live?"

"I can't!," begged Olivia, her voice something she no longer recognized as her own, her sobs rocking her body as he sat on the edge of her bed next to her, barely able to speak in between them. "I don't wanna be in pain anymore!"

Lewis' smile was sadistic and cruel and still had the shuddering effect on her. His hand trailed up her thigh and Olivia's cries only increased in severity as his fingers trailed across her folds, now disfigured with the brand of what was once her symbol of authority while less personal brands made with keys and wire hangers littered the rest of her intimate curves. "Sorry, Sweetheart. There's just no fun in that."

"Please!" Olivia gasped through her sobs, shaking her head. "I can't do this anymore!"

"But I can," he told her with another exceptionally cruel grin.

Lewis wasted no time as he grabbed her legs and slammed them up so far her knees were at her face before he plunged into her. Olivia shrieked in pain as he slammed against the brand he had given her making him laugh before he pulled out. "You smell that?" he panted as he got up and straddled her face, his penis covered in her bloody fluids. "That's you and me, Sweetheart. Beautiful isn't it?"

Olivia gagged and tried to turn her face but he grabbed her cheeks and forced her head back so she was facing him. He covered her nose and held it until she opened her mouth and he thrust inside her mouth, until his balls touched her lips, growing harder as she gagged on him but on her sobs and screams as well, his nails digging into her face as he held her there. This was the third time tonight he had been inside her mouth

Lewis began thrusting inside her mouth, laughing at the disgust and panic on her face, pulling out just far enough so she could gasp for half a breath before he plunged in again.

"Use that tongue," he groaned, "or I'm gonna cut it off."

Olivia could barely concentrate enough to breathe much less give him more pleasure then what he was already getting. A few seconds after his demand, he dug his nails so deep into her face he broke the skin. "I said use your God damn tongue!" barked Lewis before he backhanded her.

Olivia's eyes became blurry with more tears as she forced herself to cooperate with his threats. She gently tongued him and Lewis groaned as he continued to thrust. After a while his thrusts became more erratic and he was gagging Olivia with every move he made. "You're going to swallow all of this," he moaned, "or I'll rip your throat out."

Olivia's eyes shut with helpless defeat as he forced himself in her once last time and came.

It was the most rancid thing Olivia had ever tasted. She gagged and felt whatever contents she had in her stomach come up but then she remembered his words and, using every single miniscule ounce of strength she had left, she swallowed her own vomit along with his essence.

When he was sure she swallowed it all Lewis pulled out of her, panting for breath. Olivia made it all of three seconds before it all came back up only this time there was no stopping it. She turned her head to the side just in time to vomit, the smell making her gag as more came up.

Lewis jumped out of the bed, laughing at her. When she was finally done Olivia laid there, gasping for breath. He shook his head, his fight lit up in amusement. "You lasted longer then the old bitch did. She puked after the first try."

He ran his hands over her curves, eliciting whimpers of pain from her. "She also didn't look half as good as you do though..."

Olivia swallowed as he reached up and undid one of her binds that were holding her arm above her head. He leaned in and nipped painfully at her ear, "You wore me out," he laughed gently as if he were speaking to a lover. Olivia remained silent as he took her hand and guided it to in between her legs. "You're gonna fuck yourself," he told her. "Until you make yourself cum. Then you're gonna keep doing it until I say you're ready for a real dick again."

Olivia shook her head. "I can't," her voice cracked "It hurts to much."

Lewis grinned at her again. "That's the point of it."

Olivia swallowed hard as she nodded, her hand trembling. She whimpered in pain and bit her bottom lip the moment she made contact with her center, a fire raging inside her the moment she did. Olivia tried to ignore the blinding pain but it was useless, no matter how or where she touched it felt like she was getting branded and burned with the cigarettes all over again. When she tried rubbing her hand over her clit, she screamed, jerking her hand away. "I can't!" she begged as she began to sob. "I can't do this, it hurts!"

"Fuck yourself now, Detective," Lewis told her as he pointed the gun at her head.

I can't!"

"Yes you will!"

"NO!"

Lewis reached for her free hand and it wasn't until she felt the sting in her palm that she realized what had happened.

Her eyes grew wide as Lewis gingerly touched his face where a bright red hand mark had appeared on it. Instead of appearing angry he merely grinned, laughing softly. "I'm sorry," she breathed. "I- I didn't mean it!"

"Oh I think you did," he said still grinning. "I think you very much meant to hit me."

Olivia shook her head, her heart racing. "I- I- I didn't- I-."

"Shut up!" he barked, his smile disappearing. He grabbed her free hand and slammed it down on the bed again and quickly tied it up. "You think you hurt now," he snarled, "just wait, bitch! Just fucking WAIT!"

Once he was sure she was bound again he got off the bed and stormed out of the bedroom. Olivia flinched as she heard several crashes out in her apartment that sounded like he was looking for something. Finally after about three mints he returned, a sadistic psychopathic grin on his face while hiding something behind his back. "Like I said," he panted, wiping his nose with his arm and sniffing. "You think you know what pain is? Nah, Sweetheart." He held up what was behind his back, his smile growing. "This is true fucking pain."

Olivia looked at what he held for a moment before realization set in. "No.." she whimpered, puling at her binds. "no no no NO!"

Lewis approached her, the large container of salt in his hand and climbed onto the bed and jerked her legs open.

"You thought you could get away with not only disobeying me but then hitting me?" he told her with a soft laugh, pouring a very generous amount of salt into his hand. "I don't think so, bitch."

Without giving her even a moment to prepare herself, Lewis slammed the pile of table salt onto and into her.

"KILL ME!" Olivia screamed louder than she ever had before as a burn more extreme then any brand or cigarette erupted on her broken skin, her back arching off the bed. "FUCKING KILL ME PLEASE!"  
Lewis laughed harder at her commands before he took the salt and began to pour it all over her body, everyplace he had cut her erupting in a pain she never knew existed.

Both were too invested, Olivia into the blinding pain, Lewis into the torture to notice that not only was her phone ringing but that this was the third time in the last minute that it had been ringing, all by the same person...

**6 Days Earlier**

Olivia barely slept a single wink of sleep that night. All she could think about was how she missed being wrapped in Brian's arms like she had been the last three nights. She even wore one of his shirts that he left. The only thing that did was make her want him there with her even more.

She tossed and turned in her sheets, unable to get comfortable, thinking about what they had said to one another. She hadn't meant for him to feel like she didn't care about him or that this relationship was just fun and games because that wasn't true in the slightest.

Olivia did care about him. A lot. But she had also gotten her heart broken. A lot. She wanted to say it to him but at the same time she was so scared of losing him that she didn't dare admit that to him. Admitting it would mean that she cared enough about him that if they left her she would shatter.

_But you didn't say it to David and you were heartbroken when he left plus you' didn't tell it to Brian and you're shattered over the fact he's not even here_ she reminded herself bitterly, cursing her mind for not taking her side of the argument.

An hour passed and it was now a little past 1 AM yet her mind was still whirring with the want of Brian and replaying her argument over and over in her head what seemed like on full volume.

Finally with a heavy sigh Olivia got out of bed and headed towards her bathroom medicine cabinet. She got out her bottle of sleeping pills she usually reserved for her most brutal and sadistic cases when she knew she'd have nightmares, took one pill with a swig of water and made her way back to bed.

Olivia laid back in bed, smiling when her eyelids already felt heavy. Within five minutes she had passed out, her last thought being of Brian.

The next morning she woke up late. She had to be at the appellate court by nine so she decided to skip heading towards the precinct and instead go right there.

Thankfully the fact she was late and rushing was keeping her mind off of Brian and it wasn't until she got into the courthouse, about thirty seconds before they called Lewis and his attorney along with Barba up front, that her mind started to drift back to Brian

"Cutting it kind of close," Amanda whispered to her while the case before their finished up, a slight smirk on her face. "You and Brian have a bit of a late night?"

Olivia merely smiled, choosing instead to ignore the question and let Rollins think she was right rather then explain she was up half the night thinking about how she wanted to be with him.

Rollins chuckled and clicked her tongue. "Attaboy, Cassidy. You know a man's a keeper when you start to choose screwing him over a job you love."

Olivia turned to her, her brow raised in confusion at her choice of words. "I thought most Southern girls were supposed to be prim and proper?"

Rollins shrugged, a smirk still on her lips. "Most Southern girls also didn't vote for Obama twice either."

Olivia and the blonde detective merely smiled at one another before they turned back towards the front of the courtroom where Barba was about to preform his magic, sure that this case was about to get a whole lot simpler.

Ten minutes later both of them were wrong.

"I don't get it!" Rollins protested as she, Olivia, and Barba walked out of the courthouse. "That's the best deal he could get! Why the hell wouldn't he take the deal!"

"He won't take time served, he doesn't want us to find out who he really is and get his DNA into CODIS."

"Or maybe he's just innocent," offered Barba with a shrug.

Olivia shook her head. "Look, we have three reliable witnesses-."

"Two of whom are tourists. His attorney might be legal aid but she's smart she knows that if they leave the country the judge will throw the case out."

"We have Alice Parker and her photo," Olivia protested desperately trying to convince Barba of what she felt in her heart. This guy was guilty and he had done a lot worse before.

"She came on the scene after the fact and the photo is not definitive," he explained with a bit of edge in his voice. He had won them nearly impossible to win cases before yet they were jumping down his throat for a guy who may not have done anything wrong except adjust himself in front of two teenagers. "Look this case was a dog from the start," he sighed as he turned towards the two detectives. "It just got fleas. You really think he's dirty?"

Neither Olivia or Amanda answered but their faces gave away the clear cut answer. "Keep digging," he instructed them before he turned and walked away.

Rollins rolled her eyes as she turned towards Olivia. "You think he's guilty right?" she asked the Veteran Detective. "I mean you get that same chill whenever you see him like I do right?"

"I think you're right, Rollins, but right now we have nothing on him," Olivia told her gently. "We just gotta keep looking."

"For what though? I already looked at the states he lived in, his name, variations of his name, anagrams... I can't find anything on this guy and... and he scares me, Olivia," Rollins admitted with a hint of embarrassment attached.

"There is no reason for you to be scared of this guy, Rollins," Olivia told her gently. "I promise you that even if we find out he's Adolf Hitler reincarnated I will not let him hurt you. Okay?"

Amanda gave the older Detective a smile. "Okay."

Olivia gave her a brief smile before she glanced at her watch. "It's almost eleven. You wanna get something to eat before we head on back to the precinct? My treat."

"Sure. Thanks, Liv."

Olivia smiled and led Rollins to her car, Rollins had taken the subway, and opened the door for her before they got in and sped off, neither realizing that it wasn't Rollins that would need to be saved...

Please Review


	6. Chapter 6

I own no one but my own people

"Oh FUCK!" Lewis groaned as he emptied inside of Olivia once more throwing back his head and arching his back. He collapsed on top of her, gasping and panting for breath, his meth which was keeping him awake and going strong long gone.

He glanced down at Olivia and smirked when she saw her eyes were fluttering open and closed mumbling something he could barely understand.

"What was that, Sweetheart?" he asked with a tired smile. "I wore you out?"

Olivia muttered something unintelligent and Lewis chuckled as he pulled out of her and laid down beside her. He leaned in and began nipping her ear. "this was fun," he whispered softly. "Best nineteen hours of my life."

"Br-..." she mumbled, far too out of it to have any reaction to what he was saying or doing to her. "Br- Bri... Bri..."

"Shh, Sweetheart," he muttered moving a stray piece of hair from her face. "It's over. Just relax knowing you could easily be dead before someone finds you and it's gonna be your own friends and colleagues investigating what happened to you."

He expected his words to get a reaction out of her but she didn't even flinch. All she did was mutter the same syllable over and over; 'Bri'.

Lewis chuckled as he stood up from her bed and pulled on his clothes next to the bed. He was done with her. It was no fun when they didn't scream anymore.

He sat down beside her as he pulled on his shoes before he turned towards her again and offered her a smile. "Thanks for the night, Detective. I had a blast." He leaned down and kissed her on the lips before he turned and left the bedroom, leaving her bound to the bed with no means of escaping.

"Bri," she muttered as her eyes flicked open and shut several more times before they finally closed with her body going limp, her breath and heart beat all but stilled...

6 Days Earlier

"So what'd you and Cassidy get into a fight about?"

Olivia all but choked on her water as she looked up from her food and stared wide eyed and open mouth at Amanda who slowly drank her Iced Tea with a smirk. "How do you know we got into a fight?"

Amanda shrugged as she took a bite of her salad. "Rumors," she informed Olivia once she had swallowed. "I heard that you actually left someone mid orgasm to tend to a victim. No way you'd be late for court because of sex."

"Who the hell told you that?" Olivia demanded.

"Munch," answered Amanda.

Olivia rolled her eyes as she took a bite from her cheeseburger. "That's not true at all, I've never left a guy right during sex for the job. Right before and right after yes, but not during."

"He didn't say it was a guy, he said it was a girl," she clarified. "Some blonde lawyer. I think he said her name was Alex? I mean I don't care," Amanda told her as she saw Olivia's eyes grew wide. "You feel somethin' for women the same you do men, that's your business and yours alone."

Olivia shook her head in disbelief before she looked Amanda dead in the eyes to make sure the younger Detective knew she was telling the truth. "Me and Alex have never slept together, I've never slept with a woman in my life, and I've never left anyone, man or woman, in the middle of sex to tend to a victim." Olivia picked her head up and looked over at Rollins who appeared a little embarrassed for revealing the rumors to her. "You gotta stop listening to everything Munch tells you. One time he had half the precinct convinced I was pregnant with his kid while I was undercover in Oregon."

Amanda chuckled softly and nodded, taking another sip of tea for measure. "I'll keep that in mind. But I noticed you never denied the Cassidy rumor. You two get into it?"

"I thought this lunch was supposed to be making you feel better about Lewis? Isn't that why I'm paying?"

"It was, I do, yes, and thank you. But that still don't answer my question."

Olivia sighed as she took a sip of her water, contemplating her choices.

She not only liked Amanda but she trusted her. She really did. It was nice having another woman around who wasn't making six figures who she could just talk with about things she couldn't talk to Munch or Fin or Amaro about.

But at the same time Olivia couldn't even fully understand herself the reason for the current fight she was having with Brian. How would Amanda be able to manage it?

You could always use a fresh perspective, Olivia told herself with another sip of water, ignoring Amanda's anxious look until the veteran glanced up at her. "You really wanna know?"

Amanda nodded and leaned in closer like a high school student about to receive an interesting piece of gossip. "The other night," Olivia began with a sigh. "He... He told me he loved me."

Amanda's eyes widened as she looked over Olivia's face. "Oh wow. Um... I'd say congratulations but judging by the look on your face I'm assuming he didn't get a similar response?"

"He got a thank you and an apology."

Amanda hissed as if she's been burned. "Ouch."

"Yeah. I mean we talked later that night and I told him I've only said to two people in my life and both of them broke my heart."

"Your old partner."

"Once again, don't listen to Munch," Olivia chastised. "It was my high-school boyfriend and his company transferred him to another state and my fiancee."

Amanda narrowed her eyes in confusion. "Wait your high school boyfriend and he was transferred for his job?"

"He was... older," Olivia explained.

"How old?"

"About as old as you are now but I could not have loved him more," Olivia told her with a slight edge in her voice that made the blonde detective cower under her look. "My fiancee was a whole other story but the point is both of them hurt me after I told them I loved them and I'm... not comfortable with the idea that I tell Brian how I feel only to have him get up and leave. I told Brian this and now he thinks I don't trust him and this whole relationship is just fun and games for me and neither one of them is true," she clarified for Amanda. Olivia sighed and shook her head. "I just don't wanna get hurt again."

Amanda took a long sip of her tea before she put it down, carefully thinking of her words before she spoke. "I know you ain't gonna like this but it sounds to me like Brian has a point, now hear me out!" she said quickly as Olivia opened her mouth to argue. "I was in my last year of school and I started dating this guy. Real good ol' boy mechanic. I mean our first date was deer hunting. We dated about four months, I told him I loved him. He told me 'Okay'. I don't think nothing in the world hurt more then telling him I felt that strongly for him and trusted him with my heart but he didn't care enough about me to tell me."

"But that's not my situation though."

"It doesn't matter. You let your heart open that much and the other person shoots it down? It don't matter the reason, you think it's your fault."

Olivia sighed as she rubbed her temples. "But I DO care about him. A lot. I just... I don't wanna get hurt again."

"Okay you don't wanna get hurt. But imagine how much it hurt Brian to open his heart up to you and you spat on it because you were selfish. YOU don't wanna get hurt, YOU don't want your heart broken, YOU wanna be saved the heartache by not saying it back to him. But what about him?"

Olivia opened her mouth to argue with the blonde but closed it after she realized Amanda was right.

It wasn't fair to Brian. He had trusted her in a way she wouldn't and he had been hurt too. Why did Olivia get to cop out by claiming she was hurt when Brian had been just as hurt?

Olivia sighed as she leaned back in her chair while Amanda looked on with a smirk. "Shut up," she told the grinning blonde as she took another bite of her burger.

"Sure thing, Liv." Amanda stabbed the last few pieces of her salad as Olivia finished off her burger.

"You ready to go?" asked Olivia when both women had finished their meal. Amanda nodded as she downed the last few sips of her tea.

After Olivia paid the bill, they drove back to the precinct where they found their respectable partners working diligently on their computers.

"Anything?" Olivia asked Amaro as she approached the two adjoining desks.

"Not a thing," said Amaro not looking up from their screens. "Just looking for anything on Lewis. Lewis take the deal?"

"He wants to go to trial," Olivia said dryly as she threw her coat over the back of her chair. "And got off ROR."

"Are you kidding me?" Amaro exclaimed, his and Fin's eyes going wide. "He wouldn't take the deal?"

Olivia shook her head. "He's hiding something. He's gotta be."

"Whatever it is he's good at hiding it. We haven't been able to find ANYTHING on this guy," Amaro sighed. "It's like he dropped out of the sky."

"Crawled up from the ground is more like it," Amanda muttered as she flopped down into her own chair.

"But when I say nothing I mean _nothing_. The social he gave us is a fake, no prior address, no DMV records, no nothing," Amaro continued with a shake of his head. "I don't understand this guy."

Olivia shake her head as she too began searching every database she could think of and emailing and calling every one of her contacts that could have been of any help but by the end of the day they had gotten nowhere.

"This guys a ghost," Amanda groaned, just as annoyed as the rest of the squad hours later. "There's nothing on him."

Amaro sighed as he leaned back in the chair, running a hand over his face. "This is insane," he groaned. "How the hell can someone have NO history?"

"Witness protection?" Amanda offered.

Olivia shook her head. "You take Witness Protection away from places like New York City, not put them in."

After the four sat there and debated several more scenarios, all more unlikely then the first, Olivia called it a day and to start fresh tomorrow, giving them all the hope that they had three good witnesses and Barba.

After Olivia let Cragen know that Lewis was going to trial and smirking over the fact her Captain appeared WAY too joyful over the prospect of letting Alice Parker know, and finishing up some paperwork and emails she had sent earlier in the day that might help them track down Lewis but ended up giving no help, she was the last to head home, not getting home until after midnight after Cragen..

Olivia walked up her four flights of stairs, dreading waking up in five hours, and saw something sitting at her doorway. She approached it with caution until she got close enough to recognize it.

A dozen roses with etiquette scroll written on the heavy white paper pinned to one of the stems. Still eying it carefully, she picked up the paper and read the message, her heart melting and a smile growing on her lips as she did;

"_I can see it in your eyes that you despise the same old lines you heard the night before and though it's just a line to you for me it's true and never seemed so right before. I practice every day to find some clever lines to say, to make the meaning come through but then I think I'll wait until the evening  
gets late and I'm alone with you. The time is right, your perfume fills my head, the stars get red and the night's so blue and then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like 'I love you'. Liv; sorry __for saying something stupid. Call me when you get a chance. Like a lot, Brian."_

Olivia's smile fell as the lyrics and his words sank in. He was apologizing for something she should have been. It wasn't his fault; he didn't know she had such an issue with those three little words.

Olivia looked at her watch and considered calling him now, knowing he would be awake until at least three AM even if he had to to be up at seven.

But at the same time she could barely keep her eyes open after staying awake for almost nineteen hours straight.

'I'll call him tomorrow' Olivia thought as she unlocked her apartment, bringing her flowers into her apartment and locking the door behind her. Olivia put the flowers into a vase and set the letter next to her favorite picture of her and Brian, him embracing her on the beach both with smiles on their faces.

The detective smiled down at the photo of the two, reading over the letter once more before heading to bed with a smile.

Please Review :-)


	7. Chapter 7

I own no one but my own people

A/N Special shout out to Liv Cassidy AKA FrannieMaeRocks on twitter for helping me get out from between the rock and the hard place I accidentally wrote myself into :-)

"Amaro, you got the paperwork on the Monroe case?" Amanda asked not looking up from her screen.

"Nope," replied Amaro not even bothering to check.

"Well... I mean could you look?"

"Why would I need to look when I know I don't have it?"

Rollins and Fin glanced at one another before they turned back to him. "You okay, Man?" asked Fin curiously. "You've been acting weird all day."

"I'm fine," Amaro argued with a tone in his voice that told both Amanda and Fin he most certainly was not fine.

"Yeah because that sounded oh so peachy."

Amaro finally turned away from his computer to glare at the two partners. "Look, are you guys done nagging me when I'm trying to work or is this gonna be an all day occurrence?"

"Alright, what the hell is going on?" Amanda demanded. "Ever since you got back from Olivia's, you-."

Amaro interrupted with a harsh glare and bitterness in his words, "don't talk to me about that bitch."

Fin and Amanda were well beyond shocked at his choice of words about the woman Amaro, usually, respected on all sides leaving no room for argument. One time a perp had dared to call Olivia that and Amaro treated the rapist as if he had personally insulted his own mother.

After a moment of stunned silence Amanda shook away the astonishment and returned the glare. "You can't talk about her like that, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Rollins, stay out of it," cautioned Fin as he turned back to his own paperwork. "Let um work it out on their own."

"No because you can't call your partner a bitch!"

"But she's allowed to call my son a bastard and the son of a whore?" Amaro barked at the blonde. "You insult my family, I call you whatever I damn well like!"

That blurted confession once again sent the two partners into silence. Fin narrowed his eyes in confusion. "She called your son a bastard?"

Amaro nodded. "Yeah. I go over to give her back her purse and she seems really upset, probably something to do with that punk she's dating, I try to help, she tells me 'the man with the broken marriage and bastard son is gonna try to talk to me about relationships?' I told her not to talk about Gil that way but she told me 'what else am I supposed to call the son of a whore whose father abandoned them?' So yeah, forgive me if I'm not singing her praises right now."

Both Amanda and Fin's faces fell as Amaro's words rang in their ears. The blonde shook her head, biting her lip before she spoke. "This... this makes no sense. Olivia wouldn't say that and mean it."

"Well she did," Amaro shot back before he returned to his paperwork. "True colors come out."

"I don't know, Man, I've known Olivia for fourteen years," Fin offered. "That doesn't seem like her at all. I mean she's never even met her own father. Hell Calvin never even met his own father and she still to this day loves that boy like it's her own."

Amaro offered no more words of argument and ignored both partners, her words still seething in his mind and unable to see anything other than what she had told him.

Amanda turned towards Fin, a hint of worry on her face. "You think she's okay?"

Fin shrugged as he nodded towards her phone. "I like to stay out of dramatics but you can call her. See what's really going on."

Amanda nodded before she grabbed her phone and dialed Olivia's cell. After six rings her voice mail came on and Amanda hung up. "No answer," she announced.

"Call her again," Fin offered with another shrug.

Amanda tried the number again with the same results. Immediately after she hung up she tried again, this time leaving a short message for the brunette veteran to call her.

"I don't like this, Fin," Amanda muttered softly. "This isn't like her."

"It's her day off," Fin reminded his partner again, not thinking too much about the fact Olivia wasn't picking up her phone. "She's probably sleeping, taking a soak in the tub, having the time of her life with her guy... Call Cassidy and see if he's seen her."

Amanda quickly called the Cop, hoping for an answer but instead she got the same results;; 6 rings and a voice mail.

"He's not answering either," Amanda announced.

"Well there ya go. They're probably... busy," said Fin with a smirk. "She's probably better then all of us at the moment."

Amanda managed a weak smile but Fin's insistence that the reason for ignoring their calls was because they were having sex did little to help her concerns. A few more hours rolled by, Amaro offered no more words and continued to seethe while Fin and Amanda went back to their paperwork. Fin's mind was on the Knicks Game that would be playing tonight but Amanda's wouldn't get off of Olivia. What she had said to Amaro? That wasn't her. That wasn't her in the slightest. Something had to be wrong, it had to be.

She couldn't accept that her mentor had said that about an innocent boy...

When it was nearing twelve thirty Amanda picked up her phone again.

"You ordering out?" Fin asked as Amanda put the phone to her ear.

Amanda shook her head as it rang again. "Calling Olivia again."

Fin sighed as he leaned back in his chair, watching Amanda's face fall when she got no answer yet again. She quickly hung up and dialed Cassidy's number and had the same results.

"Something ain't right," Amanda said, her voice hitched in a little bit of fear when she hung up the phone. "Either Cassidy earns a world record for the longest screw of all time or something's really wrong."

Fin looked over his partners face, seeing true worry and fear etched into it. Sighing he stood up and threw on his jacket. "Where ya going?" asked Amanda.

"We're gonna go to her apartment so you can see for yourself she's perfectly fine."

Amanda offered Fin a genuine smile before she too stood up. "You coming, Nick?" she asked as she pulled on her own jacket glancing over at him.

"I've been there enough times today, thanks," said Amaro dryly without looking towards his two colleagues.

Amanda rolled her eyes as she and Fin left the precinct and headed to her apartment. Normally the drive would take about a half hour, but it was lunchtime in one of the busiest cities in the world. It took them almost an hour and a half to get to Olivia's apartment.

Amanda and Fin buzzed her apartment, receiving no answer. They glanced at one another briefly, for the first time since this started Fin's face showed an inkling of worry. They buzzed her again but with the same results.

"How do we get up there?" asked Amanda.

"I forgot you haven't lived in New York that long," said Fin as he ran his hand over all the buzzers, resulting in the door being unlocked from one of them. "Tricks of the trade," he told her with a smirk as he held open the door for her.

Amanda tried to muster a smile but couldn't manage to even fake it as they made their way up the four flights of stairs and stopping in front of her apartment.

Amanda knocked on the door and listened for any movement inside the house but received none. "Maybe she's not home?" Fin offered. "Turned her phone off, didn't wanna be disturbed."

"She called to check in on cases while she was vacationing in the Bahamas. You really think she'd turn her phone off because she had two days off?"

Fin shrugged before he knocked on his door a lot harder then Amanda had. "Yo, Liv, open up. It's me and Rollins," he called loudly through the door, again receiving no answer.

"Look, I know it's stupid, but-."

"Hang on," Fin interrupted as he breathed in the smell that was coming from her apartment, ten years of Narcotics experience coming back full force. "You smell that?"

Amanda sniffed the air and crinkled her nose. "What is it?"

"Someone inside was cooking Meth," Fin told her as he inhaled again. "It's stale but it's there."

Amanda's pulse began racing, her eyes wide, her heart pounding against her ribs. "Fin..." she began, her voice hitched in fright. "We found meth at Alice Parker's house when Lewis attacked her..."

Fin's face fell as he grabbed his gun and turned towards the door, wasting no time in kicking it open.

"Oh my God!" Amanda cried when she saw the scene of the home. Her kitchen was completely demolished, her living room which Amanda had always considered classy beyond compare looked like a hurricane had blown through it.

Both sprinted into her bedroom, neither prepared for the sight before them.

Olivia was unconscious on the bed, naked and spread eagle with blood pouring out from between her legs, her whole body covered in blood and scars, her hands bound to her headboard by cable.

"Liv!" Fin cried running towards her side. He felt for her pulse, having to press down hard to feel any inkling of it, her breathing practically non existent. "Liv, wake up!" he ordered shaking her unconscious form. "Come on, Baby, wake up, stay with me! Liv! Rollins, call a bus!"  
Amanda was far too stunned to do anything but stand there in the doorway, shaking and clutching the doorway for support.

Fin snapped back and saw Amanda still standing there, shocked beyond anything he had seen. "CALL A BUS!" he bellowed, his breath nothing more then a frightened pant, jerking her out of her trance.

Amanda swallowed whatever fear had overwhelmed her and got out of walkie talkie, her hands shaking so bad she could barely hold down the button. "10-13! 10-13! Officer down! This is Detective Amanda Rollins, Badge Number 5607, Manhattan SVU! We have a Detective who was attacked, barely breathing, hardly any pulse! Apartment 4D, 203 West 85th Street, Manhattan!"

"Go in the bathroom and get me some towels! We gotta slow the bleeding until EMS gets here!" Fin ordered, still trying to rouse Olivia from unconsciousness. Amanda, still trembling, ran into the bathroom but stopping dead at the doorway, letting out a scream at what laid before her...

5 Days Earlier

Olivia moaned softly as her toes curled and her fingers gently stroked Cassidy's back while the two of them laid together in a bed that was covered in soft satin sheets and rose petals, one hand stroking the over sensitive nub while the other caressed her breast, his lips and tongue grazing her skin...

"You're so beautiful," he'd whisper in her ear before he began to nibble on it playfully whole Olivia fisted the sheets beneath her.

Brian moved away from her ear and looked down at her with a grin as he moved gently inside her. He opened his mouth to speak but only a ring left his lips..

"What was that?" she asked softly, not wanting to kill the moment.

He spoke again, this time the ring coming through clearer.

Olivia narrowed her eyes in confusion as another ring echoed, this time louder.

And it was that ring that pulled her from her dream.

Olivia opened her eyes slowly, cursing the alarm clock for pulling her from her dream. She silenced the clock and groaned as she rolled over in her bed and shut her eyes, trying to get back to her dream. Olivia always left herself at least half an hour before she actually had to start getting ready and left herself enough time to let her take her time with getting ready as well.

Olivia sighed as her eyes shut, her body still feeling the effects of the dream, her center slightly damp from the memories.

Olivia bit her lip as she looked over at the clock. Brian would be up in a little while. She tried to convince herself calling her boyfriend over for a quick screw that would make them both late for work wouldn't be totally irresponsible.

She sighed as she grabbed the pillow he usually slept on when he stayed the night and brought it closer, inhaling the scent she could only describe as Brian. Granted that did absolutely nothing to help her forget the dream but it comforted her.

She missed him. It had only been a day since she'd last seen him but it felt like a lot longer. Olivia groaned as the slight ache in between her legs refuse to disappear as she hugged the pillow closer.

When a significant amount of time had passed and Olivia was sure he'd be awake she picked up the phone and dialed Brian's number.

After four rings Olivia was about to hang up but he picked up with an out of breath "hello?"

"Hey it's me," Olivia told him. "Did I wake you?"

"Nah, I just got out of the shower. What's up?"

Olivia took a deep breath before she spoke. "I got the flowers and the note. It was very beautiful, thank you."

"You're very welcome." Olivia could practically hear the smile on his face. "And I really meant what I said. I'm sorry for everything I said and did."

Olivia shook her head. "You don't have anything to apologize for. I'm sorry I hurt you, I was being selfish," she told him, repeating the words Amanda had said to her yesterday. "You were hurt and all I cared about was my feelings."

"I shouldn't have said it before you were ready or say you think this relationship is a joke."

"We've been dating since September, any normal couple would have already said it to each other."

"I still screwed up."

"I screwed up worse."

"Hang on," Brian told her. "We're not gonna do one of those stupid teenage couple things where we end up arguing over who's the wrongest are we?"

"It looks like it."

"Well we need to stop it."

Olivia chuckled and nodded, sitting back in her bed. "Fine fine. But are we okay?"

"Of course, Baby." Brian seemed stunned she would even think otherwise. "We got into a fight, it happens."

Olivia let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding. "Okay. Okay, good. Thank you."

"You're very welcome. But I gotta ask, why the early call? You could have waited until later in the day to call me."

Olivia shrugged. "I knew you'd be up and I had a dream about you so I woke up thinking about you..."

"You had a dream about me?"

Olivia blushed slightly. "Yes. I know it sounds cheesy but-."

"No no no no. But now I gotta know what kind of dream it was." She could practically hear the smirk.

Olivia shrugged, a sly smile growing on her lips as she leaned back in her bed. "It wasn't a bad dream. It was actually a very very good dream..."

"Oh really? And uh... what was I doing in this very very good dream?"

"Lets see," Olivia sighed as if she was struggling to remember. "You were on top of me. And you were nipping at my neck."

"And where exactly were my hands?" he asked in a low timber that sent a shudder through her back.

Olivia had to take a deep breath before she continued. "One was grabbing my breast and the other was in between my legs."

Brian groaned softly through the phone and she had to hold back her own moan. "Was I in you?"

Olivia nodded. "All the way," she told him in a sly whisper. "You were amazing. So amazing that it woke me up," she lied, deciding telling him about the alarm clock would kill the mood they had created.

"Did you wake up with a nice wet pussy?" Olivia bit her lip as his words rang in her ear. She had never been one for dirty talk during sex but the way Brian spoke to her when they were intimate that sent shudders down her spine. He knew when she needed him to take control and God did he know how to take control... But Brian was also one of the best lovers she ever had when she needed to just be close and intimate or when she needed to take control, giving just as much as he gave in all three situations.

"I did," she breathed softly.

"Are you wet right now?"

Olivia nodded, shifting her legs to aid in some of the need that was creeping back in between her legs. "Yes. And it's all because of you."

Brian took a deep breath before he spoke, his tone low and dripping with want for the woman on the phone. "I come over there and it's not gonna be gentle. I'm going to fuck you until you're screaming my name, you understand me?"

"I look forward to it," she purred.

She heard Brian shudder in delight. "I'll be right there."

The moment she heard the beep signifying he had hung up Olivia jumped out of the bed and ran to the shower. She only had twenty minutes before he would be there so she took one of the quickest showers in history, brushed her teeth, ran a brush through her hair and she had just managed to make the bed look halfway presentable when she heard her door unlock with the spare key she had given him.

Olivia jumped on the bed and smoothed out the outfit, not even worrying about the clock at this point as Brian, dressed in his uniform appeared in her bedroom, smirking at the vision before him.

"You certainly do know how to get a guy up and ready in the morning," he told her with a smirk as he dropped his gun belt on her floor.

Olivia shrugged as he approached her bed, smirking at him. "Not my fault you were in my dreams."

"Oh really?" he said with a sly grin as he began unbuttoning his top and pulled it off, leaving him in nothing but a white wife beater and his uniform pants. "I think," he breathed, "that it is in fact entirely your fault."

"Oh really?" she retaliated as he climbed on the bed and pushed her down, straddling her.

"Yup." He took off his wife beater and allowed Olivia to caress his well defined abs before he grabbed her hands and slammed them down on the bed. "And you're gonna get the best thank you you've ever received."

"How, exactly, will you be doing that?" Olivia asked, her voice trembling.

"By giving you the best fuck of your life," he hissed, his hand snaking into her hair and giving it a jerk back so his neck was exposed to him.

Without wasting another second his lips was on her, sucking and nipping at her neck, moving up until they found that one spot behind her ear that turned her into jelly.

Olivia let out a short lived scream and Brian grinned against her skin. "I love the fact you're a screamer," he breathed before he continued to devour her, finding out that particular fact fifteen years ago when they first slept together and it being just as true to this day.

His hand slid down between them and he ran a finger up her already dripping slit and brought it to his lips, giving his finger a gentle suck. He moaned appreciatively before he began moving his kisses down her body before he settled in between her legs.

He took one lick upwards and smirked when she screamed again. God he loved that sound...

"You got this wet just for me?" he breathed against her skin.

"Yes!" she moaned as began gently lapping at her with his tongue.

"Good."

With that he pressed his face into her and began lapping at her skin before his lips wrapped around her clit, earning another self gratifying scream as he alternated between sucking and licking.

He worked two fingers into her and began curling them forward being met with another scream.

Just as he started to work a third finger inside her there was a loud pounding at her door.

Both froze as the pounding continued. "I know you're in there!" a loud crotchety voice screeched at them.

"Fuck!" Olivia groaned as Brian pulled away from her and they both sat up in bed. With a heavy sigh Olivia pulled on her night clothes from the night before, a pair of shorts and a T shirt, before they headed out towards the door where the rather rude knocking continued.

Olivia went to unlock her doors but she found them already unlocked. She turned to Brian and narrowed her eyes. "You didn't lock the doors?"

Brian's face fell. "Shit, I'm sorry, Liv."

Olivia rolled her eyes but nevertheless she leaned in and gave him a quick kiss, both ignoring the incessant knocking. "Don't let it happen again."

She turned back towards the door and opened it to an incredibly large older woman in her mid sixties with a sour expression, her gray hair pulled into a ponytail. "It is six thirty in the morning!" the woman barked at Olivia.

"She has a clock," Brian told the woman as he wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head on her shoulder. "Granted she had other things on her mind then the time though," hr muttered against her skin and laying several playful kisses on the crook of her neck.

The woman glared at Brian before she turned back towards Olivia who was trying, and failing, to hold back a smile. "Well never the less I do not appreciate screaming when I am trying to sleep right next to your whore house!"

"I'm very sorry, Mrs. Pittman," said Olivia, not meaning the words at all.

"Oh really?" Pittman snapped. "Then why is it for the past week I've had to listen to you scream on a nightly basis!"

"I know you're lying because I wasn't here for the last few days top make her scream," said Brian with a playful smirk, once again forcing Olivia to hide her laughter.

Pittman gasped as if that was the filthiest thing that had ever been said in her presence. "How dare you! Just because you're the latest hoodlum to be sleeping with this slut-!"

"Hang on," interrupted Brian, the playfulness disappearing from his face. "Did you just call my girlfriend a slut?"

Pittman paused for a moment before she straightened herself out to the unintimidating height of 5'2. "Yes."

Brian raised his brow as he took his arms from around Olivia and walked in front of her. "I'm gonna ask that again," he told her, every single ounce of joy or playfulness gone replaced by what appeared to be anger. Olivia, who knew he wasn't really angry and was in fact trying to hold back her laughter, sat back and let him defend her from the woman she had had problems with on multiple occasions for one thing or another. "You really better think about the answer this time. Did you call my girlfriend a slut?"

Pittman swallowed her fear and nodded, taking a step back from him. "In the past two years alone she's had five different men in her apartment and screamed bloody murder each and every night she was with them! One of them was black and another Latino!" she hissed as if that was the worst insult she could throw at Olivia.

Brian turned back to Olivia and raised his brow. "Fin and Amaro?"

"Amaro and a Defense Attorney named Ellis, you don't know him," she replied casually, keeping the fact Brian knew full well not once did she ever sleep with either of the men who had come over to her apartment to herself.

Brian shrugged before he turned back to the woman. "First off it's none of your business if she was sleeping with one, ten, or a hundred men all in one night or if they were the top dogs in the Taliban. Second, who are you to complain about the sounds coming from her apartment? Every time I'm over here I gotta hear your shitty ass music blasting through the walls until about two in the morning but do we ever say anything?"

"That is Christian radio! It's God's word!"

"Well God's word sound like shit when the person singing them can't sing or play a decent guitar." Pittman gasped in shock again but Brian continued. "No, because we're decent people who realize the walls are thin and you can hear someone dropping a pin. How about you give us the same courtesy? You can keep your shitty music up, I'm not gonna quit fucking her into oblivion."

"You curse at me one more time and I will call the police!"

"We are the police!" Brian shot back. "And I swear to God if you call them I'm arresting you right now for harassment because I know this isn't the first time you've done this to her!"

Pittman's face fell as Brian's words sank in. "But-."

"And if you ever, and I mean you EVER! Come barging over to her apartment for whatever reason, I'm arresting you. Can you understand what I'm telling you or do I need to put in a picture book?"

Pittman swallowed whatever response she had and instead merely nodded. "Good. Now, if you excuse me, the most beautiful woman in this building needs to be given the best fuck in her life while the ugliest needs to go back to her apartment and stuff another piece of cake in her mouth to shut her up."

Brian returned a curt nod before he turned back towards Olivia, a smirk on his face she couldn't help but chuckle at, leading her back into her apartment and shutting the door behind him.

"You're gonna get me kicked out," Olivia chided but with a smile nevertheless as she wrapped her arms around Brian. "But I think it'll be worth it."

"Nobody calls my girl a slut," he told her with a proud grin.

Olivia laughed as she checked her watch and groaned, turning to Cassidy. "It's almost seven. I gotta get going."

Brian frowned as he pulled her in closer. "But I just defended your honor."

"And I promise I will properly thank you later," she purred with a grin.

Brian groaned but never the less accepted the inevitable conclusion that he would be leaving. "Fine, fine,' he sighed playfully. "I suppose some poor little blonde rookie could-."

"Could what exactly?" interrupted Olivia as she crossed her arms in front of her chest and raising her brow.

"Could listen to my tale of woe about how my amazing girlfriends neighbor interrupted us," he said with a scoff as if that was the obvious answer. "You have the filthiest mind I swear to God. You're corrupting my innocence."

Olivia rolled her eyes as a smile she was trying to hide broke though and Brian gave her a chaste kiss in the lips. "I'm gonna go get going you get dressed alright?"

He gave her a rapid amount of kisses on her neck, making his favorite shy grin break through before he headed into the bedroom.

Olivia sighed happily as she leaned against the door, smiling after him and unable to help her laughter when 'Praise Be To Him!' by I Worship blasted through her walls.

Please Review.


	8. Chapter 8

I own no one but my own people

Brian couldn't help but smile as he made his way up the four flights of steps, several shopping bags in his hands. He was going to make Olivia her favorite dinner, they were gonna cuddle on the couch together, and then, after dessert, he was going to ask her the question he had prepared himself to ask for the last two days.

Not to marry him. He already knew what kind of response that was going to get him. But he had to prove to her that he had no plans on leaving her and he was there for good until she ordered him away.

So he decided he was going to ask her to move in. A big step but not THE big step but big enough to try to prove to her he was serious when he said he had no intentions on hurting her. He loved her too much to hurt her, even if he wasn't allowed to say it to her.

When he stopped in front of her apartment he unlocked it using the key Olivia had given him. He made sure to lock the door behind him afterwards walking over to the kitchen island and began putting the groceries away. It was still early and the only thing he knew how to make that actually tasted edible and without having to pray it wouldn't burn to a crisp only to find his prayers were laughed at and ignored was cheese burgers and fries but tonight he would make his girl the best Cheeseburger and plate of fries she had ever tasted.

Olivia had had an incredibly rough week with their fights along with the case that had left her at the precinct for nearly twenty out of twenty four hours a day, that had visibly left her disgusted and drained. She deserved to be pampered by her man, even if he wasn't the best pamperer, he was gonna try his damnedest for her.

After he put the food away, Brian started a sink full of hot soapy water and not only washed, dried, and put away the few dirty dishes she had left over from the quick meals she had that week, but he had wiped down the counter and ran a broom and mop across the small amount of tile in her kitchen/dining area.

Afterwards he ran a vacuum through her living room and bedroom and straightened out various aspects of her apartment until Olivia considered it 'good' not by his standard which was as long as there was no cockroaches and rats running rampant in the apartment it was perfectly fine, but by Olivia, a self proclaimed clean freak, herself who had actually turned one of their date nights into cleaning his apartment and told him if she ever came over again and it looked like that, she'd hold out sex on him until he cleaned it.

His apartment hadn't seen a speck of dirt since.

Brian smiled at his work as he looked around her apartment. He went back out to the living room and grabbed some more supplies. Back when he was undercover he discovered he had a fragrance allergy that unfortunately included the huge multitude of scented candles Olivia had lying around her apartment. Once he had tried to survive the smell of the warm vanilla she loved so much but when after ten minutes he had the biggest migraine he had in his life, they both agreed no more scented candles.

But Brian wanted to make this night relaxing with her. So since he couldn't go into a candle shop without falling to the floor in pain, he opted for some Halloween Candles shaped like long white ghosts that emitted no scent for hopefully the same effect.

He put them in the tiny glass holders he bought and put them on the stands where she would normally light her own candles. Brian stood back and admired the soft glow and smiled. He had done alright in his opinion...

Brian went back to his bag where he pulled out a CD of soft jazz, her favorite music she liked to play while relaxing or wanted to be romantic, when he heard it.

A soft crash from her bedroom.

Brian narrowed her eyes as he set the CD down and walked slowly to hr bedroom.

"Liv?" he called out, thinking that maybe she was sleeping and he had missed her. "Baby, is that you?"

When he received no answer he reached for his weapon and pulled it out, holding it at the low ready. "Olivia?" he called out again, stopping dead in his tracks when he heard a soft creak. Brian swallowed his fear as he stepped into her bedroom, his heart pounding against his chest.

He looked around and saw that her fire escape had been pried open, the lock at the top broken. The moment Brian laid eyes on it he raised his weapon. "NYPD, show yourself!" he barked, glancing around the room. "you're caught red handed, asshole!"

When no one made themselves know, Brian listened carefully again, hearing another creak from the bathroom. Brian took another deep breath before he slowly walked over to her bathroom. "She only has sleeping pills!" he informed the intruder, still slowly inching towards the closed door. "She has no drugs or any other prescription drugs here!"

Brian took a deep breath as he grabbed the bathroom door. "You broke into a cops apartment, dumb ass!" he told the intruder who he thought for sure only wanted drugs. "You aren't gonna find anything besides bullet holes here!"

Just as Brian was about to open the door, the door slammed open from the other side, making Brian stumble and nearly fall if it hadn't been for the bedside stand he grabbed onto.

Lewis stepped out with his gun aimed at Cassidy, a sadistic grin on his face, the crowbar he had used to break in held aloft in his other hand. "And don't forget some nice hot Detective pussy I'm gonna fuck," Lewis said with a chuckle.

Brian saw the gun in Lewis' hand and he immediately tried to readjust his aim but Lewis aimed it at his head. "Drop the gun or her carpet is gonna be littered with your brains," he warned, pulling the charger back for effect.

Brian swallowed hard as he lowered his weapon before he put his hands in the air. "Like I said," said Brian, his tone a complete 180 from before. "Apart from her sleeping pills there's no prescription drugs and no narcotics. She has a jewelry box and no cash."

Lewis laughed as if Brian had said something hilarious. "I don't want drugs and I don't need money. Nah. What I want in this apartment should be coming home any minute..."

His words sank in and Brian felt an indistinguishable fury rage within him. "You aren't gonna fucking touch her!" he snarled.

"I take it you're the boyfriend?"

Brian's silence answered his question. "We'll I'd invite you but threes a crowd with the sort of fucking me and her are about to do."

"You touch her and I swear to God I'll fucking kill you!" bellowed Brian, insufferable anger filling him as this lunatic talked about Olivia.

Lewis threw a sociopathic grin at a seething Brian. "And how are you gonna stop me when you're dead yourself?"

Without giving him a moment to react, Lewis swung the metal crowbar and hit Brian as hard as he could in the rib, making the cop cry out in pain and hunch over. Lewis brought it over his head and brought it down on Cassidy's as hard as he could, making him fall to the floor, writhing in agony. Again and again he hit him, the blood beginning to splatter on the carpet and bedspread.

After about ten or so hits Lewis threw the crowbar down, grinning at the blood covered Brian who was no longer moving.

"Told ya threes a crowd," Lewis said with a smirk before he grabbed Brian by the feet and dragged him into the bathroom.

He'd wait a while before he let Olivia see it. A little bit of a surprise for her when she misbehaved.

"Liv," Brian grumbled as Lewis kicked him in the side making him roll over on his back so his face which was so covered by blood it was unidentifiable. "Liv..."

"Still alive?" Lewis asked in amazement. "You got a lot more heart then I thought. Ah well. I'm sure you won't be for long, don't worry. But while you're in here in agony knowing you're gonna die, you can listen to me give your precious girlfriend the best fuck she's ever had in her life.

"Liv," Brian grumbled again. "Liv. Liv..."

Lewis grinned like a Cheshire cat when he heard her front door unlock again. "That' must be her," he told Brian with a giddy smile. "Time to start the fun!"

Lewis left Brian in the dark room on the floor, the blood seeping out of him onto the tile. "Liv," he muttered, trying his hardest to warn her about the danger but he wasn't even sure he was speaking out loud much less loud enough for her to hear her. The blood that had dripped into his eyes began to fade to darkness and the world around him began to fade away.

The last thing he heard before complete darkness consumed him was Lewis telling Olivia, in the same spine tingling tone he had spoken to Brian with, "welcome home, Detective Benson."

**5 Days Earlier. **

"You seem to be in a lot better mood," Amanda greeted Olivia with a smile. Olivia shrugged it off, but had a hard time keeping the grin off her face.

"I take it you and Brian made up?"

"We did."

"And?"

"And lets just say my morning I didn't need coffee to get my day going." Olivia smirked and winked at the blonde before she took the seat at her desk, ignoring the disgusted grimace by Amaro. "We get anywhere on Lewis?"

"Nope," answered Amaro with a sigh. "Still just as lost as before."

Olivia groaned and ran a hand through her hair. "Look, as bad a feeling as this guy gives us, we can't shut down the entire unit looking for information on a guy who may just be a flasher," she told the squad but mainly Rollins who bit her tongue against arguing. "The weather's getting warmer which means a lot more criminals are about to do a lot more violent stuff then flash some tourists." Olivia sorted through some of her open cases on her desk, pulling up the most recent one sans Lewis. "What do we got on the Meloni case?"

"The idiot who think he's a vampire king and bit all those hookers after he raped them?" Fin scoffed. "Psycho's still in the wind."

"Well he was born and bred in DC and lived there for most of his life before coming here," Olivia mused, "get in touch with their SVU and see if they can help. If they got anything, then talk to Cragen about getting on a plane. There's not a lot of other routes he can take from here to DC so, Rollins, I want you to start looking at similar cases along from here to DC. Amaro, stay local, I'll check upstate and see if there's any similar cases. He lived in a little town called Utica for a few months before he came here so I'll start there. We all good?"

Her fellow Detectives nodded, Amanda a little bit more hesitantly then the rest, and began doing their assigned tasks.

Olivia turned back to her own screen to see Amaro smirking at her. "What?" she asked in confusion.

"Nothing.," he told her, "it's just... why didn't you ever go for leadership here?"

Olivia shrugged as she turned on her computer. "I've thought about it. I just don't know if I'm ready to sit behind a desk yet."

"I think leadership would suit you. Would you transfer out of SVU if you got your leadership role?"

"Definitely not," she told him as she logged on to her computer. "I've gotten a few offers from Homicide to take up a Lieutenant slot but I'd rather stay a Detective in SVU then advance anywhere else."

"I feel ya. So do you think the torch will go to you or Munch?"

Olivia shrugged. "I don't know. Munch has more seniority so it depends on if he wants to take the job or not. I wouldn't turn it down if Cragen offered it to me but I can wait my turn if it goes to him."

Amaro nodded and finished the conversation with a smile before he turned back to his screen. Olivia turned back to her own screen but had a hard time concentrating on the work, her mind kept drifting to her conversation with Amaro.

She could run this squad. Yes it'd be awkward telling the others what to do on an actual regular basis but she could get used to it.

Captain Olivia Benson. A small smile grew on her face at the thought of it. That definitely had a nice ring to it...

She always suspected that she would never be in charge and that her days would end as a Detective. That after Cragen it'd go to Munch and then Elliot or it'd go right to Elliot and she would finish out her days here as Lead Detective like she was now.

But now that Elliot turned in his papers... There was no reason for her not to take the reigns after they were passed down either by Munch or Cragen.

She smiled at the thought once more before she forced herself to focus on the task she had given herself.

Seven hours later and after they found out Meloni AKA the Vampire King was picked up in Utica on an Attempted Rape charge and they had no problems sending him downstate to be prosecuted, Olivia and the crew was back to working on trying to find out any information they could on Lewis when the phone rang.

"Manhattan Special Victims Unit, Detective Benson speaking," Olivia answered professionally, grabbing a notepad and a pen. There was a long pause before her jaw dropped and her eyes widened. "What's the address?" she asked rapidly, gaining the attention of her fellow Detectives. Olivia jolted down the address and quickly hung up the phone, getting up from her chair and grabbing her coat.

"What's wrong?" asked Amaro with concern.

"Alice Parker was raped," Olivia answered, her voice shaking with rage before she went into Cragen's office. She didn't even bother knocking on the door and instead merely threw open the door.

Cragen looked up from his paperwork and narrowed his eyes in confusion. "Olivia, what's going-?"

"Alice Parker was raped."

Cragen's eyes went wide as he stood up, swallowing his emotions hard. "Take Amaro. I'll be right behind you."

Olivia nodded and sprinted out of the office. She thought she heard him mutter, "I knew something was wrong," but she ignored it for the time being. She went back out to the Bull Pen where Amaro was already ready to go and tossed her the keys, both of them heading out without a word.

They arrived at the building within an hour with Cragen pulling up within a minute, the building already swarming with Cops and CSU. Olivia and Amaro sprinted into the building, flashing their badges. They quickly got on the elevator and rode up to her apartment where they saw the landlord who looked just as terrified as Alice. "Some of the neighbors called me about the screams so I went to check on her and I found her like that!" she told Amaro when they walked up to her.

EMT's brought Alice out, her face littered with cuts and bruises with tear running down her face. "Go in her apartment," Olivia instructed Amaro. "I'll go with her."

Amaro nodded and while Olivia made a beeline for their newest victim, Amaro headed into the apartment.

Olivia got to the stretcher and began walking hastily along side it. "Ms. Parker, I'm Detective Benson," she told her softly. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"He raped me!" she cried out through her tears, "he di- did things to me!"

"Who?"

"Lewis, that beast! I came home and he was there! He- he had a gun!"

"Do you remember what time?"

"Right around ten last night!"

"Okay, do you remember what time he left?

"A- around noon!"

Olivia saw Cragen coming through the doorway and he too ran up to Alice. "What happened?" he demanded.

Olivia and Cragen walked a few feet in front of the stretcher so she couldn't hear. "Lewis raped and tortured her at gunpoint for eighteen hours," she spat before they both turned back to Alice.

"Ms. Parker, I'm so sorry," Cragen told her, more sympathy and sorrow in his voice then he had ever used with a victim. "If there's anything I can do-."

"Just get the bastard," she spat, using a curse word for the first time in months but she felt he deserved it.

"I'll ride with her," Olivia told a clearly shaken Cragen before they headed into the elevator.

Alice wiped her tears away with a shaking hand, letting out a laugh mixed with a sob when the elevator doors shut behind them. "I think he has a crush on me."

Olivia forced a smile to her lips as she nodded. "I think you might be right."

Alice laid back down on the stretcher, tears streaming down her face. Her eyes fluttered open and shut for a moment before she fell silent.

Olivia's eyes widened as she looked at the Paramedic's faces. "What just happened?"

"She was hysterical when we showed up," the Paramedic at her head told Olivia. "We gave her a sedative before we took her out. She was in a lot of pain."

Olivia nodded as she continued to walk with them. She pulled out her phone and dialed Amanda. "Rollins, it's Benson. Take Fin and a squad, get down to the halfway house Lewis said he lived at and you haul his ass in!"

"What'd he do?" asked Amanda slightly stunned.

"He raped and tortured a 60 year old woman for eighteen hours. Bring vests."

Olivia hung up the phone and turned back to Alice who even in her sleep looked frightened at what Lewis put this innocent sweet woman, a woman her captain felt something for, through.

Olivia didn't even bother to control her anger she felt for the sick bastard, vowing right then and there she wouldn't rest until he was behind bars for the rest of his life...

Please Review


	9. Chapter 9

I own no one but my own people

Fin got up from Olivia's bedside and sprinted over to the bathroom where Amanda was looking in, her eyes wide with terror as she looked at a bloody Cassidy lying on the bathroom floor.

Fin ran in and kneeled down next to Brian and put his fingers against his neck. "Is he alive?" asked Amanda, her voice cracking with tears at the terror around her.

Fin held on for several more moments before he nodded and stood up. "Barely. Radio dispatch again, tell them we got another office down at the same address, severe head trauma, barely breathing and low pulse. Make sure he stays breathing and his heart keeps pumping."

Fin went back to Olivia and continued to do whatever he could to make sure she stayed with them. He shoved a clean towel in between her legs, throwing away the blood drenched one from earlier.

He felt her pulse again and his eyes widened with fright when he no longer felt one.

"I lost her!" Fin barked at Amanda who quickly radioed back to the Dispatcher they not only had a second Cop down but that the first no longer had a pulse or a breath.

Amanda stood in the doorway to the bathroom, fear and panic threatening to overwhelm the blonde detective as Fin tilted his head back, held her nose, and breathed into the unconscious Olivia. He gave her several chest compressions before he preformed another rescue breath, checking her vitals once again after he was done.

"Come on, Liv, stay with me!" Fin ordered as he once again saw no rise and fall of her chest and felt no beating of her heart, the sirens that had been a mere echo now getting louder as they drew closer. "Stay with me, Girl, come on!"

Amanda watched as Fin bent back over Olivia and repeated the procedure, praying to God that the woman laying on the bed would survive whatever that monster had put her through.

Moments later they both heard footsteps storming up the stairs and then someone all but crashed through Olivia's front door.

"In here!" Fin cried out as he gave her more chest compressions. The first set of paramedics ran into her bedroom, stretcher in hand where they look one look at Olivia and rolled it over to the woman bound on the bed. They tapped Fin on the shoulders who immediately got out of the way. They attached a breathing mask to her face while one continued the compressions Fin had been given to her heat

"I'll ride with Olivia," Fin told Amanda as the Paramedics lifted her from the bed and placed her on the stretcher as they heard another set of footsteps pounding up the staircase that was meant for Brian. "Call Amaro and Cragen, tell them to get CSU and get their asses over here now! I'll call you when I figure out what hospital we're going to."

Amanda nodded as Fin and the Paramedics sprinted out the door with Olivia in tow without a single look back.

Amanda waited impatiently as another set of Paramedics rolled in no more then half a minute after Olivia had been taken out of the apartment and they hooked a still seemingly lifeless Brian up to a stretcher and rolled him out with equal haste.

Once she was alone Amanda felt tears in her eyes that she tried to hold back but the more she looked around the trashed apartment the harder they fell.

After she had consoled herself as long as she dared, Amanda took a deep breath as she got out her phone again and dialed a familiar number, praying she maintained whatever minute amount of strength she had left.

"Captain Cragen, Manhattan SVU."

At the sound of her superiors voice, that strength vanished and she let out a sob.

"Rollins? Rollins, whats wrong, are you okay?" demanded Cragen suddenly on high alert. "Where are you?"

"Liv's apar- apartment! She was attacked by Lewis! We- we don't know if she's gonna make it!""

There was a short pause before Cragen spoke, his tone frightening her almost as much as the situation she was in. "We'll be right there."

There was a click that told Amanda he had hung up, Amanda put the phone back in her pocket and took several breaths that did nothing to console her. Finally, making sure she was away from the blood and the marks on the carpet, she got on her knees, folded her hands, and prayed.

Amanda had always been a religious woman. Not a fanatic by any means but she did believe in God and Christ and the miracles the Good Book said they preformed. She went to Church every Sunday since before she could remember and always prayed to God.

Rather it be to help her sister out, to help her with her gambling addiction or to win her bets before she had gotten help, to help the victims, to make those who raped innocent women be forced to live through the pain they put others through, she had turned to Him to help.

But never once, in all of her years of prayer, did she every pray as hard as she did now on the carpet in the room where her friend had been violated for hours on end, begging and pleading God to let Olivia survive this...

6 Days Earlier

"He was there when I walked in," Alice Parker told Olivia once she had settled into the hospital, the rape kit that he older woman had taken in surprising stride ready for CSU to come collect. "It was about eight a clock. I heard a noise so I went into my Bedroom and he was there with a gun."

Olivia quickly wrote down what Alice told her. "He pushed me into my room and he made me undress. I... I tried to cover myself but he just laughed at me and pushed me on the bed."

"There was cables on the headboard. Were those there when he pushed you on the bed already or did he put them there after?" asked Olivia as gently as she could.

"They were already there. I wanted to fight but he had the gun and I was afraid." Alice sniffed and wiped her tears. "Maybe if I had actually challenged him I wouldn't be in this mess right now."

"You did exactly what you were supposed to," Olivia told her as he looked up from her notes. "You survived."

Alice took a shuddering breath before she nodded. "He uh, he tied me up but left one of my hands free. He took off his clothes before he grabbed my free hand and he put it on... on his... private parts and I started to... to cry. It's not the first time I've touched a man, I have three children," Alice clarified as if Olivia had rolled her eyes over the fact she had shed tears over what Lewis made her do. "But I haven't been with a man since my husband died three years ago and it was just a bit overwhelming."

"That's perfectly normal, Mrs. Parker. Plus you owe no explanations on anything that happened," Olivia told her gently. "Lewis is the only one who needs to answer for any of it."

Alice took a deep breath before she continued. "He... he laughed at me again and told me that if I was already crying over this then I wasn't gonna last throughout the night. He made my hand stroke him until he was... ready to do what he had plans to do. After that he climbed on top of me and... and he um... uh Lewis, he..."

Olivia swallowed hard as the older victim struggled to tell Olivia what had been done to her. She didn't want to imagine what it would be like for Alice if this went to trial...

"What did he do?" Olivia prompted as gently as she could.

Alice sniffed and once again wiped away her tears. "He ra- raped me. His hands were grab- grabbing my chest and he was biting my neck, an- and he was saying the most vile things I'd ever heard!"

"What was he saying, Mrs. Parker?"

She shook her head as more tears fell to replace the ones she had cleared away. "I won't repeat it."

Olivia took out a page in her notebook along with an extra pen. "do you think you could write it down? Like you did when he flashed those two girls?"

Alice looked between the paper and Olivia and she sniffed. "Do you really need to know what he said? How is that important?"

"Every little detail helps, Mrs. Parker. If he attacked another woman and said the same things to her, we can get him for her attack as well simply by matching it up in the computer," Olivia told her."

Alice sighed before she shook her head, pushing the piece of paper away. "If I wrote down every horrible thing he said to me, you'd be out of paper." She took a deep breath before she glanced down at the blanket that was covering her,

"He. He told me that even though I have an old... an old pu- pussy, it was still good enough to.. to fu-... to fuck," she finished in a whisper as more tears began to make their way down her face. "There was more but I can't say them or want to think about them. It was disgusting and no one should ever need to hear it," she told Olivia sternly. "You'll have enough evidence to match up, I promise."

She took a deep breath before she continued. "After he was finished he... sat on my face and held a gun to my head and told me to open up and that I was getting my first meal of the night. He... tasted absolutely repellent. After he was... done, I threw up. And then he laughed at me again. Like he was happy I was being embarrassed," she finished with a trembling voice.

Olivia jotted down the notes once more. "Then what happened?"

Alice continued to tell Olivia what Lewis had done to her. He had raped her twice more before he got out the cigarettes...

"He burnt me," said Alice with a trembling voice. "All over my private areas."

Olivia closed her eyes and licked her lips, struggling to keep the revulsion from her tone and to let her see the shudder. She couldn't imagine going through something like that. She would take any other torture over fire...

"After he got through two cigarettes there was a knock at my door. He untied me, made me put on my robe and told me if I said anything that made the guy suspicious he'd kill me and make the other person take my place. It was Captain Cragen. He was so sweet," said Alice with a short lived smile. "You don't see that kind of attitude with men anymore. I knew he would help me if I said anything but I didn't wanna think about him going through what that beast was making me go through so I sent him away." After a pause she added. "He knows not to blame himself right?"

Olivia knew her Captain well enough to know that he would indeed be blaming himself for everything this woman had gone through. But instead of telling the victim the absolute truth, Olivia simply nodded. "Of course. He knows the only person to blame is Lewis Williams. Can you tell me what happened after Captain Cragen left?"

Alice nodded before she continued, telling Olivia how he forced her back into the bedroom. "He asked if I had feelings for the Captain. I was to afraid to tell him the truth so I told him no and he told me he knew I was lying and I needed to be punished. He... he took me out to the kitchen. He wouldn't let me cover up and he laughed every time I tried. He sat me down on the chair, and turned on the stove. He.. he put my keys on a frying pan and left them there for a while. He picked them up and..."

Steady streams of tears flooded down her face as she took a gasping breath. "He branded me with the keys. Th- then he took a- a wire hanger and branded me with it. I begged him to stop but he just laughed at me again, he always just laughed at me!"

A sob ripped past the older woman's throat and her heart machine started beeping rapidly. Her eyes fluttered open and shut for a moment before they closed. Olivia stood up from the chair as a doctor and nurse hurried in. "Ma'am, you need to step out for a moment," the nurse told Olivia hastily as the machines continued to erupt in sirens. Olivia hurried out of the room and shut the door behind her, just as the drapes were drawn on the room.

The detective sighed as she leaned against the wall. How could one man be that sadistic? To torture and rape a woman as sweet and kind as Alice Parker for the hell of it? It was unthinkable.

In all of her years working SVU, Olivia had never dealt with someone as psychotic as William Lewis and she prayed she would never have to again.

Olivia was still lost in her thoughts when she heard someone call her name. She turned and saw Cragen with a bouquet of white lilies in one hand a book titled 'Best of New York City Photography' in the other walking up to her, worry and fear etched in his face. "Is she okay?"

"She started telling me what Lewis did to her, she got to the branding, and her heart started going wild and passed out. Doctors are working on her how," Olivia informed him.

"Yeah, Amaro found heart medication on her drawer. With everything Lewis put her though, I'm amazed it hasn't happened before this." Cragen looked in the window at the older woman who had been through literal hell and back. Olivia looked over his face and saw the same look in his eyes she had when she was waiting to see if Brian would survive the shootings.

Cragen took a deep breath before he turned towards her. "Go to the precinct, start looking up other cases connected to what she's told you so far. Amaro still at her apartment and Fin and Rollins are heading over to the half way house to arrest Lewis. I'll stay here and take the rest of her statement if she wakes up."

Though all of the horror that the woman in the next room told to her, Olivia managed a little smile. "She likes you just as much as you like her, Captain. She told me as much."

Cragen looked over at Olivia who raised her brow as if to dare him to tell her she was wrong. "She's strong, Captain, she'll survive this."

Cragen sighed as he turned back towards the window and glanced back at the window. "I hope you're right."

Olivia gave him a reassuring smile before she headed back down the hallway.

Two hours later she was in front of her computer screen, trying desperately to find anything that could help her find other victims. Cragen called her and updated her with more details of the attack. When asked if he was going to come back, Cragen muttered something about spending the night encase Alice remembered anything else. Olivia had no luck in hiding back the smile in her tone as she bid her Captain goodnight.

Another hour passed and Olivia still had no luck on finding any information on Lewis. Amaro had come and gone, Olivia would have liked it if he stayed and helped but he had two small children at home and a sitter who got paid by the hour, while Fin and Rollins were staked out on Cragen's orders.

Olivia ignored the grumbling in her stomach as she waited for the recent search results to pop up.

She was the only one left in the building and the bullpen was dimmed to the point Olivia's desk side lamp was the brightest light shining.

Olivia heard the elevator ding and she glanced over at the hallway curiously. What cops the 1-6 did have on night call hardly ever came up to their floor unless they were out of coffee ingredients. When no one came around the corner for several moments she stood up, grabbing the butt of her weapon. "Hello?" she called out as she slowly made her way over, her mind racing with the words of Alice Parker and what had happened to her.

"Liv?"

She breathed a sigh of relief at the familiar voice and immediately pulled her hand away from her weapon. "Jesus, Brian, you scared me," Olivia said as Brian rounded the corner, a pizza box and a 2 liter of Diet Cherry Pepsi in hand. "What are you doing here?"

"You never showed up for dinner and you weren't answering your calls," he told her.

Olivia's face fell. She ran a hand over her face and groaned at her own forgetfulness. "Bri, I'm SO sorry! I completely forgot we had dinner tonight! This case I'm dealing with, it's-!"

"Liv, I get it," he told her with a smile. "Remember I did work with you before. Plus I figured you were busy with a case so I brought you nourishment."

Brian set the pizza and soda on her desk before he looked at her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her in tight against him.

"I am sorry I forgot," she told him again sincerely. "This case I'm dealing with is... this guys a sociopath. He raped and tortured a 60 year old woman for eighteen hours straight. He humiliated her, Bri, and got off on doing it."

"Jesus," Brian breathed. "Is she okay?"

Olivia shrugged. "Physically I think she will be, emotionally... I don't know. And I'm sorry for telling you all this, I know you aren't a fan of my work."

"Babe, if you need to talk about this then pleas feel free to say 'fuck you' and talk. I can handle hearing about your cases," Brian assured her as he began leading her not to her desk but to the cribs.

"I know what you're thinking," said Olivia as he shut the door behind him. "And the answer is no. Everyone from Rollins to Munch sleeps in these beds."

"You have a dirty mind, Olivia Benson," he told her with a smile as he sat down on one of the bottom bunks. "9.999 times out of ten your intentions are usually spot on but this time is different, I promise. I just wanna give you a massage to relax you, that's it."

Olivia chuckled as she sat down beside him who immediately got up. "Okay now lay face down." She raised her brow but he promised her no sex so she did as she was told. Without another word Brian straddled her back and began to work and massage the tense muscles in her back and shoulders, making the woman below him groan in satisfaction. "Holy shit, Bri. Where did you learn how to do this?"

Brian shrugged as he continued to work her muscles. "You'd be surprised how tense pimps can get. I got a lot of practice when I was undercover."

Olivia simply nodded as she let out another moan as he kneaded her wound up muscles. After he felt her completely loosen up, Brian leaned down and began to kiss her neck, instantly finding that one spot behind her ear that turned her to mush.

"I thought you said you weren't thinking about sex?" she asked, but made no other move to discourage him after he had relaxed her enough to the point she felt like a new woman.

"You've never heard of a happy ending massage?" he muttered against her skin.

"Is this also something you practiced on the pimps you were undercover with?"

Brian retaliated with a gentle nip at her ear, sending a shudder down her spine. "You know there's other muscles that I know how to relax."

"Oh really?" Olivia purred.

Brian's hand slid down her body until he reached the front of her jeans. "Really," he whispered hotly in her ear as he slowly slid his hand inside her jeans and underwear.

Olivia bit her lip as Brian unzipped and unbuttoned her jeans and he slipped his hand inside her jeans and underwear. He ran a single finger up her already wet slit as he continued to kiss behind her ear. 'You're so beautiful," he whispered softly, his finger teasing her with single gentle strokes.

Olivia couldn't help as she bucked against his touch as his free hand made it way up to her ass where that too slid under her jeans. He began to massage her there as well, still whispering in her ear just how beautiful she was and how perfect she felt... A complete one eighty from that morning but it still had the same effect; wanting Brian to take her right then and there.

Just as Olivia was about to voice that particular desire to him, a distinct ringing came from her jeans that made both of them groan in annoyance.

"It could be about the case, I gotta answer it," Olivia explained apologetically.

"No problem," Brian told her as he gave her a chaste kiss behind her ear before he pulled his hands away from her.

He reached in her jeans pocket and pulled out her phone. Seeing the contact name on the screen, instead of handing it to Olivia he answered it himself. "Brian Cassidy's massage house, happy endings guaranteed, how may I help you?"

"Put Olivia on the phone now, Cassidy!" Amaro barked at him.

"Ooh touchy touchy. You know I got a guy that'll relax you a little. Can I put you down for Latino male mid thirties next Tuesday?"

"Put. Her. On. The. PHONE!"

Brian rolled his eyes as he handed the phone to Olivia. "Tell Rickey Ricardo he needs to get laid!" Brian said just loud enough for Amaro to hear him as he climbed off of her.

"What's going on, Nick?"

"Your boyfriend's an asshole!" Amaro barked at her.

"I assume you didn't call me up just to tell me that?"

She heard him sigh and take a deep breath before he spoke, "Amanda and Fin found Lewis, they're bringing him in now."

Olivia bolted up from the position on the bed. "Thanks. I'll let Cragen know."

Without another word Olivia hung up the phone and got up from the bed, zipping up and buttoning up her jeans. "They found the guy," she told a confused Brian. "The one who raped the sixty year old."

Brian jumped up from his spot on the bed as he walked back out to the bull pen with her. "I gotcha. You want me to stick around?"

"Don't you have work in the morning?"

"Not if you need me to stay with you."

Olivia turned around to face him and gave him a grateful kiss before she pulled away. "Thank you, Brian, but I gotta be completely focused on this guy. I don't want him getting out on some technicality."

Brian nodded in understanding before he gave her another swift kiss. "I get it. Stay safe, Liv."

"Always," she said with another chaste kiss before she turned her attention back towards the task at hand; making sure William Lewis payed for his crimes...

Please Review.


	10. Chapter 10

I own no one but my own people

"Please don't let it be that bad, please don't let it be that bad!"

Amaro repeated the mantra in his head over and over as he raced his car down the Manhattan streets with the lights on and the sirens at full volume, his lip trembling as he choked back tears of rage.

How could he have been so stupid? He knew in his heart Olivia would never say what she said to him and actually meant it. She had been trying to tell him something was wrong but he didn't look any deeper then the surface.

"Damn it!" he roared as he pounded the steering wheel with his fist. He barreled down the streets towards his partners apartment groaning in annoyance when the streets were filled to the brim with a typical afternoon Manhattan traffic jam.

"Get out of the way!" Amaro bellowed at the drivers as honked his horn. Some attempted to thanks to the sirens and lights but most stayed contently in one place. Amaro narrowed his eyes as he jerked the tire to the left and began racing down the pavement in between the lanes of cars, scratching and denting each and every one on either side until he got to the head of the traffic jam and continued on his way.

He knew he would pay later but right then he didn't care. He had to get to her apartment and see the damage He had to know if she was alright or not... but as he looked in the rear view mirror and saw the car containing Cragen pull the same highly illegal maneuver, Amaro knew the scolding wouldn't be that bad.

After a long painstakingly five minutes had passed he pulled up to her building where multiple cop cars and a CSU van was already parked out front.

Not even bothering to pull his car over to the side, Amaro stopped in the middle of the street and sprinted towards the building. He flashed his badge at the officer who was stationed at the door and raced up the four flights of stairs to where her apartment sat.

The yellow crime scene tape was stretched tight across her doorway and Amaro swallowed hard as he paused to look at it before he walked into her apartment. He wrinkled his nose in disgust at the noxious fumes that invaded his nose. The smell of drugs burning, alcohol, rotten food, stale cigarette smoke, blood and, he had to hold back being sick at this one, burnt flesh, wafted heavily in the air.

Amaro glanced around the soiled apartment. Her kitchen was covered in beer cans that had been used as ashtrays, tiny bags that at one time contained meth littered her kitchen island, her beloved painted picture Calvin had given her tossed carelessly to the floor, stepped on, ripped, and had some form of black sticky liquid spilt onto it, while keys and wire hangers cut into a straight line littered her stove.

He swallowed hard as he slowly walked into the bedroom where Amanda was talking to one of the CSU's. Her bed was littered with blood and other stains Lewis had caused and two cut cables were still tied to the headboard.

Amaro stared at the dark red stain that was in the middle of his partners bed, wanting nothing more then to put Lewis exactly through what he did to Olivia, when a voice broke him of his thoughts. "Amaro?"

Amaro turned and saw Rollins, her eyes red and puffy from crying before they got there but for now she remained dignified and confident, standing behind him. "I... I don't know where to start," she admitted with a hint of shame in her voice. "I mean this isn't just a regular case, this is Olivia."

Amaro nodded, her statement reminding him that Rollins was still just a rookie really in terms of Detective work.

But she was right. This was Olivia, not just a regular victim. They couldn't miss a single hair or fiber or anything when it came to her case but at the same time everything had to be strict, vivid, by the book with no corners cut. Lewis wasn't getting away on a damn technicality this time...

Amaro reached out and gently laid a hand down on Amanda's shoulder and gave her a gentle smile. "It's gonna be okay, Rollins. I promise."

"Bu- but she wasn't breathing when they took her away and Cassidy was covered in blood and I don't know if he's ever gonna be the same, and-."

Amaro narrowed his eyes in confusion at the new information. "Cassidy was here?"

Amanda nodded towards the bathroom. Wordlessly Amaro walked over and took a look into the bathroom.

He had to force his lunch not to make a reappearance. "Jesus Christ," Amaro groaned as he searched over the blood stained tile. "He was still alive after this?"

Amanda nodded as she and Amaro turned away from the blood. "He's got heart," Amaro mused. "Probably went down defending Liv."

Amanda nodded in agreement before a voice shouting for the two of them broke their concentration.

Both novice Detectives hurried out of the bedroom and stopped in front of Cragen who was filled with such an irate rage his entire body was trembling. "Amanda, get to the hospital," Cragen barked. "You do not leave her side until she has a rape kit done and her next of kin is notified. While you're waiting you need to call Munch, tell him to get his ass back here to Manhattan and handle Cassidy's case. Tell Fin to get his ass back over here, me and him are gonna be searching for Lewis. Amaro you stay here and lead the CSU through collecting."

Amaro shook his head. "I know you don't want defiance right now, Captain, but I'm going out looking for him."

"No you aren't."

"Yes I am."

"Amaro, you aren't getting near this guy and that's final."

Amaro and Cragen stared at one another crossly for a moment before the younger Detective crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Is this because I didn't rescue her this morning when I had the chance?"

"No," Cragen sighed. "That isn't it at all."

"Then what is it?"

Cragen looked him dead in the eyes "What is it is I am your commanding officer and I told you to do something else. Are we done with the questions, Detective?"

Amaro glared at Cragen for a moment before he nodded. "Yes Sir."

Cragen gave him a curt nod. "Good. You both know what you have to do so get going. I want this wrapped up with a box by the time Barba even hears about this case."

Without another word Cragen walked off towards the bedroom leaving the two of them alone.

"This is bullshit," Amaro muttered as he yanked gloves out of his pocket and pulled them on. "She's my partner. I should be out there investigating her attack, not holding CSU's hands!"

Amanda remained silent as Amaro stormed off towards the kitchen without another word. Knowing she was about to get her head bitten off by Cragen or Amaro if she stayed there too much longer, the blonde hurried out of the apartment and down the stairs.

When she arrived at the hospital a half hour later she saw Fin in the waiting room in the trauma center. She walked over to him and the moment he spotted her he rose from his chair. "Any word?" asked Amanda.

"They're both still in surgery. She's lost a lot of blood, plus the shock along with the emotional and physical trauma he put her through... They're trying to repair the damage and they can't let us get a rape kit until she's out of the OR meaning that their surgeries and what not-"

"Will get rid of a lot of evidence," she finished with a sigh. "But honestly we don't that much evidence, we know who did this. How's Cassidy."

"Haven't heard that much about him. Lot's of lacerations to the head, blunt force trauma...If he comes out of this there's no telling what he'll be like."

Amanda blinked back tears. She saw the way they looked at one another, they loved one another. Olivia would need all the support and love and acceptance she could handle when she woke up. If her boyfriend died or was a complete different person when he woke up... Amanda couldn't begin to imagine how horrific that would be.

She cleared her throat as she nodded. "Cragen wants you to meet up with him at her apartment. I'll stay with them."

Fin gave her a weak smile before he wrapped his arms around her and allowed her to rest her head on his shoulder and embrace him as well. "They're gonna be fine, Amanda. They're both too stubborn to let someone like Lewis ruin their lives."

"I know." Her voice cracked with tears but she didn't care at this point. "I'm just scared for them, Fin."

"Don't be. They're tough. Neither would want you crying over them okay?"

Amanda let loos a shaking breath as she nodded; sniffling and wiping her tears away before she pulled away from her partner. He gave her another quick smile before he leaned down and kissed her softly on the forehead. "Call me. Let me know how they're doing alright?"

Amanda nodded and wiped her tears once more. "Okay."

With another soft smile Fin turned and walked out of the hospital.

Amanda took a moment to compose herself before she walked over to the nursing station and flashed the nurse her badge. "I'm Detective Rollins, I need to see the emergency contact information for Brian Cassidy and Olivia Benson."

The nurse, who had been busy playing Candy Crush Saga on her phone, groaned as if she had been interrupted doing something important and logged onto the computer. "What did you need?"

"Emergency Contact Information for Brian Cassidy and Olivia Benson," Amanda repeated.

The nurse quickly printed out the forms she had requested. "We already tried contacting both of them, several times, neither one answered."

"That's because Bart Ganzel is in jail and Simon Marsden has fallen off the grid completely and neither one bothered to update their medical information yet," Amanda said with a sigh. "Is there an older form they filled out?"

The nurse groaned loudly as she pressed several more keys on her keyboard. "Brian Cassidy's is the same but the last person in the system for Olivia Benson apart from Simon is someone called..." She typed a few more keys. "Elliot Stabler."

Amanda's eyes widened at the name of the man she had heard about but never met rang in her ears. "Do you want me to call him?" the nurse asked a stunned Amanda.

Amanda swallowed hard before she nodded. "Yeah. Yeah try him."

The nurse quickly dialed the number on the phone and Amanda's hands began to sweat. "Hi, is this Elliot Stabler?" the nurse said after several moments. "This is Jackie Rydell, I'm an RN at Mercy Hospital in Manhattan. Your name is on an old contact information sheet for an Olivia Benson. She's a patient here in the ICU." There was a long pause that made the nurse think he had hung up on her. "Hello? Hello, Mr. Stabler, are you still with me?" Another pause. "It doesn't look good, Mr. Stabler. She's lost a lot of blood, she's in shock, multiple internal injuries... I can't give out any more information on the phone but looks like she was the victim of an attack. I got a Detective Rollins here from if you'd like to speak to her."

Amanda's heart jumped into her throat as the nurse handed her the phone. Wiping her palms on her jeans Amanda took the phone with a shaking hand. She took a deep breath before she spoke. "Thi- this is Detective Rollins."

"What the hell happened to Olivia?" a loud voice demanded making Amanda jump.

"She was attacked in her apartment and it doesn't look good."

"What kind of attacked?" Amanda swallowed hard but before she could think of what to say he was yelling at her again. "I worked SVU for 20 damn years, I can handle it! Just tell me if she was raped or not!"

"We... we believe she may have been raped and sexually assaulted," Amanda told him quickly. Now she realized why everyone called the former Detective the 'poster boy for Anger Management' whenever they spoke about him.

"Son of a bitch!" Amanda jumped as she heard a loud crash that sounded like something getting thrown hard against a wall followed by someone slamming open a door and a woman demanding to know what was going on. "Call in to work, tell them you got a baby sitting emergency, I can't watch Eli today."

"Why? Elliot, what the hell is going on?"

"Olivia's in the hospital."

Amanda heard the woman who had just joined gasped. "Oh my God! Is she okay?"

"I don't know, they say it's really bad. Will you please call in, Kathy?"

"Of course. I love you."

"Love you too. What hospital is she at?" Amanda jumped back to attention as she realized he was talking to her instead of the woman he had dubbed Kathy.

"She's at Mercy, fifth floor."

Without another word Elliot hung up, leaving Amanda standing there holding the phone to her ear. She handed it back to the nurse who hung it up and went back to the addictive app.

This was about to get a whole lot more interesting

**6 Days Earlier**

Olivia had finished up her paperwork as Fin and Amanda brought Lewis in in handcuffs. He turned towards Olivia and their eyes met. He smirked at her while she simply maintained the steely glare that had most criminals cowering, neither one breaking until he was brought around the corner.

Amaro followed afterwards and immediately beelined for his partner. "You tell your fucking uni boyfriend he needs to grow up!" Amaro snarled at her as she stood up from her chair. "And this is a police precinct, not a damn brothel!"

Olivia raised a brow as she looked behind her and to the side before she turned back to her irate partner. "I'm sorry, who are you talking to because I know you aren't speaking to me like that..."

Amaro glared at her for a moment before he jabbed his finger in the direction Amanda and Fin had dragged him off in. "That guy raped and tortured a sixty year old woman and all you care about is playing grab ass with that immature punk!"

"I'm not in the mood," she warned as she grabbed her paperwork.

"No apparently you're in the mood for that immature ass hat instead of doing your job!"

"Amaro, stop, NOW," Olivia told him, leaving no room for argument in her tone. "Yes Brian came over to give me dinner because I haven't eaten in thirty six hours, yes he gave me a massage in the crib while I waited for results on the computer." Olivia decided that for now it would be best if she left out about the part she was one second away from turning that massage into something a lot further. "Yes, he made a joke at your expense but get over it!

I'm tired, I'm hungry, It's two a clock in the morning, we still have nothing on that sadistic asshole apart from Alice Parker's attack and I swear to God I don't need this right now, Nick. I know you don't like Brian and trust me he isn't that fond of you either. But right now you need to put it the hell aside and do your damn job."

"I'm trying to do my job but-!"

"But nothing! Right now I'm the senior officer here and I'm giving you an order to shut your mouth, buck the hell up, and help me interrogate that monster so you can go home to your kids, do you understand me?"

The two glared angrily at one another before Amaro went to attention before he saluted her. "Yes, Ma'am."

Olivia rolled her eyes at the younger detective, "you're an ass," she grumbled as she pushed past him.

Amaro followed her, both still seething at their respective partners, to the interrogation room where Amanda and Fin were struggling to pretend they hadn't heard the shouting between their colleagues. Olivia went to throw open the door but Amanda stalled her. "Hang on, shouldn't you have a plan of attack before you go in?"

"This guy is to smart for any of the tricks. We're gonna just go in there and hammer him."

Amaro shrugged carelessly. "You're the boss."

Olivia threw a glare at him as he threw open the door and walked inside with Olivia who slammed it shut behind them.

Lewis, who was still in cuffs laughed at the anger ringing clear in her eyes "Someone isn't having a fun night."

"Shut up, Lewis," she barked as she walked over next to him, far to wound up to sit while Amaro stood at the opposite side of the table and crossed his arms intimidatingly over his chest. "We caught you all but red handed. Your fingerprints, your DNA, it's all over Alice Parker and her apartment."

Lewis narrowed his eyes in confusion. "What are you talking about?" he asked as he looked between Olivia and Amaro.

"What she's talking about is Alice Parker was found raped and beaten and tortured in her apartment around noon yesterday," Amaro snapped at him.

"Oh wow. Is she okay?"

"You know damn well how she is considering you're the one that did all that to her!" Olivia barked. Lewis' face fell before his eyes narrowed in confusion and a soft laugh left him. "Wait is that old lady saying I raped her?" His laugh got more pronounced. "I told you she was crazy the first time."

Olivia began walking towards Amaro. "So you're saying she did all that to herself?"

"I know enough to stay away from her."

"So where were you yesterday then?" Amaro jumped in. "Not the halfway house."

"nah, I'm done with that place. Supposed to be all about recovery. All they do is steal tax payers money. There's no service, there's no security. The whole things a farce."

"Okay so where were you yesterday?"

Lewis rolled his eyes at the Detective's lack of caring. "Yeah, thanks for the sympathy."

"Sympathy?" Olivia chuckled as she looked at Amaro for a moment, hardly daring to believe he had actually said that. She walked back over and leaned in closer. "What you did to her you're lucky I didn't kick your teeth in," she hissed in a deadly whisper.

"What I did," he whispered as he turned to meet her gaze head on before he looked over her curves. "You should be so lucky someone does that to you."

"Hey!" Amaro barked as he pulled the table away from Lewis. "Shut the hell up or I'll take you out right here and wipe that stupid smile off your face!"

Amaro may have been mad at Olivia but NO ONE talked to her like that, especially not someone like Lewis who appeared more entertained with the threat then even remotely afraid.

Olivia put a gentle hand on his shoulder, her own smirk prevalent on her face. "It's okay, Nick," she told him, momentarily willing to forget their latest fight. "I wanna hear this."

Lewis' face fell as Olivia grabbed a chair and sat it down beside him. "I should be so lucky," she mused as she sat backwards in the chair and leaned closer to Lewis. "How? Tell me."

"Oh sure, Sweetheart," he said carelessly as he turned to look at her. "What do you wanna hear?"

"whatever you got," Olivia challenged as their eyes locked once more.

"You mean like how disturbing it would be to make a fine educated cultured woman like that disrobe? How humiliating it would be? How she might try to cover herself with her hands?"

"Go on," she challenged, not showing a single expression other then curiosity. "

"You wanna hear how I tied her to the bed," he said as his smirk reappeared. "Not to tight so I could watch her struggle?" Still she remained emotionless. "No, not your thing huh? Oh... what if I made her go down on her knees. Forced myself in her."

He looked over her face , still seeing nothing that would particularly disturb her. "Or maybe... you wanna hear about the pyrotechnics? How I put my cigarettes out on her?"

She couldn't help it. She knew it was what he was looking for but she couldn't help the cringe when he mentioned the fire. It disgusted her well beyond anything else he had done to her.

Lewis caught the change the moment he mentioned it and his smile widened and he felt a bulge in his jeans at the look of fear on her face. "Yeah, gotcha," he whispered more to himself then her. "How I branded her private parts with keys... and hot hangers..."

Amaro saw the disgust and the fear in her eyes as easily as if she had said it out loud. He had to stop this. "Okay I know you're getting off on this," he barked, "but ya know what? I wanna know how you got in that apartment."

"Nah, that's by the numbers," Lewis said carelessly before he turned back to Olivia with that same psychotic smile. "Men are from Mars, right, Detective? He wants the logistics, but you... you want the emotions."

Olivia swallowed hard as she forced a smile to her own face. "I do," she whispered softly as if this was exciting her. "So tell me more."

Amaro swallowed hard as he walked away from the table. He couldn't look at the look on his partners face another moment without breaking this guys neck...

"You wanna hear how she was alone with me all night. A 60 year old woman. She did things she never expected to do. She never... imagined were possible with her fingers... With her mouth..."

Olivia didn't even attempt to hide the fear or disgust now because she couldn't no matter how hard she tried.

Lewis' smile fell as he leaned in closer towards the brunette, his voice nothing higher then a soft whisper. "Or do you wanna hear how at the beginning she said she would do ANYTHING. She begged me for her life. By the morning time she was begging me to take her out of her misery. Which one do you think I enjoyed more?"

Olivia swallowed hard as Lewis leaned in a hair closer before a sharp knock jolted her out of her thoughts.

"Detectives?"

"Hey it's my lawyer!" Lewis announced with a grin as a young red head walked over to them. "I told them they weren't allowed to do this."

He turned back towards Olivia and gave her another smile. "It's all hypothetical."

"You know better, he's invoked."

Olivia faked a smile as she stood up. "Good."

She walked out of the room with Amaro and Cragen behind her. "Because I need a shower..." she muttered.

Cragen shut the door behind the three of them and walked up to Olivia. "You okay?" he asked gently.

Olivia shook her head as she let out a shaking breath. "I'm fine he just... he just got to me a little. I thought you were staying with Alice?"

"Amanda called, said they got him," Cragen told her. "But... this guy is psychotic..."

Cragen nodded. "If you wanna talk, you know where to find me."

Olivia nodded and with a soft smile Cragen walked away. When they were left alone once more Amaro cleared his throat and walked up to her. "I... I'm sorry about earlier. This case is just-."

"I know. You don't have to explain," Olivia said as she made her way to her locker. "It's getting to everybody."

Amaro glanced down at the floor as Olivia unlocked the thin metal cabinet and pulled out a spare change of clothes and a towel along with some travel sized totalities. After she shut the door and locked it again she turned towards him and gave him a weak smile. "Thanks for that by the way."

"For what?"

"For trying to distract him off from... Whatever the hell that was

Amaro gave her a soft smile. "You're welcome."

"It's just fire and branding and burns... I can't do it it's too personal," she admitted to him with a shudder. Seeing the curious look in his eyes she continued, "I was six and was involved in an apartment fire. To this day I still got a scar on my thigh from a burn and the idea of someone burning me or someone else terrifies me."

Amaro nodded in understanding. "I got it. But are you sure you're okay?"

"I'll be fine as soon as I get him washed off."

Amaro chuckled and nodded. "I gotcha. Want me to call Cassidy to see if he wants to join you?"

"You just don't know when to quit do you?"

Amaro saluted her again. "I apologize, Ma'am."

"Once again you're an ass."

She pushed by him again only this time she did it with a chuckle.

**A/N Okay PLEASE Don't think this is gonna turn into EO because it's NOT! In anyway. At all. In no way, shape, or form. Usually I don't give away plot points like this but I don't want my Bensidy fans thinking they just put in a lot of time and chapters into a story that will ultimately end up EO because that's NOT the case. The romantic partner for Olivia in this story is, was, and forever shall remain Cassidy (rather or not they're both okay to remain in a relationship is another story but she's not gonna hook up with Elliot if that happens) So please trust me when I say don't think it'll turn into EO and don't abandon it because of that. Have I ever let you down before?**

**Steps off soapbox* Please Review :-) **


	11. Chapter 11

I own no one but my own people

**A/N Wow! Like seriously in shock over how many people didn't flame me for not only bringing Elliot in but also making sure you know it's not an EO. Your support seriously means the world to me, you guys. Like not even joking around, it really does. I love that you guys trust me enough to continue reading this. Anyway, sorry for the long update wait but I was stuck HARD on this chapter. And when I mean stuck, I mean freaking wrote like 100 words and then would be like '...well what the hell do I write now?" for like HOURS before my finger touched a key again.**

**I hate when that happens BUT I promise not to let it happen again. I love you all. Please read, review, and enjoy. But mostly enjoy :-) And little shout out to 'Annie Atom'. I hope you feel better :-)**

Amanda had never had to make, return, and receive as many calls as she did that day. From the squad demanding every five minutes as to how Olivia was, Elliot calling her up every six minutes to ask if she was still okay, to Brian's mother, who she had finally found via Olivia's phone contacts after a long phone tag between her and Amaro, calling every minute or so to tell Amanda she was on her way and to tell Brian to hold on.

An hour had passed and Amanda had just gotten off the phone with Fin and Cragen who told her they had no information on where Lewis was hiding and Olivia telling them they had given no further evidence when someone call but crashed through the ER doors and stormed up to nurses station.

"I'm Elliot Stabler, Olivia Benson's emergency contact; how is she?"

Amanda swallowed hard as she got up from her waiting room chair to approach him.

"I'm not sure but I need-."

"So go find out." He waited a moment as the nurse stood there, stunned for a moment at the demands of the random man. "Go. Now!"

He barked the last word at the innocent nurse and slammed his hand down on the desk, frightening the nurse who jumped back and hurried off to find information on Olivia.

Amanda took a deep breath as she cleared her throat. "Mr. Stabler?"

Elliot turned towards her and raised his brow as Amanda almost cowered under his intense gaze. "I'm Detective Rollins, I'm-."

"Are you her partner?" he interrupted bluntly.

"Um, no, that would be Detective Amaro. He's at her apartment right now."

"Why isn't he here?"

"Well... I mean Captain Cragen ordered him to stay."

"Call him. Tell him to get his ass here now. I wanna know why the hell he wasn't looking out for her."

Amanda felt a stab of annoyance. "He did."

Elliot scoffed in disbelief and crossed his arms in front of his well built chest, narrowing his eyes in fury at the blonde. "He's her partner and he let her get attacked. In my book that's not having her back."

"He didn't intentionally let anything happen to her," said Amanda with an edge in her voice. "There was no threat, there was no indication that he was gonna attack her. Yeah he had a hard on for her but that's about seventy five percent of the perps."

"It doesn't matter. He's her partner and he let her get raped." Elliot shook his head and began to pace the hospital floor. "I knew something bad was gonna happen if I left. I knew she couldn't handle herself without me."

"She can handle herself just fine." Amanda was trying to hold back her anger but the more Elliot spoke, the more annoyed she got. How the hell did Olivia put up with him all these years?

"This is the second time someone has gotten the better of her and both times I wasn't there. Do you see the underlying factor or am I going to have to break it down even further for you?"

Amanda scoffed in disbelief. "How the hell did she put up with you for twelve years?"

"I rarely said or did that much stupid shit and she returned the favor."

"Well right now you're being a dick."

"Yeah well, I'm kind of having a bad day here."

"That's my friend in there too so don't act like you have the corner market on bad feelings right now!"

"I was best friends and partners with her for twelve years, you've known her for two... Sorry, doesn't compare."

Sometime during the argument, the nurse he had scared earlier had returned. "Mr. Sta- Stabler?" she stammered.

Both Amanda and Elliot turned towards the nurse who swallowed hard before she spoke. "Ms. Benson-."

"She's a Detective, get it straight," Elliot barked at the older woman.

Amanda glared at the man standing beside her but ultimately kept her mouth shut because he actually happened to be right.

Fear shone in her dark green eyes. "Sorry," the nurse told him with a slight mutter, "the Doctors say operations are gonna be a little while longer. She had a lot of internal bleeding not to mention the 2nd degree burns over her body and the physical abuse she suffered..."

"But she'll survive this?" asked Elliot with a touch of fear in his tone that the nurse would tell him anything but yes, something that didn't go unseen by Amanda.

"As of now yes," the nurse told him much to Amanda and Elliot's relaxation. "Her major issues when she arrived was shock and blood loss. We got both mostly under control so really the only thing left to do is treat the less serious injuries. Burns, sprained wrist, twisted ankle... Those sort of things. She should be awake within two or three hours."

Elliot breathed a sigh of relief and Amanda was shocked at the smile that graced Olivia's old partners face but disappeared as soon as she could confirm Elliot Stabler was actually smiling.

"Thank you," Amanda said with a soft smile. "Has anyone given her a rape kit?"

The nurse nodded. "The surgeon wanted to concentrate on the internal bleeding before we began it but they did do the exam afterwards."

While Amanda thought a 'thank you' was necessary due to the fact the Doctors had actually given enough thought to do a rape kit without being ordered but Elliot threw a glare at the messenger. "But it's all been compromised because of your doctors screwing around down there," he snapped.

"They saved her and we got more then enough evidence," Amanda countered. "They thought enough to do it without someone asking them too, they deserve a thank you."

"They can't do two things at once?"

Amanda rolled her eyes at his obnoxious behavior before she turned back towards the nurse who shifted nervously in her spot. "Do you know anything about the man who was brought in right after her? Brian Cassidy?"

Elliot narrowed his eyes in confusion but remained silent as the nurse shook her head. "I'm not sure but I can find out."

Amanda gave her a brief smile. "That would be very helpful, thank you."

The nurse returned the grin before she turned and walked away."

"Brian Cassidy?" muttered Elliot when the nurse had left. "Who's that? Is he the guy that did it?"

Amanda cast a glance at him. "You... you don't remember him?"

"No. Why?"

"You worked with him...? Fourteen years ago...? They had a one night stand...?"

Realization dawned on his face and his jaw dropped. "Brian Cassidy? THAT Brian Cassidy?"

Amanda nodded and Elliot's brow furrowed in confusion "What the hell does he have to do with anything involving Olivia's attack?"

"They've been dating since September. He was at her apartment when we found her, his head was completely bashed in."

Elliot narrowed his eyes in what could have been anger or confusion and crossed his arms once more. "She's dating?"

"Yeah." Amanda shrugged. "They seem pretty happy together."

"She couldn't stand Cassidy when they slept together. What the hell changed?"

"I don't know but they're happy together."

He scoffed in disbelief earning another glare from Amanda. "I doubt that."

"They love each other."

Elliot's face fell more and Amanda narrowed her eyes in confusion. "She's in a healthy relationship. I thought you'd be happy for her."

Elliot shook his head and began to pace again. "You don't get it."

"Get what?" Amanda snapped.

"She's my... she was my partner."

"And now she's Brian Cassidy's girlfriend."

Elliot rolled her eyes once more. "Goddamn Redneck idiots," he muttered just loud enough for Amanda to hear.

"I'm sorry?" Amanda snapped with a fire in her eyes.

"Look, you just don't get it," Elliot challenged.

Amanda opened her mouth to argue with him when the nurse returned, this time with a man in surgical scrubs looking forlorn. Both Amanda and Elliot turned towards the pair of medical professionals and their faces fell when they saw them. "What?" Amanda demanded. "What happened? Is Brian okay?"

"My name's Dr. Payton, I'm the lead neurosurgeon on Mr. Cassidy," the Doctor introduced himself. "I thought it would be best if you heard the news from me."

"Why? What news, what's wrong?" demanded Amanda, suddenly nervous about the next words that was going to leave the Doctors mouth. "Is Brian okay?"

"He suffered a lot of head trauma in the attack and his brain swelled to a dangerous magnitude We're trying to relieve the swelling but so far no luck."

Amanda's face fell and she felt tears prick at her eyes. "So... so that means that.. that Brian... he's in a coma?"

"We're doing everything we can to try to reduce the swelling in his brain," Payton repeated gently. "But even if we do and he does wake up, which again at this point it's completely up in the air, there's no telling what kind of neurological damage he suffered. He could be perfectly fine, he could by physically damaged, he may be neurologically damaged... we're just not sure at this point."

"So you're failing at getting the swelling down and you're not sure what kind of lasting repercussions this might have... you're just not sure of anything at the moment are you?" Elliot snapped. This time Amanda didn't argue.

"I'm sorry," he told them with as much honesty as he could show. "I'll come out later after we're done with surgery and let you know how it went."

"Okay that rape victim who also came in? That's his girlfriend," Amanda explained. "When she wakes up, you can't tell her what happened to him. She's got enough to deal with already without that. Just tell her he's fine but she can't see him until you get a definite answer."

"She's not my patient."

"Then pass it along to whatever doctor's patient she is," Elliot told him while leaving no room for argument. "She doesn't get told he's in a coma, do you understand?"

The surgeon bit his lip to keep from arguing and instead simply gave a curt nod and walked away with the nurse in tow and both Amanda and Elliot staring after them

**6 Days Earlier**

Olivia saw visions of flames as tall as buildings burning hotter then anything, man made or otherwise, anyone had ever felt surrounding her while she screamed for help that went unanswered.

Olivia spun around frantically, trying to find some exit from the towering inferno but there was no escape and ever so slowly, a face appeared in the hellish vision. William Lewis' face, and he was smiling that sadistic cruel grin at her that made her scream even louder. Slowly the Lewis flames moved in closer and closer until they finally engulfed her entirely and the fire licked every single inch of her now blackened and charred skin...

Olivia awoke with a scream that would have woken the dead. She thrashed wildly as she struggled to untangle herself from her sheets and blanket and fell out of bed, slamming her knee against her bedside drawer for her troubles.

She quickly stood up from the floor, panting and gasping for breath, her entire body trembling and soaked with a cold sweat. She at once felt her skin for any burns or scars but found nothing except the one scar on her upper thigh she was more then used to by now.

Once she was sure that her body hadn't been burnt in the hellish flames her mind had crated she sat down on the bed and wrapped a slightly damp blanket around herself as tears slowly made their way down her face. After she had calmed down some she glanced at her clock and winced. It was only four thirty. She had been asleep for an hour and a half after she had gotten home.

She normally would have slept at the crib if she was allowed less then five hours of sleep per night, as she was in this case, but the thought of sleeping under the same roof as Lewis disgusted her.

The moment her head hit the pillow she was out like a light. But to her dismay her dreams had other plans then a good nights rest.

After her heart had stopped pounding against her chest and she could actually breathe again Olivia slowly stood up and made her way to the bathroom. She splashed some cold water on her face and took several deep breaths as she leaned against the sink. She glanced up at her reflection in the mirror and took a deep breath as she ran a hand through her hair now matted with sweat and the abuse of a long days work.

Olivia took another deep breath as she reached in her medicine cabinet and reached for her bottle of sleeping pills but stopped when her fingers grazed the tiny orange bottle.

Back when she was seeing her psychiatrist for what had happened at Sealview she had given her a prescription for it with 10 refill orders for twenty five pills apiece.

Olivia was on her sixth refill since 2008.

She rarely took them and when she did, it was no more then half a pill or a whole one if it was a serious enough case and she never needed more then one pill for a single case but this guy had gotten to her bad and she hated that.

She didn't want to take the pill. She already had the nightmare and if she took it now she knew she would just end up feeling grouch and sluggish the whole next day because she had to get up in an hour and a half and fight against the effects of the sleeping pills.

With a groan Olivia took her hand away from her sleeping pills and instead chose the over the counter Tylenol for the headache that she knew she'd be having later.

Shew washed it down with a quick cup of water before she headed out into the kitchen and flipped the lights on and immediately headed over to the coffee pot.

After she put in the heavenly smelling grounds and the water into the machine she wasn't able to understand how they functioned in life without, she sat at the table and picked up several brochures she had been looking at several nights before.

Calvin was going to be spending two weeks with her this summer and it would be his first time meeting Brian. She wanted to make it perfect for both of them.

She just had no idea what they were gonna do.

Olivia only got to see him a handful of times each year She would have loved to see more of him and viceaversa but she and Calvin both had to twist their arms and beg and plead for that short amount. But one of the bigger problems was she had no idea what he was into now.

Brian had suggested paint balling and laser tag but that was only two days out of fourteen and she wanted to make every day she had with him a memory so she had reserved a campsite upstate next to a beach for three days, gotten them tickets to the largest outdoor water park in New York, and got them signed up for paint balling and laser tag but other then that she was completely lost.

Olivia searched over the different brochures she had collected from various places for a few more minutes before she came to the same conclusion she came to every time Calvin came up to visit.

She would tell him their options and let him choose.

The detective threw them down with a groan and got back up to pour herself a cup of coffee before she sat back down again.

She slowly sipped on the liquid inside the cup as she read over the brochures again and by the time she was done with her second cup it was finally time for her to start getting ready.

As she set all the brochures down on the table she couldn't help but smile. Even if she didn't have every detail down to the firmest extent and she only got him for two weeks, she knew this was going to be the best summer she was ever gonna have.

**I know this chapter was like wicked slow and I was slow to update and I'm sorry but I PROMISE next chapter will be done a lot quicker and will have a lot more oomph. Please Review :-)**


	12. Chapter 12

I own no one but my own people

It had been an hour since Elliot had left to call his wife leaving Amanda to sit and wait for news on Olivia. Her phone had finally gone silent except the occasional text from Amaro asking for an update on his partners condition. After about the fifteenth text in half an hour Amanda promised him that if she had any word whatsoever on Olivia's condition he would be the first to know.

Amanda tried busying herself with magazines and Angry Birds but her mind kept drifting to seeing Olivia burnt, bloody, and beaten tied to her bed and Cassidy with his head bashed in and bleeding all over her floor. How could anyone be that evil? Who would abuse and hurt someone as good as Olivia that bad? It was inhuman...

Amanda felt tears well in her eyes as she thought of what was to come for her friend. Not even thinking about the physical aspect, the doctor assured them she would heal eventually, forever scarred from the cigarettes and brands but she would survive.

But what he had put her through would ruin her emotionally. Olivia was strong but Amanda had no idea how the hell she was going to pull through this.

"Here. Thought you might need this."

Amanda jerked out of her thoughts and glanced up at the person who owned the voice. It was Elliot and he was holding out a paper cut full of coffee and several packs of creme and sugar to her. Amanda eyed him curiously as she looked between him and the coffee. "Have I been gone that long that cops don't like coffee anymore?" he asked, a small attempt at a joke.

Amanda shook her head and took the coffee and the creamers and sugar from him. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," he said as he sat down beside her with a soft sigh and ran his hand over his face. A

Amanda glanced over at him as he leaned back in the chair. She swallowed hard and nodded towards his hand where his wedding ring was proudly displayed. "So how long you been married?"

"Thirty five years next month," Elliot answered.

Amanda let out a low whistle "Congratulations. That's quite a feet for our line of work."

Elliot chuckled softly as he took a sip of his own coffee. He swallowed it hard before he shrugged. "Twenty in SVU, eleven in uniform, four in the marines," he explained. "We've had our problems and she's put up with a lot but we're still going strong so we must be doing something right."

Amanda nodded and raised her glass to him. "Well anyways congratulations. Olivia said you had kids?"

Elliot eyed her carefully and she almost wanted to shrink under his gaze. "Liv talked about me?" he asked curiously.

"It used to be almost every day but eventually she just stopped even mentioning you."

Elliot swallowed hard as he turned back to his coffee and took another sip and they were launched into an uncomfortable silence that lasted for several minutes before he spoke again. "She still seeing Calvin?"

Knowing the subject had been changed off of him Amanda nodded. "Yeah. He's actually supposed to be visiting her this summer."

Elliot shook his head and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Why the hell would she keep torturing herself like that? She should have handed him off to child services the second he was dropped off at her apartment instead of playing mom."

Amanda narrowed her eyes, trying to hide the anger she felt with him. Olivia had never given him the full story but all she knew was Olivia's eyes lit up when she talked about Calvin the same Nick's eyes lit up when he talked about his children. "I can't believe you. I thought you were her friend," she snapped.

"He isn't hers and she was setting herself up for heartache when she took him in."

Amanda shook her head and Elliot narrowed his eyes at the blonde sitting beside him. "You weren't there when he was literally ripped from her kicking and screaming and she started sobbing in the precinct afterwards. I was and I had to see her suffer because that bitch blamed her for everything so she decided to take Calvin away just to get back at her for something she didn't do. The fact that she's putting herself through hell when she has to give him back to his grandparents isn't worth it for a few weeks a year of her being happy."

"She loves him."

"She shouldn't have gotten attached."

Amanda shook her head in disgust. "You know you-!"

"Detective Rollins?"

Elliot and Amanda turned towards the voice and saw the Doctor who had come out and told them the news earlier. The pair got up and made their way over to the Doctor. "No change in Brian's status but Olivia's set up in the ICU, one person's allowed to visit at a time but only for short increments. She's been through a lot and we don't wanna overwhelm her."

"I'll go," said Elliot before Amanda could even open her mouth. "Someone's gotta be out here to explain what happened to Cassidy if his mom shows up," he reminded Amanda. "When I'm done, I'll come out and sit and see if she comes. Call Cragen, Fin, Munch, and... and her partner and update them on what's going on."

Normally Amanda never would have left something like this to someone she didn't necessary trust but Elliot hadn't been a first grade Detective in SVU for nothing.

Reluctantly Amanda nodded and sat back down in the chair she had called her spot for the past two hours. "I'll take you to her," the Doctor told Elliot before the two males headed off down the hall.

The retired cop's palms began to sweat, his heart pounded unbelievably hard against his chest as the doctor stopped outside a room just outside the nurses station.

Elliot swallowed hard as the doctor opened the door and motioned for him to come inside. Swallowing hard he walked inside the small room, gasping as his eyes fell on an unconscious Olivia.

Elliot had tried to prepare himself earlier but what he saw, he never expected

Her face was covered in bruises and cuts and several small cigarette burns littered the side of her neck and up behind her ear, exactly the same place someone would kiss and nuzzle while in bed together. Her arms, the only thing not covered by a hospital gown or blanket was littered in bruises with a brace on her left wrist and her right had a bright red line encased around her wrist that looked like severe rope burn.

Elliot swallowed hard as he walked over to her slowly, the heart monitor beeping in a steady rhythm. He sat down in the overstuffed chair next to her bed and looked down at her face as tears gathered in his eyes. The doctor put on a fresh pair of gloves and injected a clear liquid into her IV.

Within moments a soft moan escaped her lips and her eyes fluttered open. "Brian," Olivia moaned softly. "Brian. Bri. Bri..."

Elliot leaned forward and grabbed a hold of the metal rail. "Olivia," he spoke gently. "Liv, can you hear me?"

"Brian," she groaned again.

"Liv, its me. It's Elliot."

Olivia blinked her eyes open and glanced over to Elliot and narrowed her eyes in confusion. "El?" she spoke softly. "Wha... what are you doing here?"

"They called me. I'm still your emergency contact," he explained. "How you doing?"

Olivia shook her head as she leaned away from him. "Whe- where am I?"

"The hospital," he explained. "Fin and Rollins found you."

Olivia's eyes went wide and tears filled them. "Aman- Amanda saw me?"

Elliot nodded. "Yeah. She's outside waiting right now."

Olivia let out a sob as she covered her mouth with her hand. "No no no no! She wasn't supposed to know that happened!"

Elliot swallowed hard as he watched tears leak down her face. "Liv, it's fine."

"No it's not," said Olivia as she wiped away her tears just to have more appear. "It's not okay."

"Liv-."

"Where's Brian?" she demanded, caring less about interrupting him.

Elliot bit his lip and hesitated for a long moment before he answered. "He's doing fine," he lied. "He's still in surgery but Doctors said he'll be fine."

That one bit of news soothed and calmed Olivia more then she ever thought possible. She wiped more of her tears away before she cleared her throat. "Where's Nick?"

"I don't know."

"I want him."

Elliot swallowed hard as he looked down at Olivia "Liv, I'm here."

"I need to see Nick," she told him as she wiped away her tears.

"Olivia-."

"I'm not fighting with you right now," she snapped. "I don't care about you right now. In fact the only things I DO care about is that Brian Cassidy, the fact that the woman who looks up to me will never see me as anything more then a rape victim, and seeing my partner."

"I am your partner," he argued.

"Not anymore. You left. I changed my emergency contact and if Brian wasn't attacked then you wouldn't have even known. I don't wanna see you, I don't wanna talk to you, I just want to see Nick."

"You're tired and angry and not yourself right now, Liv," Elliot told her. "Just let me talk to you."

"I don't wanna talk to you, I wanna talk to Nick. Tell Amanda to call him and get him here now."

Elliot swallowed hard as he stood up from the chair. "You're not yourself right now," he told her softly. "I'll be here when you get back."

Without another word Elliot turned and left, shutting the door behind him.

**Six Days Earlier**

Deciding that any more sleep was easily out of the question, Olivia showered and readied herself for work. She was there nearly an hour early and was more then surprised when she saw Amaro sitting at his desk.

"Couldn't sleep?" asked Olivia as she approached their desks.

Amaro shook his head. "That interrogation just got to me last night. I couldn't close my eyes without seeing what he was doing to her."

"Welcome to SVU," she said with a sad chuckle before she sat down. "Any luck with finding information on Lewis?"

"Nothing," Amaro groaned as he ran his hands over his face. "But I talked to Cragen last night who assured me that she was ready and willing to go through with the lineup."

"She's a tough woman. She has to be to survive what he put her through," Olivia muttered as she turned on her computer and waited for it to boot up. She glanced around the room and noticed two distinct people absent. "Where's Fin and Amanda?"

"On their way to the holding cell to collect Lewis," Amaro informed her. "They only have a female CO available to transfer and she said she doesn't feel comfortable."

"CO's are all lazy and incompetent," Olivia told Amaro as she logged on. "She didn't wanna do it because she was afraid she might actually have to get off her ass and do some work."

Amaro narrowed his brow in confusion. "What is it with you and hating on CO's? This isn't the first time you bad mouthed them."

"Long story," she told him without glancing away from her computer screen.

"I got time."

"Yeah but I don't. No new Emails from anyone about Lewis but one email telling me I can enlarge my penis for only four easy payments of 9.99."

"Better then a pill I can take that'll stop me from getting ED if I had it. I mean not like I need it but maybe I should just turn my spam filter on like Amanda does." Amaro asked with a slight laugh.

Olivia looked over at him and furrowed her brow in confusion. "Rollins has her spam filter on?"

"Yeah. Why what's the big deal?"

"The big deal," Olivia groaned in annoyance. "Is that we work sex crimes. We have words like penis or ejaculate or climax or orgasm or whatever filtered out, you're gonna miss a lot of critical emails from other cops, victims, lawyers, the ME... I don't even wanna think about how many reports or statements she has in her spam in box."

"Want me to talk to her?"

"No I will. It's a common mistake, a simple button click will fix it, no use giving her shit about it," Olivia said with a shrug "Plus if a email was that important it would have been forwarded somewhere else."

Amaro nodded in agreement as they settled into a comfortable silence that was only broken by the ding of the elevators.

Both Olivia and Amaro turned towards the elevators and saw Alice Parker walk out of the metal lift with a cane. Both got up at once and hurried over to assist her. "Am I late for the lineup?" she asked as she glanced around the nearly abandoned precinct.

"No, you're actually early," Olivia said with a soft smile. "But that's good, it shows the prosecutor how willing you are."

Alice managed a feeble smile. "I've always been an early bird. Even when I was younger all my girlfriends at sleepovers would sleep until eleven a clock, noon and I'd be having coffee with their parents at six." Alice offered another attempt at a grin before she turned towards Cragen's office. "Is- is Don here?"

"Not at the moment but he should be coming in fairly soon," Amaro told the older woman. " He's actually quite the early bird as well. Do you wanna take a seat?"

"I'm good, thank you," Alice told him as she gestured towards the cane. "It's hard for me to get back up once I've sat down."

Amaro gave her a soft smile. "I understand. Do you want some coffee or something?"

"Black with two sugars if you wouldn't mind."

"Of course," Olivia told her with a smile as she got up from her chair. Just as she began to pour the coffee the elevator dinged again and Cragen walked in and his eyes instantly fell on Alice.

"Ms. Parker, hello. Have you been waiting here long?" asked Cragen as he walked up to her.

"Not long," Alice told him with a soft grin.

Cragen cleared his throat and nodded towards is office. "Do you... do you wanna wait in my office while we wait for the line up?"

Alice gave him another smile. "Sure."

Cragen led her into his office and shut the office door behind them with Amaro and Olivia staring after the closed door.

"He has it for her BAD," Amaro chuckled as he made his way back to his computer.

"And vice versa," Olivia said with a smirk as she poured herself and Amaro a cup of coffee. She made her way back to their desk when the elevator dinged again and Fin and Amanda came storming in with storm clouds in their eyes.

Olivia furrowed her brow at the two of them. "What happened? Where's Lewis?"

"Damn bastard prick bastard asshole!" Amanda barked as she stormed towards the break room. Olivia and Amaro eyed one another before they turned towards Fin who slumped down in his chair.

"So... hows it going?" Amaro asked as she looked between Fin and Olivia.

"Lewis was getting ready for transport and he choked himself with the damn daisy chain!" Fin snapped. "They had to taze him to get him to stop!"

"What?" Olivia yelled as she stood up from her chair. "Are you kidding me right now?"

"I wish I was. Lewis is now on suicide watch at Bellevue," Fin finished with a sigh and slumped off towards the break room. "I gotta go make sure Amanda doesn't throw the fridge off the balcony."

Fin went up the stairs and Olivia shook her head in disgust. "This... this is just... UGH!" She stood up from her chair and paced back and forth shaking her head. "This guy is... GOD! How the hell did he pull that off! He's not suicidal, he's cheating the system!"

Amaro stood up as well and walked over to Olivia and took her by the shoulders. "Liv, Liv, calm down okay? Look I'll go get Cragen, Fin will go calm Amanda down, you talk to Alice."

Olivia shook her head in disgust. "This... this is just..." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Fine. Fine, you get Cragen and tell him about the predicament."

Amaro nodded and headed into Cragen's office while Olivia finished making coffee for Alice. Moments later Amaro and Cragen left his office and Olivia took a deep breath as she took the coffee for Alice and walked into the office.

Alice glanced up at Olivia and smiled at her. "Is everything okay?"

Olivia sighed as she walked to the couch and sat down beside her. "No, actually, it's not."

Alice's face fell. "Is everything alright? When's the lineup gonna happen?"

"Its... it's actually not going to happen. Lewis... he pretended to be suicidal and they took him to belleview."

Alice's face fell as she swallowed hard. "He... he's suicidal?"

"No. No he's just trying to skate the court system on this but I promise that we're gonna get this guy for everything he did to you."

Alice felt tears welling in her eyes that she quickly wiped away. "But... but I mean if the courts think he was psychotic when he did it and he wasn't responsible for his actions-"

Olivia shook her head. "Alice, that is not going to happen. I will make sure he does. This guy is just trying to delay the proceedings a little bit but your lawyer is the best one I have ever met and he will put this psycho behind bars okay? But for now go get some rest and I promise you to contact you the moment I hear anything okay?"

Alice offered a sad smile and nodded before she and Olivia stood up. The older woman began walking out of the room before she turned back to Olivia. "Can... can you tell Captain Cragen I said goodbye?" Alice paused for a moment before she laughed, the sound marred with tears. "I know it isn't right, especially after what's just happened, but do you think it would be too much to ask him to... maybe call me? On an un case related note perhaps?"

Olivia let out a soft laugh and a soft grin. "Of course. And everyone heals in their own way and honestly if I was thirteen years older and he wasn't my boss and hadn't been my boss for the past fifteen years." Olivia clicked her tongue and winked at the older woman, already trying not to grimace at the mere thought of speaking her next words, "I'd take a run at him."

Alice chuckled and gave the Detective a polite nod and walked out of the office and shutting the door behind her.

Please Review :-) And I have an eye exam today so please fill up my in box with reviews so I have something encouraging to read before I get to hear 'well, your eye sight is getting much worse then last time, nothing we can do for you except shoot this sharp puff of air into your eyes for the hell of it and charge you 150 for an exam and 100 for contacts.'


	13. Chapter 13

I own no one but my own people.

Elliot stormed back towards the waiting room, fully preparing to demand Amaro's number from her. He was angrier with Olivia then he had been in a long time. Even knowing she was under the worst stress she had ever been put through and had gone through the most traumatic experience of her life.

He had been her best friend and partner for 12 years. How the hell could she turn him away like that? He honestly thought she would have embraced him with open arms, not tore him a new one while demanding to see her new partner...

Elliot rounded the corner and opened his mouth to bark at Amanda to give him Amaro's number when his eyes landed on the sight in front of him.

Amanda was embracing an older woman who appeared to be crying on the blonde's shoulder while the younger blonde gently stroked her hair and fighting back her own tears while a Doctor stood by patiently waiting.

_Must be Cassidy's mother_ Elliot thought to himself as he forced himself to hide his anger as he stood in the room silently with his hands clasped in front of his chest. Amanda saw him out of the corner of her vision and pulled away from the woman, spoke a few final words with her with a sad smile on her face and the Doctor stepped in and said something before he led her down the opposite wing.

Once the older woman was safely out of ear shot Elliot walked over to Amanda. "Cassidy's mother?"

Amanda nodded, sniffing away tears as she did. "Joanne Cassidy. Doctors are trying to get the swelling down but so far no luck. They're not sure if he'll wake up again and if he does wake up what kind of condition he'll be in."

"He's dating Olivia, he's got a lot to live for. Don't worry, he'll snap out of it."

Amanda sighed as she ran a hand through her disheveled hair. "God I hope you're right. I don't want to imagine Olivia having to go through losing her boyfriend on top of everything else. How is she by the way?"

"I don't know, I wasn't in there long enough to get a proper read." Elliot shrugged.

"Gotcha. I'm gonna go see her."

Amanda went to walk past him but Elliot held out his hands to stop her. "I don't think that's a good idea."

Amanda narrowed here eyes and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "And why not?"

"Because the moment I mentioned your name, she started crying, saying you weren't supposed to see her like that, saying how you'll only see her as a rape victim instead of a mentor... I know you wanna see her but I really don't think it'll be a good idea."

Amanda's face fell as Elliot's words washed over her. How could she think she would look down on her for what had happened? It wasn't her fault over what had happened, Lewis was a total and complete psychopath, had tortured her for hours and she had survived it. How could she think that Amanda would only see her as a victim or think what had happened would lesser her opinion of her brunette mentor?

If anything the fact she survived this made Olivia more of a hero in Amanda's eyes...

But if Olivia wasn't ready for Amanda to see her, then she would respect her wishes.

"Okay," Amanda told him, "She has to talk to someone though, did she want anyone in particular?"

"She demanded to see her... current partner. She probably wants to chew his ass out for not protecting her and honestly I can't say I blame her."

Amanda rolled her eyes at Elliot's words. "There's nothing to blame."

"Oh okay," he said dryly. "Why the hell wasn't there a protective detail on her?"

"Lewis acted no different then any other perp. Yeah it was obvious he had a hard on for her but he made no threats, there was nothing linking him to attacking Olivia, and there was no reason for any of us to be worried."

"I think it's obvious you had plenty to worry about and this went way beyond him just having a hard on for her," Elliot snapped. "He raped her and no one did anything!"

Amanda had far more then enough. She wasn't going to sit her and listen to this ass bad mouth their squad, even if he, at one time, was a member of it. He was judging things he had no right to judge and judging wrong for that matter.

She wanted to scream and yell and shout that Elliot had never once saved Olivia. The one time he did she was in no real danger and if it had gone the way it appeared to, Olivia would have been electrocuted.

But she didn't, and the only reason for that was because her phone began ringing. Throwing a look of agitation to the highest degree at the man standing in front of her, Amanda pulled her from from her front pocket and answered it with a surly 'what?'

"It's me," Amaro told her. "How she doing?"

"I haven't seen her yet but she's awake and-."

"She's awake?"

"Yeah, she woke up about ten minutes ago."

"I'll be right there."

The next sound she heard with a tiny beep telling her that Amaro had hung up the phone. Amanda put her cell back in her pocket and saw Elliot looking at her with expectancy. "So? What's going on, who was that?"

"Amaro. He's on his way right now."

"Good, I can give the sorry son of a bitch a piece of my mind," Elliot muttered before he stormed off. Amanda wanted to follow him but she had to stay close by in case there was any news on either Olivia or Brian. So instead of creating a scene she walked back over to her chair and sat down and sulked, wondering how in the hell Olivia survived him for twelve years.

Fifteen minutes later Elliot had returned and they both sat in an awkward silence until Amanda heard running footsteps and a very familiar voice asking what room Olivia was in.

Both Amanda and Elliot looked up and spotted Amaro at the nurses station. "Nick, over here," Amanda called out, making both Amaro and Elliot look towards her.

He hurried over to the group who quickly stood up. "Is she still awake?" he asked, panic in his voice that he had missed her.

"I don't know, I haven't been into see her yet but no one's come out to tell me anything."

Amaro nodded. "Brian? How's he doing?"

Amanda glanced down at the floor for a moment before she returned her gaze back to Amaro."He's... he's in a come at the moment, his mother's in with him."

"Jesus Christ," Amaro muttered. "Does Liv know?"

"We're telling him he's still in surgery," she explained. "But we can't tell her right now, it'll be too much for her."

"What if she asks to see him?"

"I doubt it she only wants to see you," Amanda told him.

Before Amaro could respond Elliot spoke. "You're her partner?"

Amaro turned towards Elliot and looked him over briefly. He was taller and more built then him and looked far more imposing then Amaro but he could stand his ground just as easily. "Yeah. Why, who are you?"

"I'm her old partner." Elliot told him.

A stroke of realization hit the younger male. "You're Elliot Stabler?" Amaro stuck out his hand. "It's an honor to meet you, Olivia talked about you all the time."

"Wish I could say the same."

Amaro furrowed his brow. "What the hell does that mean?"

"It means you were supposed to watch out for her and you let her get raped."

Amaro took a step closer to him. "You're saying this is my fault?"

"You catch on real quick."

Amaro narrowed his eyes at the older man. "None of this was my fault! There was nothing saying he was gonna go after her!"

"Well clearly he did and it was your fault! You're her partner, you're supposed to have her back! Not leave her to fend for yourself!"

"I did look after her!"

"Not from where I'm standing!" Elliot shouted. "You let her be raped and tortured and put through hell because you could care less about her! This is your fault, Amaro! It's your fault she was raped!"

Amaro glared at Elliot. "Go to hell," he spat before he turned back towards the nurses station.

He demanded Olivia's room number and the second he was given it he stormed off down the hall. Amaro came to a stop right outside the door and he leaned against the wall, fighting back tears.

He knew Elliot was right. He was right there outside her apartment. He was right there, he should have realized something was wrong or he should have called her or gone home with her or something.

This was all his fault and if Olivia was looking for him and him alone, then obviously she felt the same way. She blamed him for her torture, and she was right too.

Amaro wiped his tears, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

Olivia glanced over at Amaro and swallowed hard. "Hey," she greeted softly.

"Hey," he told her just as gently as he shut the door behind him. "I um... I met your old partner. He seems like a little bit of a hot head."

"Yeah that's Elliot," she said with a lifeless chuckle. "He tell you I wanted to talk to you?"

Amaro swallowed hard and nodded. "He did. Look, Liv, I-."

"I'm sorry," she told her in a soft whisper.

Amaro stopped dead in his sentence as Amaro processed Olivia's words. He opened and shut his mouth several times, trying to find something to say to her but instead all he could manage was, "what?"

Olivia sniffed and wiped her tears away. "For earlier. I didn't mean anything I said to you, I love Gil and I adore Cynthia and you're an amazing father, and I- I didn't mean-!"

"Wait..." he interrupted, still attempting to process her words. "Are you talking about what you said to me?"

"I couldn't stand what I said but he told me if I didn't he would take you in my place and I couldn't let you go through that!"

Amaro hurried over to her and sat down next to her bedside. "Olivia, I don't care what you told me, I should have known that you never meant those things," he told her, pleading and begging for her to believe him as obvious as he could make it. "I should have realized you were in trouble, I should have gone in and done something. This is all my fault."

She shook her head, "no it's not, it's mine, I should have fought harder and I never should have let him do what he did to me."

Amaro shook his head. "None of this is your fault. You didn't do anything."

"Exactly. I didn't do anything. He... he grabbed me I tried fighting but he had a gun and then..." More tears fell down her face and she took a shuddering breath. "And then he- he showed me Brian and he was covered in- in blood an- and I thought he was de- dead and I ju-... I just froze and let him throw me on the bed and... And... and then... "

"Liv it's okay. You don't have to tell anyone what happened yet."

She didn't seem to hear him so he reached for her hand to comfort her.

"Don't touch me!" screamed Olivia as she yanked her hand away.

Amaro held his hands up to show that he wasn't gonna touch her again.

Olivia shook her head as tears streamed down her face as she ran a hand through her hair. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize for anything," he told her. "I didn't mean to scare you like that."

She merely nodded and wiped away her tears only to have more replace them. "Um, ca- can you go see if Brian's doing okay? Elliot told me he's in surgery."

Amaro bit his tongue to keep from telling her the truth and nodded. "Sure. Want me to go right now?"

"If you wouldn't mind. I just- I gotta know how he's doing."

Amaro offered her a gentle smile. "I gotcha. Anything else?"

Olivia gave a silent shake of her head and settled back into bed.

Amaro stood up and gave her a soft grin before he walked out of the room.

**Five Days Earlier **

"I'm sorry I gotta work tonight."

"It's fine," said Olivia as she set her plate on the coffee table along with her drink. "I gotta get up early tomorrow anyway so I'm just gonna eat a late dinner and head to bed."

"Court for the psychopath?"

"Yeah," Olivia sighed as she sat on the couch. "He faked a suicide so he got out of a lineup and now he's in a mental institution and a hell of a lot more comfortable then Alice Parker is at her apartment."

"She's still sleeping where she was attacked? That's... odd."

"Yeah but her and Cragen decided that it would be good for her that if she was determined to stay in her apartment that he wold stay with her."

"Cragen has a date?"

"Yup," Olivia said with a smirk. "My Captain is getting it on."

"Rock on, Cragen," Brian said with a laugh. "The old man's still got it."

Olivia chuckled as she grabbed the plate full of chicken and rice and set it on her lap. "He's finally getting someone, it's adorable."

"Not as cute as you are though."

Olivia smiled as she took a small bite of chicken. "Aww, thank you. You're cute as well."

"Why thank you, Olivia. Speaking of cute..."

"Yes?"

"What cute little outfit are you wearing right now?"

Olivia couldn't help but smirk before she took another bite of chicken. "Well let's see," she mused after she swallowed, glancing down at her flannel pajama pants and over sized Yankee's T-shirt. "I'm wearing that little red teddy you like so much."

"The one with the black lace?"

"Mmm hmm."

"Perfect because you look smoking in that get up, Baby. Are you on the bed or the couch?"

"The bed, of course," she told him with a hint of slyness in her voice as she stretched out on her couch. "That's where I always am when I think about you."

"Mmmm... Sounds fun. I wish I was with you right now."

"I know, Baby, I wish I was with you too."

Brian sighed, his tone full of exasperation. "I gotta get a new job. Or a new shift. I hate working nights, I hardly ever get to see you."

"You've been doing good on Days, maybe they'll let you switch permanently sometime soon," Olivia offered hopefully.

"Maybe. But right now the only thing I'm thinking of is how much I wanna be with you."

"You're off Monday right?"

"Yeah but that's too far away."

Olivia smiled as she took another bite. "I'm sure we'll both survive it."

"Yeah yeah." There was a collection of background noise and what sounded like Brian shouting at someone before he turned his attention back to her. "Hey, Babe, I gotta go," he told her hastily. "Some asshole's drunk and looks like he's about to piss on the courthouse."

"Sounds exciting."

"Always. Have a good night, Baby."

"You too. See ya."

"Bye, Liv."

They both hung up at the same time and Olivia turned back to her dinner, unable to hide the smile as she put her phone down on the table. Maybe she was wrong for judging him so harshly about saying 'I love you' because right then, ending the conversation with that that would have felt more right then anything else.

_The next time I see him, _she promised herself as she took a forkful of food into her mouth. … _Maybe._

After the conversation and a few flirty text messages, his partner was back in the car, exchanged between her and Cassidy, she quickly finished her dinner, double checked the locks as well as making sure the stove was off, texted Brian 'good night' and headed to bed far later then she would have liked but with a smile on her face.

The next morning however her smile had completely disappeared. She couldn't find her 'court shoes' and she was almost late.

However after the ass chewing Barba received, she almost wished she had missed the trial.

She watched as Barba sank miserably in Motions court while Lewis' legal aid, Vanessa Mayer, played her cards exceptionally well. She got the judge convinced that he needed a psych eval, even with Barba showing clear cut obvious evidence contradicting it.

The whole time she sat there she couldn't get the thought out of her mind that he wold get away with what he had done to Alice Parker.

So the moment the judge dismissed them Olivia all but ran up to Barba, fear in her eyes. "Is there anyway he can get away with this?" she asked, a twinge of fear shining in her eyes.

"Are you asking if he can fake incompetency? Oh sure, this is his MO. Another delaying tactic," he sighed as he looked towards the now blank screen where Lewis had been moments ago.

"It's not his first time."

Both Barba and Olivia turned towards Amanda who had walked up to them who had her phone in her hand and a smirk on her face. "Finally caught up to him."

Olivia and Barba shared a look before they turned back to Amanda who beamed at Olivia. "I took your advice and we got at least one other prior."

"Good job," Olivia told the blonde as she looked over her phone. "This is really gonna help us out."

"You realize that priors aren't gonna be admissible, Vanessa told them with a smirk."

The trio turned towards the smirking Legal Aid who had interrupted their conversation. "This is an A, B, and C conversation," Barba informed his rival, "so you need to distance yourself from it right about now."

"Oh grow up!" she snapped.

"I'm not the one with fire engine hair you can find on the eighteen year old cashier working at Hot Topic, which, by the way, doesn't work for you as well as you think it does."

Vanessa rolled her eyes as she pushed past Barba, purposely slamming into his shoulder.

"What a bitch," Amanda sniped when the red head was out of earshot.

"Maybe but she's smart, even if she is just legal aid," Barba muttered. "Email me those case reports. He may have gotten away before but the only place he's going after this trial is a jail cell and living with cell mate who loves his sixty year old Mother more than anyone."

Olivia couldn't help but feel comforted at Barba's words. He was confident that he would put Lewis away and she was grateful because as strange as it sounded, Olivia was scared of him.

She knew she had no real reason to be but the way he talked to her during his interrogation... Even if he was just trying to frighten her it had worked and the last thing she wanted was for Lewis to be free.

Olivia gave Barba a smile before she turned towards Amanda. "You ready to go?"

Amanda nodded and after they both bid good bye to Barba they headed out if the court house.

When they were out in the open Amanda glanced over at her. "You ever talk to Cassidy? About the whole 'I love you' situation?"

"I did and it worked out perfectly so thank you for that advice," answered Olivia with a smile. "But it was weird last night I was talking to him and it... I almost wanted to say it to him, ya know?"

"Did you?"

Olivia shook her head. "After the fuss I made about it, I don't think telling him the first time over the phone would be the best idea."

Amanda nodded. "I gotcha. But are you gonna tell him soon?"

"He has Monday off so he's gonna come over and do something special," Olivia told her with a grin. "I think then might be the best time."

"Completely agree," said Amanda with her own smile. Her phone vibrated again and Amanda picked it up, her face falling as she read it, "he has another prior. Another rape torture case. A pair of roommates in Alabama."

"Jesus," Olivia muttered. "How many times has this guy gotten lucky?"

Before Amanda could answer there was another vibrate on her phone. The blonde swallowed hard as she opened her Email again. "Three times. Only... only he was involved in a murder with this one along with rape and torture. I- I mean I knew I had a bad feeling about this guy but this is way beyond what I thought anyone was capable of. This is just disgusting.

"I've been in SVU for fifteen years and _I'M_ disgusted at what he did." Olivia gave a look of determination to Amanda. "We can't let him get away with what he did to Alice Parker. I refuse to let him do that to another woman."

Amanda nodded in agreement as they reached their cars. "Email Fin and Amaro those files, tell them I want everything on each of those three cases by the time we get there."

Amanda nodded and began at once carrying out the order Olivia had given her.

Both thoroughly sickened at the news, they each got in their cars and drove away.

Please Review :-)


	14. Chapter 14

I own no one but my own people

Amaro sighed heavily as he poured himself a cup of coffee. He slowly stirred in the creamer along with the sugar and reached for a lid only to find there wasn't any.

"You gotta be kidding me," he grumbled glancing around the counter designated to coffee. He was about to give up when someone held out a clean lid.

"Thanks," said Amaro as he turned towards the person offering the lid. His grateful smile fell when he saw the man who was offering the lids. "What the hell do you want?" Amaro snapped as he pulled away from Elliot's hands.

Elliot shrugged as he held up a handful of plastic white lids. "Nurses station always have their own stash." He placed them next to the industrial coffee maker.

"So you're a thief?"

"Tell that to victims parents or husband who only want a cup of coffee and you gotta wait for some disgruntled cafeteria worker to refill the stock before you can give it to them," Elliot told him as he reached in his hoodie picket and pulled out another large stack and also placed it next to the coffee maker.

Amaro said nothing as Elliot grabbed a cup and made his own cup. "You talk to her?" asked Elliot as he filled the Styrofoam cup with the hot steaming liquid.

Amaro shrugged. "Yeah I did. What's it to you?"

"What it's to me is my partner was raped and tortured and I wanna know how she is." Elliot put a lid on the cup and took a sip. "I don't think that's asking for much."

"Like you said, she was raped and tortured. How the hell do you think she's doing?" Without another word Amaro began walking away back to the waiting room but Elliot stood in front of him and Amaro raised his brow. "We really gonna do this right now, Stabler?"

"Oh please, we both know I could snap you like a twig if I wanted to," Elliot told him as he gave him a look that was yelling 'come on".

Knowing that Elliot's words wasn't completely wrong he stood where he was and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "What the hell do you want then? Unless it's an apology then I don't wanna hear it."

Elliot opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. After several moments of silence Amaro rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Stabler; look, MY partner wants some kind of information regarding her boyfriend so see ya."

Amaro went to push past him but Elliot placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder to stop him. "Get your hands off me!" Amaro snapped as he slapped Elliot's hand away.

"Look, you don't know how hard this is for me right now," Elliot told him a bit louder then he had intended. "She was my partner and best friend."

"And you abandoned her."

"Because I didn't want her to look at me like I looked at myself after what I did!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Elliot leaned back and eyed him carefully trying to gauge if he was telling the truth or not. "She never told you. Liv never told you why I left."

"No she never told me anything about why you left and frankly I don't care. You left her without so much as a good bye and I was the one who had to see that... that emptiness in her eyes every time she talked about you those first few months. There's no excuse for making her look like that and now you're blaming me for something I already feel like shit about-!"

"I blame myself too!" Elliot yelled earning stares from everyone in the cafeteria. "You think I don't know this is my fault as well?"

Amaro narrowed his eyes in confusion. "What the hell are you talking about, Stabler?"

Elliot took a deep breath and shook his head. "This is gonna sound horrible but I should have been there to save her. She's had guys take her or tried something with her before and I was always there to save her. Now I left and this happens... I know it's stupid but I feel like if I was there I would have known to make her flash her lights or get her a detail or stopped by to make sure she was okay or... or something. I know hind sight's 20/20 but I can't imagine this guy gave no indication he was going to attack her."

"Well he didn't. And once again you're saying it's my fault?" Amaro snapped.

"No. Maybe. I don't know, Amaro! I- I just wanna know why the hell no one checked in on her or walked her home or anything. If I was there I know I could have helped her and I wasn't because I was afraid of her judging me."

Amaro shifted guiltily in his spot and Elliot narrowed his eyes at him. "What?" he demanded as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Amaro, what the hell aren't you telling me?"

Amaro swallowed hard as he glanced down at the floor. "I... I did check up on her," he sighed. "She answered the door and I knew something was wrong but I assumed it was issues with her boyfriend. She said some hurtful things which I know now were only because Lewis said that if she didn't get rid of me he'd kill her and... And have me take her place."

Fire burned inside Elliot's eyes as Amaro's words ran through his mind. "You... you went over while he was there... and you didn't shoot him dead because she... she hurt your feelings?" he spat, his words trembling dangerously.

"I didn't know he was there," Amaro argued. "If I did-!"

"You didn't notice something was off? You didn't notice she was a little scared over the fact she was in the middle of being raped and fucking tortured!" Elliot yelled, throwing his coffee and letting it splash over the usually gleaming white cafeteria.

"I thought she was having issues with Brian!" Amaro shouted. "I thought she was having boyfriend issues and that's what had her messed up!"

Elliot shoved a finger in Amaro's face but this time the younger Detective knew well enough not to slap it out of his way. "You stay away from her," Elliot growled, "you hear me? You stay the hell away from my partner!"

"She isn't your partner anymore," Amaro spat. "She's mine, and I did everything I could to save her, so why don't you just stay the hell out of my way!"

Without another word Amaro pushed by him and stormed back down the hall, Elliot's words he knew to be true ringing in his ears.

**5 Days Earlier**

After they had explained the previous crimes that Lewis had done, all three previous crimes cruel and senseless, to the rest of the squad, Cragen had ordered the four of them to get every single scrap of evidence from each of those cases.

He, Cragen told them while Olivia tried to hold back a smirk, was going to be working with Alice even more on trial prep. When Barba pointed out that was his job, Cragen just told him to get to work and disappeared into his office.

"I don't get it," Amanda sighed as she sat down at her desk. "If I went through what Lewis did to her, I wouldn't even wanna look at another man ever but she's already ready to back on the horse? Much less get on the horse with Cragen?"

"How you deal with an attack is a case by case basis," Olivia offered as she took her own chair. "One time we had a victim who after she got home from the hospital, she started stripping right in front of my partner."

"You know you never did tell us why he quit," the blonde said as she signed in to her computer.

"Not my place," said Olivia without missing a beat. "But my point is recovering from rape isn't a one size fits all so you need to get that out of your head and never let a victim hear you say that whatever they're doing isn't a 'normal' reaction."

Amanda nodded eagerly. "I gotcha. But isn't that one of the ways we look at to determine if they're telling the truth."

"Always assume the victim is telling the truth until you have concrete evidence otherwise. And someone acting out of the scope of what you consider normal isn't concrete evidence."

"She's right," Barba added as he looked over the case board. "Everyone deals with things differently, being a victim of a crime is no different. When I worked over in Brooklyn, I had one victim who was assaulted and beaten, refused to come out of his house, had severe mental issues, became a hoarder. Another victim who used to go bike walking every day down that same path was attacked by the same guy, same place, same exact type of attack, same exact things did to him... he went biking that same route the next night, started dating the lawyer involved in the case."

Amanda's eyes went wide. "Oh my God... He actually started dating his attackers lawyer."

"I didn't say defense attorney did I?" said Barba with a smirk.

Amanda narrowed her brow in confusion. "One of your assistants?"

Olivia had to bite her tongue to keep from laughing and Barba cocked his head to the side a little. "Sure... Lets go with that."

He turned to Olivia and rolled his eyes who had to put a file up to her face to hide her grin from a still confused Amanda. "You'll be sure I get copies of everything," he said, more of a demand then a question.

Olivia cleared her throat and made sure "Of course."

"Good. Walk me out."

Olivia got up from her chair and over to Barba and the two began to walk away from the bullpen. "Is she serious right now?" he muttered loud enough for only Olivia to hear him.

"She's from the South, she probably hasn't been around that many," she said as they reached the elevator.

"I know but come ON!"

"Maybe her gaydar isn't up to New York City speed yet."

Barba turned towards her and raised his brow. "Gaydar?"

Olivia nodded and turned towards him. "Yeah. I mean... I mean you are gay right?"

Barba scoffed in disbelief. "I can't believe you think I'm gay! What on earth would make you think that?"

Olivia was slightly taken aback for a moment . "I... I'm sorry, I just... I'm sorry."

"I am not Gay," Barba told her as the metal doors slid open. He turned on his heel and smirked at the apologetic Detective. "I'm Bi."

Olivia rolled her eyes, unable to hide the grin. "You're such an ass sometimes."

"What can I say, I'm greedy," he said with a shrug and a wink.

"Secret's safe with me," she said with a slight laugh before he got on the elevator.

"Make sure you get me those files," he told her as the doors slid shut.

"Will do," she told the now shut elevator doors. Shaking her head at the lawyer she made her way back to the desks where Amanda was blushing a deep scarlet. "I take it you figured it out?" she asked as she retook her seat.

"Took her a while but she got it," Fin said with a smirk towards his new partner. Amanda rolled her eyes but remained quiet.

Olivia laughed at the blondes embarrassment but for the same of Amanda she decided to let it go and instead concentrate on the cases they had been given.

Hours later, and every single report forwarded to Barba, the squad had decided to call it a day. Cragen hadn't been seen or heard from since he left to go do trial prep with Alice, and apart from the initial reports, there was nothing of any use anywhere else.

So when it was nearing eleven Olivia, once again being the senior in charge, ordered everybody to go home and be in bright and early the next morning.

Olivia stayed a half an hour later then the rest to make sure she hadn't missed anything. When she was finally sure that nothing new would come from tonight she stood up from her comfortable office chair and grabbed her phone from her pocket.

But when she unlocked the screen she frowned at the expensive phone. There wasn't a sing;e missed call or unanswered text from Brian. When he worked his normal shift he would get up around ten, work out for an hour, get ready for work, and be at the court house by midnight. But he would find time to send at least two or three flirty text messages.

With the thought firmly in her mind that she was over reacting, Olivia quickly dialed the familiar number and waited once, twice, three, and finally on the fifth ring did a voice picked up.

"Hey, Babe," answered Brian slightly breathless. "How you doing?"

"Good. How are you, you sound a little out of breath."

"I'm fine, I just got done with my work out," he told her. "You just get off work?"

Before Olivia could answer a voice from Brian's phone rang in her ear. "Hey, Bri, I'm thinking the red with the black trim," a young female voice told him. "I think it looks a lot sexier, what do you think?" the unknown woman finished, Olivia being able to see the seductive smirk from here.

Olivia stopped dead in her tracks as the voice reached her ears. She took a shot moment to compose herself before she spoke. Maybe Brian had a logical explanation for the reason why a seductively speaking woman was talking about what would look sexier late at night. "Who... Brian, who's that?"

There was a short pause. "Who's who?"

"The woman in the background," Olivia said a bit more tense then she would have liked.

Another much longer pause, "Oh... oh that um... that would be my partner."

"Your partners a forty year old man," she told him.

"...They changed me up?"

Olivia shook her head in disbelief, unable to help the tears that was flooding her eyes. "When you come up with a better story be sure to let me know."

"Liv, wait!"

But she was already gone.

Drama in the past, drama in the present, drama in the future... no one can seem to catch a break. Please Review :-)


	15. Chapter 15

I own no one but my own people

Amaro walked back towards the nurses station where Amanda sat in one of the overstuffed waiting room chairs with her head bowed and her phone up towards her ear, Elliot's words still ringing in his ears.

He struggled to find any one word that Elliot had said that wasn't true but he couldn't because as much as he hated to admit it, her old partner was right.

Amaro had actually been there when Lewis was in the middle of raping and torturing her. He had been there and he left because Olivia had gotten him angry over something he knew she didn't believe and if he had thought about it even for one second he would have seen it was all a lie and she was trying to send him a message that she was in danger.

Lewis was the one who had actually committed the crime but Amaro was the one who hadn't stopped him. He was just as guilty as the man who hurt her...

With that thought weighing him down he felt he might fall through the floor, he walked over to Amanda who was still looking down at the floor, tears silently streaming down her face as she muttered into the phone.

Amaro wanted to give his blonde colleague some privacy but then he heard it. That one word that took this whole case into a whole other ball field and that made his eyes widen and his jaw drop to the floor. "Pregnant."

He bent down in front of her and lifted her head up, his eyes still wide and his mouth open. "What's going on?" he worded silently, silently begging her to get off the phone she she could explain to Amaro what had happened and why that word was being associated with his partner.

Amanda held up a finger to tell him to wait before she turned her attention back to the phone. "Yes, Sir," she mumbled, her accent seeming to thicken the more emotional she became. "Barba is actually on his way to the hospital, he texted me about fifteen minutes ago to say he'd be here within the hour. Yes, Sir. Alright, Sir, I'll see ya when you get here."

With a hard swallow Amanda hung up the phone and put it back in her pocket, her blue eyes glistening with tears.

"Amanda, what the hell's going on?" Amaro demanded from his place on the floor. "Who's pregnant?"

Amanda sniffed and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and nodded towards the the hallway that led to Olivia's room. "Liv was."

Amaro's face fell as the blonde's words rang in his ears. She had said 'was', not 'is.' Olivia 'WAS' pregnant... He swallowed hard before he spoke again. "Wha... what do you mean was?"

Amanda tried to speak and tell him what the doctor had told her but when she opened her mouth the only thing that emerged with a sob so she quickly shut her lips again and shook her head as a fresh wave of tears made their way down her face.

"Amanda," Amaro began as gentle as he could under the circumstances. "Tell me what you meant. Olivia WAS pregnant?"

Amanda nodded again only this time she forced the words through her emotion. "The- the doctors asked Fin if there was any chance she could be pregnant and he just said she was in a sexual relationship with her boyfriend so they did a blood test during the surgeries... She was about five weeks along but... but everything Lewis put her through caused her body too much stress and she... she miscarried..."

Amaro's whole world seemed to come crashing in around him as Amanda's words reached him. This couldn't be happening. Not now. Not when Olivia had so much more to be dealing with. She had finally gotten something she had been wanting her whole life only to be ripped away from her and he didn't know if the fact she probably didn't even know she was pregnant would make it better or worse when she got the news that the attack had caused a miscarriage.

This is fucking great," he muttered. "Her boyfriend is in a coma, she was raped and tortured for twenty hours and her baby's dead... Where the hell is the justice or fairness in the world?"

Amaro shook his head in revolution, sickened by the hardships that had fallen on his partner. "I'm gonna go see how Brian's doing. Have you gone to see her yet?"

Amanda shook her head as well. "No. I tried to see her but a nurse told me she specificity asked that I not see her." Tears flooded her eyes once more. "She thinks I'm gonna look down on her for what happened but I'm not. Hell I think she's stronger today then she was last week for surviving what the son of a bitch put her through."

Amaro's face fell as Amanda took a quivering breath and she wiped the fresh tears away. "Go see how Brian's doing," she instructed as she sat back down in her designated chair. "Maybe you can bring her some good news."

Without giving hi a chance to comfort her she reached in her pocket and pulled out her phone, immediately dealing with the phone tag she had been put in charge of.

Amaro placed a hand on the blondes shoulder, giving her a gentle smile for good measure, and headed down the hall to where Brian was.

He paused outside Brian's room and glanced inside, swallowing hard when he saw the scene.

Cassidy was lying in a bed with more tubes and wires hoked up to him then Olivia had, his whole top of the head covered in thick white medical gauze, his eyes firmly shut to the world around him.

Joanne was sitting by Cassidy's bedside, blotting her eyes with a handkerchief as she held his unresponsive hand, her short red hair disheveled and unkempt, not that he could blame her in any manner what so ever.

Amaro took a deep breath and walked in, giving a timid knock on the door as he did. Joanne turned from her son's bedside and gave Amaro a sad smile.

"Hello, Detective," she offered with a sniff and a wipe of her eyes. "How are you doing?"

"Fine," he lied through his teeth as he walked in, almost afraid to make a noise. "How are you?"

Joanne shrugged as she turned back to her unresponsive son. "This is the third time I got a call in the middle of the night to come see my son in the hospital." She blotted away more tears. "You think it'd get easier but it doesn't. And it's... it's never been this violent before."

Amaro swallowed hard as he slowly walked over to her and sat on the other side of Brian's bedside. "Did... did anyone tell you what happened to him?"

Joanne shook her head, not looking away from her son as she sniffed away more tears. "The blonde Detective said he was attacked but other then that nothing. That's all anyone would tell me. But I don't understand why someone would wanna hurt him like this."

Amaro swallowed hard as he nodded. He deserved to have his story told. "Mrs. Cassidy... your son... he was attacked but it wasn't random. Brian was at Olivia's house and there was a very violent and dangerous man who broke in."

Joanne snapped her head up to look at Amaro, her eyes, a mirror image of her sons, held a look of shock. "Oh my word! What happened?"

"I don't know exactly but I'd be willing to bet my life he went down defending Olivia."

Joanne's hand threw to her mouth as a fresh batch of tears spilled over her eyes. "Good havens. Is Olivia okay?"

Amaro hesitated for another long moment. More then anything in the world he wanted to tell her 'yes.' That Olivia was fine and she had bested the Beast who was in lock up and she was out side in the waiting room as they spoke.

But he couldn't lie to this woman. She seemed too kind and genuine to not tell the truth over what happened, no matter how much he wanted to.

Amaro took a deep breath before he spoke, his voice threatening to betray his tears he wanted so desperately to shed. "She was attacked by the same man who attacked your son. She was... she was raped and tortured. She's gonna be okay," he told her when he saw Joanne throw her hand up to her mouth while tears glistened in her eyes. "She's awake in this very hospital as we speak."

Joanne's bottom lip trembled unmercifully as she shook her head. "How... how could anyone be this... who would do this to them, they never hurt any body! Olivia or my Brian!"

"I don't know but I plan on getting to the bottom of it, I promise. This... this beast isn't getting away with this. I promise you, I will personally get this freak."

Amaro knew until Lewis was in custody, the woman sitting before him could care less about empty words. Joanne turned back towards Brian, her hand never stopped stroking his. "You were never his biggest fan," she admitted with a tear filled half smile. "After he started dating Olivia he told me that he still was weary of you but there was only three people in this world he'd trust to look after her. Himself, her old partner, and you."

Amaro shifted culpably in his spot and had to look at the readings on a monitor to keep Joanne from seeing the guilty look in his eyes. Her lips twitched as she looked back up to Amaro. "He really does love her."

Amaro swallowed hard as he nodded, still unable to face her. There was a soft knock on the door and both Amaro and Joanne turned towards the door where a nurse smiled sweetly at Joanne. " I need to change his bandages," she explained as see walked in with a cart of medical supplies.

"How long will this take?" asked Joanne as the doctor rolled the cart up to Brian's bed.

"About a half hour or so. You can stay but I gotta warn you it's not gonna be pretty..."

The older woman sighed and nodded as she shook her head and stood up from her chair. "I think I'm going to stop in and see Olivia," she told Amaro. "I can't even begin to imagine having all that happen to you and not have a single family member in with you."

Amaro nodded and offered Joanne another grateful smile before the older woman left the room and shut the door behind her. He stood by and looked down at Brian as the nurse began to slowly unravel the dressing.

When the last blood soaked layer of gauze was taken away, it took all Amaro had to keep his lunch down.

Lewis had gotten him bad. There were several lacerations that was deeply embedded in his skull and nearly all of his hair had been shaved away. How the hell he survived the beating would forever be a question to the Cuban detective.

After another few minutes or so of silence Amaro finally spoke. "So... So honestly," he asked the nurse as she examined the wounds. "What are the chances of him coming out of this alive?"

The nurse shook her head. "I'm not sure but judging by these lacerations, if he does wake up, he's probably gonna be a changed man."

"What do you mean changed?"

"He could have mental defects, memory problems, behavior problems, personality changes... One patient woke up from a car crash with extensive head damage, within ten minutes he was touching the nurses very inappropriately. He was a minister who had been happily married for twenty years without so much as looking the wrong way at another woman before.

Each brain is as individual as the person it's inside so any damage to it is gonna be individual as well, there's no clear cut way to say exactly what's going to be the end results from this."

Amaro shook his head in disgust. "That would be perfect," he grumbled. "A rape victim with a sexual deviant for a boyfriend. If he knew he was hurting Olivia like that, he would probably wanna go back into the coma."

All at once his face fell as a realization hit him like a slab of concrete. He hadn't told Joanne not to tell Olivia that Brian was in a coma...

Without another word to the nurse Amaro raced from the room and down the hallway. Ignoring Amanda who stood up like a flash the moment she aw Amaro sprinting by, he ran to Olivia's room and threw open the door to her room.

"Joanne, I need to talk to you!" he told her, praying with all his might that she hadn't brought up the coma to the fragile woman in the hospital bed yet.

But when Olivia snapped her head towards him, he could tell, just from the betrayed look in her eyes that was flooded with tears, that she already knew...

**XxXxX**

"He didn't do this! She's lying!"

"Detective Benson was raped and tortured for twenty hours right after your client gets out of prison!" Fin shouted. "You don't think that's a little bit of a fucking coincidence?!"

"She's obsessed with him!" Vanessa Mayer yelled. "She probably had rough sex to stage him for rape!"

"Rough sex? Rough sex, are you kidding me?" Cragen barked. "She was burned and bleeding and went into fucking shock after what Lewis did to her! None of that was fucking consensual!"

Vanessa wiped tears away angrily. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about! He's innocent!"

"He's the Devil," Fin spat. "And you either tell us where he is now or I swear to fucking God I will arrest you right here and now and I will throw you into a cell and throw the key down a fucking well!"

"I already told you I don't know!" Vanessa screamed. "Get the hell out of my house!"

"Where is he?" Cragen demanded, ignoring her request to leave. "Tell us where he is, and tell us now."

"Even if I did know, I wouldn't tell you! Now get the hell out or I swear to fucking God I will sue you, your precinct, and the whole NYPD to the point they can't even afford the paper to write parking tickets on! Leave NOW!"

Fin shook his head in disgust before he got up from the table and stormed out of the room and soon after the sound of him slamming the door shut almost shook the whole house.

Cragen stood up and looked down at her, his voice shaking with his rage. "You're defending a rapist and a murderer who completely broke a genuinely good woman's spirit last night. Right now I don't know who the bigger beast is; you or him..."

Vanessa narrowed her eyes at the older cop. "Leave," she snarled, clutching the edge of the her table so tight it left an indent on her palms.

Cragen stared her down for several moments before he stood up and walked out of her house. The moment she heard her door slam shut for a second time, she stood up from the table and stormed up the stairs to her bedroom, tears burning her eyes that she didn't bother to wipe away.

When she reached her bedroom she threw open the door, jumping back when she saw Lewis standing at the entry way. "What'd you tell them?" he asked as he looked down at her.

"That I didn't know where you were," she answered as she wiped away her tears.

Lewis cocked his head to the side as he looked over her. "You don't think I did that to Benson right? You know she's just setting me up?"

"No, I believe you, I do. It's just... it's getting really hard to believe that two women you had issues with both ended up in that state just to frame you."

Lewis shook his head and scoffed in disbelief. "I can't believe you. You really think I hurt her, don't you?"

"No! No, Billy, I don't, I-!"

"You really think I did all those horrible things to that Detective don't you?" he yelled. "You think I burned her and made her bleed and branded her, don't you?!"

Vanessa opened her mouth to argue when a realization hit her. She swallowed hard as she looked up at her boyfriend, feeling a fear she hadn't felt in her life. "They... they didn't mention her getting branded..."

Lewis' face fell as they looked at one another for what felt like a lifetime for the red headed lawyer but in reality was only a few seconds.

"Vanessa..." Lewis began slowly but she didn't give him a chance. As soon as he finished speaking her name, Vanessa sprinted away from him, only to have Lewis run after her, easily catching up with her.

He wrapped one arm around her and slammed one hand over her mouth while she screamed as loud as she could, kicking and struggling against his ironclad hold.

Lewis lifted her clear off the ground as easily as if she was a pillow and began to hurry back to her bedroom, her muffled terrified screams turning him on but she wasn't even close to his type to have fun with. She was far too young.

"Don't worry," he hissed in her ear as she dodged a swipe of her sharp nails. "I promise to kill you quickly. You ain't the type to have that much fun with."

With those words ringing in her ears, he pulled her into her bedroom and slammed the door behind him.

**5 Days Earlier **

"Olivia, wait! Liv! Fuck!"

Brian immediately tried to redial his girlfriend but got nothing but a few rings and then voice mail. He hung up and called back as fast as he could manage, this time the call going right to voice mail

With a frustrated yell Brian threw his phone down on the couch he was sitting on and put his face in his hands. "I can't believe this shit!" he groaned.

"Is everything okay?" the woman who had caused the commotion asked as she lowered the sketches she had drawn at Cassidy's request, moving a mousy piece of lackluster blonde hair behind her ear.

"No, Chloe, it's not!" Brian snapped as he looked up to glare at the fashion student who lived directly across the hall from him who he had once saved from a break in. "Why did you decide to talk right there?"

Chloe glared at him, putting a hand on her size eighteen hip. "I'm doing you a favor and you're bitching at me for asking questions? Really?"

"Yeah really!" he barked, "because now she thinks I'm cheating on her or something and now I get to deal with that because you couldn't wait the three minutes to ask me a question!"

Chloe crossed her arms in front of her well endowed chest. "I'm tired, Brian, I had class all day! You should be on bended knee thanking me for not only giving you a HUGE discount on this, but because I stay up late so I can talk to you about it because I know you work nights.

I'm trying to be nice because I know what it's like to be broke as hell and have your anniversary coming up and I think it's adorable you're buying her a custom jacket and purse, but I expect a little bit of courtesy from you for it!"

Brian's face fell as he sighed, rubbing his temples with his thumb and forefinger. "I'm sorry and you're right. I do appreciate you doing all this for me, I really do, Chloe. I just got over a huge fight with her and I'm already on thin ice. This might have just cracked it though."

Chloe's face fell as Brian shook her head. "She's the best thing that ever happened to me and I'm gonna lose her over getting her a custom made anniversary gift," he muttered with a sad sort of laugh.

"Why don't you just tell her you were working on her gift?"

"Because I want this to be a total surprise."

"Well if you let her think you're cheating, not that I'm not flattered I mean you're the whole package I just prefer someone who doesn't have one, then neither of you will be happy and the surprise will be ruined anyway."

Brian sighed and nodded. "Got it. And keep working on it but you may end up with a new purse."

Chloe frowned but deciding it wasn't her place to really get involved, simply nodded and puled out the last sketch she had showed him; a red leather purse with black leather borders with 'Olivia' written in cursive with gold colored thread as the stitching. "So are we going with this one? Like I said before I think it looks the sexiest."

"Sure," Brian told her not really looking at the sketch but instead was looking at his watch. "Just make the 'Olivia' a lot smaller because when it looks all big like that it looks a little tacky. I'm running late but I'll talk to you tomorrow alright?"

"Sure," said Chloe with a smile as she gathered the other sketches. "And I'm sorry for ruining this for you."

"Nah, you're fine. I should be the one saying sorry to you for snapping. You didn't know it was Olivia on the phone."

Chloe didn't argue with him and instead both stood up, bid one another goodbye, and without another word Chloe left the apartment.

When the younger woman had left Brian immediately tried calling Olivia again only to get the same response as last time. He tried calling her every few moments as he got ready for his shift, each time he heard her voice mail he was getting more and more frustrated. Finally he just started sending a barrage of texts, each one filled with an apology and begging her to call him.

Just as he was about to leave his apartment for the evening, a tiny ping sounded from his pocket. He fumbled to pull his phone out of his pocket and he looked at it as if he was seeing food for the first time after years of starvation.

But as he read the text, he felt his world crash down around him, unable to comprehend how a few elementary words could destroy his whole universe;

"_From: Liv_

_11:32 PM_

_Don't contact me again."_

Tears welled in his eyes and he had to take several deep breaths to keep them from falling. This week was turning out to be the very worst of his life. His anniversary was coming up with her in five days and they had already gotten into two huge fights with Olivia, the first because he dared to say he loved her and now because he was working on getting her an amazing gift for their anniversary.

He tried calling her again but he got nothing once more. Afterwards he tried to texting her again but got the same cold silence as before.

Realizing he on;y had fifteen minutes until his shift started and he was already going to be late, he texted her one final time, saying nothing more then a simple "I'm sorry" that he prayed she would take to heart before he left his apartment, shutting the door behind him.


	16. Chapter 16

I own no one but my own people

"Liv," Amaro began as he looked down at Olivia. "Liv, we were gonna tell you, I swear! We were just waiting for you to get a little better before we sprang it on you."

"And what, you were just gonna say he was in surgery until I get out of the hospital?" Olivia demanded as tears filled her eyes. "How long were you gonna keep this from me?"

"I- I don't know, it wasn't... it wasn't my idea, Liv, you gotta believe me."

Olivia wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. "I can handle my boyfriend being sick, no matter what's wrong with me."

"Liv, I get that-."

"No, obviously you don't," she snapped. "Otherwise why did I have to hear it from his mother four hours after I've been in the hospital when my supposed friends knew it from the moment the doctor talked to them?"

"Liv, we weren't sure you could handle it," he told her, hating how the words came out of her mouth. "With everything you're going through we didn't wanna add any more stress. You've been through a lot."

"You have no idea what I've been through," she all but hissed at him. "You have no clue what I just had to endure."

"I know. I know, and that's why we didn't wanna add anything to your plate." Amaro walked up to her and kneeled beside her. "It was wrong to hide it from you but we did it to help you."

Olivia just shook her head. "You need to leave."

"Liv-."

"I already hate one partner. Don't make it two, Nick."

Amaro's face fell as the realization of her words hit him. But instead of arguing he just nodded and stood up from the floor. "I'll go check on Brian," he told the two women with a gentle smile towards the older one before he left the room, shutting the door behind him.

When they were alone in the room Olivia turned towards Joanne who looked at her with the one thing she didn't want.

Pity.

"I'm... so sorry about your son," Olivia told the older woman, hoping how truthful she was being was shining through. "I didn't... I didn't mean for it to happen."

"Sweetie, no one blames you," said Joanne with a gentle smile. "For any of this."

"Me and him got into a fight," Olivia admitted as more tears filled her eyes. "I know he was there to try to make it up to me. If he hadn't of been there-."

"Thinking about 'what might have' doesn't change 'what did'. Brian got hurt. There's nothing either of us can do about it except pray but I know my son. He's gonna pull through this."

"But the doctors said-."

"Doctors are men and women who just had a lot more college then your or I. They're human, they can be wrong. There's a reason why they have entire classes dedicated to teaching them how to cover their ass and save them from getting sued when they do mess up."

Olivia nodded in agreement as she looked down at the blanket covering her what she considered ruined body. "I can't get through this without him," she whispered softly. "I need him. If I lose him... I don't know how I'll survive this."

Joanne's bottom lip trembled at the younger woman's words. She reached in her purse and pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes. "He'll get through this, Olivia. I promise you."

Olivia wanted to believe her so much. She wanted nothing more then her boyfriend to wake up from his coma and be there with her. But she was a realist. Olivia saw Brian bleeding on that bathroom floor. There was no possible way he was waking up from this. No matter if she healed physically from what Lewis had done if Brian never woke up, if he stayed in that coma for the rest of his life... she almost wasn't sure if it was worth it.

The mere thought of losing him brought her to tears once more that she failed to hide from Joanne. The older woman's face fell. "Olivia, sweetie, it's gonna be okay..." With Olivia's mind firmly on Brian Joanne reached out and gently grabbed her shoulder. "DON'T!" screamed Olivia as she jumped and scurried to the edge of the bed, her eyes wide with terror.

Joanne pulled her hand back like she had been burnt. "Oh God! Olivia, I'm so sorry, I didn't-!"

"It's- it's fine," Olivia told him as she sniffed away her tears. "I'm fine, Joanne, but.. but do you think you should go back and- and check on Brian?"

Joanne realized the double meaning behind her words and she offered Olivia an apologetic smile. "Sure. If there's any change in his status I'll let you know."

"Thank you."

Joanne stood up from the chair and gave Olivia a final smile. "I'll be back, Sweetie, I promise."

Olivia managed a grin that appeared to be more of a grimace before the older woman walked out. When the door shut behind her Olivia leaned back in her bed as tears glistened in her eyes. But not even thirty seconds after the old woman left there was a timid knock on the door.

"Come in," she called after she cleared her throat and wiped some of her tears away.

The door opened and a Doctor, an older man with kind gray eyes and dark brown hair streaked with gray, and a nurse who didn't look old enough to be out of high school much less working in a Manhattan ER walked into the room. The Doctor offered Olivia a gentle smile as he crossed his hands in front of his of well pressed business suit.

"Hello, Detective Benson, I'm Doctor Stone. I attended to you when you came in. How are you feeling?"

"I feel horrible," Olivia muttered. "Everything hurts."

"I'll up your pain meds okay? Plus given the nature of your injuries, I'll make sure nursing staff only changes your bandages while you're asleep."

"Thank you."

He nodded as he reached down and picked up her chart, quickly glancing over it before he set it down, his face unreadable. "Detective, has anyone talked to you about what happened to you? Not the assault but one of the after effects?"

Stone's face fell hard and Olivia felt a sudden surge of fear. "No. What's wrong, what happened?"

He took a deep breath and cleared his throat. "Detective... when you arrived in the hospital we asked if there was a possibility you were pregnant. He told us you were in a relationship so we tested you and it came up positive."

All at once, life began to have meaning again. A thin glimmer of light shone through the darkness that Lewis had surrounded her in. She and Brian were gonna have a baby. Through all the horror and nightmares she would have to deal with thanks to the demon that hurt her, there was actually something to look forward to. Something she had wanted for longer then she could remember.

For the first time in what felt like forever a true genuine smile rose to her lips and her eyes welled with joyful tears. "I'm pregnant?"

She expected Stone to tell her with a smile that she was and how long and that her baby, she was already beaming at that phrase, had survived the attack.

Instead his face remained apologetic and forlorn. "You were," he told her. "Five weeks along. But there was a problem. After everything your body went through, the shock, the stress... you started miscarrying during the surgeries and you lost the baby. I'm sorry."

And just as soon as that light came into her life it was extinguished. For only literal seconds she had been happy again and her pain had dimmed. But hearing she had lost her baby, even if she had only known about it for mere moments, over what Lewis had done to her? It made the whole situation worse in infinite ways to count.

A fresh wave of tears made their ways down her face. "I lost my baby?"

Stone nodded solemnly. "Detective, I'm so sorry. We did everything we could to save it but-."

"Please leave," she whispered not giving him a chance to explain. It doesn't matter if he tried to save her baby, he hadn't. She didn't need to know why he failed, the only thing he knew was he did.

Stone shut his mouth, nodding before he and the nurse left the room and shutting the door behind them.

The moment she was alone, Olivia heard this horrible almost animalistic wounded scream that sent shudders down her back. She wanted to help this poor woman. To put her out of her misery and to save whoever was making that wounded screech.

It took Olivia another moment for her to realize that the horrible scream was coming from her...

**XxXxX**

"He was in here this evening, about three hours ago," the man behind the convenient store desk told Fin and Cragen as they stood in front of the cashier.

After they went Vanessa's they went to the half way House and followed a useless trail that led them no where but some low level Meth dealer out in Bronx who knew nothing about Lewis apart from his name. After that useless expedition they headed back towards the city and stopped at the same convenient store they had found him the night of Alice Parker's attack.

"I thought he was gonna try to steal my '5K Krazys' again," the cashier continued. "But then he brought them up to the counter and tried to pay."

"Wait try to? What he didn't have enough cash?"

"He had a card that wasn't his," the cashier answered. "Isn't that why you're here? About the stolen card? I called when it happened but no one bothered to come down."

Fin and Cragen glanced at one another before they turned back towards the man. "He was using a stolen card?"

The man nodded. "Yes. He tried to run it through as debit but I needed the pin so he told me to cancel it and try running it through as credit so he wouldn't need the pin. I've had problems with this guy before so I asked him whose card he was using. He just sort of smiled before he snatched the card and a case of my 5K's and ran out."

Fin and Cragen shared a look of flickering excitement, the news giving them a brief glimmer of hope that they were on the right track. They turned back towards the cashier who was mildly started at the cops enjoyment after hearing he had been robbed. "Amal, this is very important," Cragen began finally reading the name on the white plastic tag he had pined to his shirt. "Do you remember who's name was on the card?"

Amal looked deep in thought for a moment before he nodded slowly. "Something with an 'O' I think. Maybe Oliver?"

"Something with an O... you mean Olivia?"

Amal nodded. "Yes that's it; Olivia."

Cragen whipped towards Fin who turned with equal haste to his captain. "He stole her card. As far as he doesn't know we're looking at him he's gonna keep using it until the money runs out."

"We can trace her card," cried Fin. "We can call her bank, have them text us every time he uses it, it may not get us an exact location but it'll be something!"

Cragen nodded before they both turned back towards the Cashier. "Did he say where he was going or id he mention anything about directions or travel?"

Amal shook his head, "no but I noticed when he ran out of her when got into a very nice car. I didn't catch the plates but it was a powder blue convertible, beautiful shape. I thought it was weird a man like that would drive such a feminine looking car."

"Vanessa's car," both Detectives blurted out at once.

"Think, Amal, was there anyone else in the car with him?" Fin demanded. "Specificity a female, mid twenties, with red hair!"

"No, no one. He was all by himself."

Without another word Fin sprinted out of the store with Cragen hot on his heels. "Thank you!" the older Captain called out just before he stepped to go outside.

"He was there with him the whole time!" Cragen barked as they ran towards their car. "I promise you the moment we left she handed him the keys and he was on his way here!"

They got in their car and while Cragen got on the phone and called up every favor he had to make sure any activity on Olivia's, Brian's, and even Vanessa's accounts were texted and emailed to him the moment anything happened, Fin sped off towards the place they had been earlier.

Cragen also called in uniforms who were closer to Vanessa's apartment then they were to arrest her for obstructing justice for lying and to just hold her there until Fin and Cragen got there. When they were about a half hour away from Vanessa's loft, Cragen's phone began to ring.

"What?" he demanded, not having any spare time to be wasted on niceties.

"Captain Cragen, my names Sargent Porter, I'm handling the Vanessa Meyers arrest, they told me if I had any troubles to contact you."

"Yes of course. Do you have her, is she still there?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes to both and no to both as well."

"Look, Sargent, I don't have time for games so if you wanna-!"

"Your suspect is dead," Porter said bluntly.

Cragen froze as the words registered with him. Fin glanced over at him. "Yo, Capt, you okay?" to which Cragen gave no reply. After a moment Cragen finally was able to speak again. "How?"

"We're not sure," Porter told him. "All we know is there's a lot of blood."

"Was she tied to her bed?"

"Yeah. We already called the ME and CSU."

Cragen shook his head in disgust. "We'll be right there."

Without another word spoken Cragen hung up the phone and glanced towards a very confused Fin. "Vanessa Meyers was murdered," Cragen announced to Fin whose eyes grew wide at the news.

"Holy shit. Was it Lewis?"

"Looks like it. He probably murdered her then stole her car."

Fin shook his head as he continued to drive down the road, increasing his speed so they got to the lawyers home faster.

A half hour later when they arrived there was already an ambulance parked in the driveway and several CSU and cop cars out front along with Warner's car. Both of them left the car and made their way up to her loft where it was swarming with CSU and cops. It didn't look anything like Olivia's apartment had. It didn't look like any crime had taken place in it until they got to their bedroom.

"Christ almighty," Cragen muttered as he looked at the corpse on the bed. Her long pale arms from her wrists all the way up to her elbows were drenched in blood and a large puddle of blood was gushing out from between her spread legs and had already seeped into her mattress.

"What the hell did he do to her," Fin breathed as they made their way to the bed where Warner was examining her. The ME glanced up from her examination and walked over to her old friends.

"Judging by the amount of blood on her arms I'd say he slit her wrists and wanted to make sure he got her veins. Also I can't be sure until I get her on the table but from past experience it looks like he put a gun in her and pulled the trigger."

"How long has she been dead?"

"About four hours."

Cragen shook his head before he turned towards Fin. "It happened right after we left," said Cragen, his voice stunning Fin at the slight tremble in it. "He was here in her house when we were and we didn't see it. Now another woman is dead because I made the same mistake as before."

Without another word Cragen left the bedroom, disgusted at what he had done...

**4 Days Earlier**

After about a minute of annoying high pitched beeps from Olivia's alarm clock, she sent it flying to the floor but didn't even flinch at the crash. She had cried herself to sleep only four hours ago over what Brian had done and had woken up twice due to nightmares over the case.

They had court today and it was the first time that she wold be seeing Lewis after the interrogation and she was already praying that he wouldn't do anything to piss her off because she was not in the mood.

Olivia sat up in bed and reached for her phones, swallowing hard when she saw she had a text from Brian which he sent after her telling him to leave her alone.

Her finger paused over the phone, hesitating to click and read the message he sent her instead of just deleting it. She swallowed hard as a fresh batch of tears began to come fourth. Brian had lied to her. He told her he loved her, he said he would always be there for her, and that she was the only woman he cared about but it was all a lie.

Wiping away her tears Olivia deleted the message before she threw her phone down on the bed and got out, shuffling towards the bathroom to get ready for the day. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion that morning. From taking the shower to doing her makeup was taking twice as long as normal because she didn't want to do anything more then crawl back into bed and sleep until she forgot about this case and the pain in her heart that Brian had caused.

When she was finally done in the bathroom she glanced at her watch and groaned. Court was at nine thirty this morning and it was almost eight. She had to leave the house within the next ten minutes to beat the Manhattan traffic.

She pulled on her outfit for the day and just as she finished pulling her hair up there was a frantic knocking at her door.

"Coming!" she called to the person at he door, grabbing a pair of socks and black dress shoes from her closet. She went to the door and glanced through the peephole at the person on the other side. A wave of emotions crashed down on her.

"Liv, please let me in!" Brian called through the door. "Let's talk about this!"

"Go away, Brian," Olivia told him, struggling to hide the tears in her voice.

"Liv, it's not what you think! I'm not cheating on you, I swear!"

"I don't wanna talk to you."

"You're being really immature right now! Just talk to me, let me explain!"

Olivia sniffed away her tears as she shook her head. "You had a woman over there late at night and you expect me to believe you weren't sleeping with her?"

"Yes because that's the truth!"

Olivia shook her head as she wrenched open the door to see Brian standing there still in his uniform. "Olivia, listen to me please."

"How about you listen," she snapped. "You lied to me, you cheated on me -."

"No."

"And you made me feel like shit over not saying 'I love you' when you were sleeping around," she finished. "Tell why you deserve the time of day from me."

"Because I wasn't cheating!" he yelled. "Yes I had a woman over there last night because I work nights and I had no other time to talk to her! She lives in my building, Olivia, she was over there to help me with a problem."

"And I bet I can guess what kind of problem she helped you with."

Brian rolled her eyes. "No you can't because I never slept with her, I never even wanted to sleep with her! She's twenty two years old, Liv!"

Olivia crossed her arms in front of her chest and glared at him. "And how old were the prostitutes you slept with?"

Brian narrowed his eyes at her. "I NEVER slept with anyone under thirty when I was working for him!" he barked, "And you want details? Fine, there was three of them in a two year period, one of them I asked to marry me! Before that I never even looked at a pro! So how about you stop judging me on shit you don't know anything about?"

Brian shook his head as he looked back at her. "You've been screwed over so much, you can't see something good when it's standing right in front of you well guess what, Liv? I'm not gonna hurt you!"

Without another word, Brian stormed away from her apartment with Olivia staring after him.

**Please Review **


	17. Chapter 17

I own no one but my own people

A/N So... um yeah the promo killed me. Like I must have watched it like 200 times and "I wanna live," gets to me every time and Brian was crying and Amaro was probably doing something illegal and Lewis had a sharp old fashion can opener... You have no idea how excited I am over this episode and it's only a month away which makes it even better (it also means I only got a month to finish the story but I'll get it done, I assure you. )

So please read, enjoy, and review. But mostly enjoy :-)

Elliot made his way towards the waiting room where Amanda was on the phone and Nick was sitting next to her listening intently. His anger flared at the sight of the younger male Detective. Amaro had actually been at her apartment while she was being raped by this Demon and he had done nothing.

There was no way in hell he would have fallen for whatever she had told him.

His hands clenched into tight fists as he made his way over to the group. Amaro looked over at him and narrowed his eyes at the blue eyed detective as Elliot took a seat next to Amanda who was still knee deep in her conversation.

"Okay. Okay, see you in a bit. Alright. Bye, Captain."

With a sigh the blonde hung up the phone and turned towards Amaro. "They caught a lead. He stole Olivia's debit card so they got the bank giving them updates every time it's used plus he stole Vanessa's car so they got a report out on that and they're on their way here until they get something from her bank."

"Who's Vanessa?" Elliot asked.

Amaro's eyes flickered over to him but just as quick he turned back towards the floor.

"His lawyer," Amanda told Elliot. "They might have been in a relationship but she was just found murdered in her home."

"And we're sure it was him?"

"Tied to her bed using the same cables he used on Olivia and his previous victims, tortured, assaulted... Cragen and Fin thought she was hiding him but something must have set him off and he killed her."

Elliot shook his head as he turned towards Amaro. "So we were in a place where he was two times and no one caught on that he was there?"

"It's speculations that he was there when they were," Amaro snapped fiercely.

"Twice isn't a coincidence, it's sloppy work," Elliot shot back. "Okay this little bitch raped and tortured Olivia and from what I've seen people are acting like a bunch of first year rookies!"

"Oh please!" Amaro spat as he stood up with Elliot right behind him. "You prefer we all act like you? Use our fists to get the cases solved?"

"If it gets him off the street, you're damn right you use your fists or a knife or your gun or whatever you have! Elliot shouted.

Amanda stood up and swallowed hard, standing in between the two of them although nervous because she wasn't sure what on earth she wold be able to do if these two men got into it. "Guys, calm down," she pleaded.

"Oh and then what?" Amaro yelled back squaring off to the bigger man, both ignoring Amanda's plea. "We lose him in the process so he's free to do it again to another woman? No wonder they got rid of you, you're psychotic!"

"You don't know a thing me, Amaro, so just back off!" shouted Elliot before he pushed the younger Detective.

Amaro was about to come back when a loud bark cut through both of them, a bark they each knew exceptionally well.

"That's enough! Both of of you!"

They turned and saw Cragen and Fin, both looking just as angry as Elliot and Nick felt, storm up to the group. "Captain-." Amaro began but Cragen interrupted him without a second thought.

"I can't tell him to stand down but I can you! So knock your shit off, Amaro!"

Elliot shook his head. "Captain, that guys a loose cannon that doesn't give two shits about Olivia, you gotta-."

WHAM!

Stunning every person in the room and eliciting a small scream from the nurse, Cragen had turned around and cold cocked Elliot in the face as hard as his age and abilities would allow him, sending him crashing into the over stuffed chars and toppling over several of them.

Elliot grabbed at his face and stared up at the older man he once considered a mentor who was freezing his blood cold with the icy stare he was throwing at his former Detective. "You don't get to talk about how anyone in this unit treats her," Cragen told him with a shake in his voice that told Elliot just how angry the CO really was at the comment. "Not after what you did to her."

Elliot swallowed hard as he looked up at his former boss before he stood up from the ground. "Captain, you know why I left. I-."

"I know exactly why you let and I don't blame you at all. But how you treated her afterwards? Dropping off the face of the earth in concerns to her? THAT I will never understand!"

Elliot's face fell as he looked from Cragen to Fin who just shook his head. "Don't you dare look to me for help, I would've hit your punk ass first if my partner wasn't in the way."

Elliot ran a hand through his hair and turned his eyes towards the ground. "I... Look I know I screwed up but-."

"No you didn't screw up," Cragen snapped. "You destroyed the woman you called your best friend and put her through hell for months! That's not screwing up, that's being a straight up asshole!"

"And I told her I was sorry," said Elliot as he looked towards them again. "What the hell else does she expect me to do, eat my gun?!"

"You put her through hell!" Cragen shouted.

"You don't think I know that?" Elliot yelled. "You don't think I didn't wanna call her every chance I got? She's my best friend but I couldn't stand the shame! Alright, I- I couldn't stand looking at her face after what I did! How could I show my face to her, to anyone for that matter, after that?" He shook his head in disgust both at himself and the situation. "You think she went through pain? Well try looking at it from my end."

Cragen paused for a moment before he spoke. "You walked away to a family, she stayed with nobody. That's the difference, Elliot."

Elliot and Cragen just stared at one another before a loud primitive scream broke through both their minds that was familiar to all of them. The two of them along with Amaro, Fin and Amanda raced towards Olivia's room with two Doctors and several nurses sprinted in front of them.

They crashed through the door of Olivia's room and the Doctors immediately raced up to the brunette Detective who was thrashing and screaming while she laid. "MY BABY!" she screamed as sobs ripped past her lips. "HE KILLED HIM! HE KILLED HIM!"

"Get me fifty of Adavan and Haldol!" one of the Doctors shouted at the nurse before he grabbed Olivia's wrists and held them down at her side, all but laying over top of her to keep her from injuring herself.

The moment the Doctor touched her Olivia's screams increased in volume and intensity. "GET OFF ME!" she shrieked as she fought tooth and nail against the Doctor's iron clad hold. "DON'T TOUCH ME! DON'T!"

"She's a rape victim, you can't do this to her!" Amaro yelled but the Doctor ignored him, putting all his concentration on holding down Olivia.

Amaro took a step towards him but before he knew what was happening Elliot had grabbed the Doctor off of her and slammed him against the wall by his shirts collar. "Get off of me!" the Doctor shouted, staring at what he thought was a mad man.

"You don't touch her," Eliot snarled as his grip tightened.

"She needs to be restrained!"

"And I said you don't touch her!"

The Doctor opened his mouth to argue but was drowned out by another petrifying scream. "HE KILLED MY BABY!" Olivia screamed, her whole body shaking violently from the horrific sobs. "BRIAN! OH GOD, BRIAN, PLEASE! MY BABY!"

The nurses sprinted back in with the medications the Doctor had prescribed and the one doctor who wasn't being held up against the wall by Elliot Stabler snatched it from her and jabbed the needle into Olivia, quickly administering the meds. Within seconds her screams had died down and her body was no longer wracked with sobs.

"Brian," she groaned as tears made their way down her face. "Bri... Bri, our baby. Our baby..."

Then another few moments passed and she was out. The doctor threw Elliot's hands off him and threw a sharp glare. "I'm calling security and having you thrown out of here!"

"And I'll have your ass arrested for what you just did to her if you wanna go down that road," Cragen barked.

The Doctor narrowed his eyes at Cragen but instead of arguing he just shook his head and pointed towards an irate Elliot. "Get him out of my sight then."

"Let's go Elliot. Nick, stay with Liv while he's in there with her."

"Captain, Amanda should. Let me go help you catch this bastard," Amaro pleaded.

"No. Your job is to stay here with her. Elliot, let's go."

"She's my partner!" Amaro yelled. "Let me go catch the guy who did this to her!"

Cragen whipped around to face him, his eyes narrowed in anger. "This isn't up for debate, Detective! "

"Captain-!"

"That's an order! You got a problem then hand in your badge!"

Elliot could see his rivals hands curl into fists and he was practically shaking with restraint to not yell at the commanding officer.

Shaking his head in disgust, Nick went over and flopped down in the chair next to her bedside. Without another word Cragen and Fin left with Elliot right beside him.

"What the hell was she yelling about?" Elliot demanded in a hushed tone. "What baby?"

"She was pregnant," Cragen explained. "After everything that happened she... she miscarried."

Elliot froze in his step as his old Captain's words hit him like a ton of cement. Olivia had actually been pregnant. She had wanted to be a mother for so long, ever since he knew her in fact, and she had finally managed it with someone she was apparently very serious about only to have it ripped away from her in one of the most violent attacks he had ever seen, even after over thirty years in SVU.

She didn't deserve this. Any of it. The worst part of all this was Elliot knew if he had been there he KNEW he would have been there and not only check in on her but he would have realized something was wrong.

This was his fault. It was his fault that Olivia's baby was dead along with everything else that had fallen on her the past two days. And he had to make it right... somehow.

The shrill ring of Cragen's phone interrupted the former Detective's thoughts. He reached in his pocket and pulled it out, answering it with a quick flip of the cover.

"Cragen," he answered. "Yeah. Albany? Okay, great thank you."

Cragen flipped the phone shut and shoved it back in his pocket. "He just used her card in a diner in Albany, he's about two and a half hours from here," he told Fin.

Without a second glance at Elliot they started to head off but Elliot ran out in front of them. "Let me go with you," he pleaded. "Let me on this case."

"You're not a Detective anymore, Elliot."

"I don't care, I wanna help get this guy."

"No."

"She was my best friend and my partner! I'm gonna help you throw his ass in jail!"

Cragen licked his lips as he and Fin shared a look before they turned back towards Elliot. A moment passed and realization dawned on him as he looked between Fin and Cragen. "Tell me why you don't want Amaro to go with you."

"Because I gave him an order."

"No, no, don't give me that, there's a reason why you're not letting him go and I think I know exactly why..."

"That ain't none of your damn business," Fin snapped but Elliot paid no attention to him.

"Fin's right, this is none of your concern," Cragen told him.

"You aren't planning to let Lewis spend the rest of his days in a cell are you?"

Both were silent for a moment and Elliot just cleared his throat and rubbed his neck, taking a step towards him. "Let me help," he whispered softly.

"No."

"Captain, this guy raped and tortured my partner. I wanna be the one that pulls the trigger."

"I said no, Elliot."

"Give me one good reason why I can't go with you to get this guy?"

"Eli," Cragen said bluntly. "Same reason why we don't want Nick involved. He's got two kids, he's young, got his whole career ahead of him, same with Rollins. If something goes down then where we don't get away with this; I have no family, Ken's all grown up," he added nodding towards Fin. "The reward outweighs the risks for us."

"If I go to prison for this," Elliot muttered "then my son will know his father went down a hero."

"You're not getting the option to make him find out," Fin snapped.

Elliot glanced towards Cragen who almost looked apologetic at turning down his former Detective. "I'm sorry, Elliot. We gotta go."

The pair turned away from him and began to walk off. Elliot looked after them and took a deep breath before he spoke, knowing his next few words could make them hate him even more. "You let me tag along or I call up IAB and tell them what's going down."

They both stopped dead in their tracks and whipped around to face him. "What the hell did you just say to me?" Cragen demanded as he stormed back up to him.

Elliot shrugged carelessly as he crossed his arms. "You let me go, I got my own registered piece at the house, or else I call Tucker and tell them what you just told me."

"You son of a bitch!" Fin yelled as he stood toe to toe with Elliot, neither one backing down. "I always knew your were a fucking rat!"

"I just wanna help her!" He looked between the two irate men and took a deep breath. "I know you two do also but you either let me go or no one gets to." Elliot shrugged again. "So... what's it gonna be?"

**Four Days Earlier**

Brian's words were still ringing in Olivia's ears by the time she arrived barely on time to the court house.

She let out a breath of relief when she only saw Barba and Vanessa standing at their respective places and noticed a few more stragglers walk in behind her.

Olivia spotted Cragen and sat down beside him, sighing as she did so. "You okay?" Cragen asked as he glanced over towards her.

The brunette shrugged as she turned towards her boss. "I'm fine."

Cragen saw right through the lying words but could say nothing more on the matter when the guards brought Lewis in. He looked haggard and tired, his eyes half closed and was waving back and forth like he was drunk. Lewis glanced back into the crowd and within seconds his eyes fell on Olivia who was glaring at the man.

For one brief second, his deception fell and he smirked at the Detective, and slowly licked his lips.

Olivia glared at him but all he did was chuckle and turned back towards the front of the court, putting on the persona of a tired almost crazed man yet again.

"God that guy's a creep," Cragen muttered to her. Olivia nodded in agreement but the two couldn't continue their conversation any longer because the judge had just walked in and the first part of the trial had began.

Just as the first trial, Olivia watched as Vanessa swept the floor with Barba as hard as he argued his case. She rolled her eyes when Vanessa told the judge they were harassing Lewis and his subsequent speech about how hard a time he was going through since his arrest.

But when the Judge announced that he was remanded without bail, for the first time since this case started, a light was shining at the end of the long tunnel. They had a small win for now. He was off the streets and was behind bars with no chance of him getting out.

When Barba all but ordered them to go tell Parker, Cragen didn't hesitate a single moment to volunteer them to go fetch her.

When they were outside the court house Olivia stopped cold at what was in front of her.

"Hey, Liv," Brian, dressed in jeans and a simple gray T-shirt, greeted as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

After she had gotten over the shock, she crossed her arms and threw a sharp glare at him. "What the hell do you want?" she demanded.

"Liv, you okay?" asked Cragen as he looked between Olivia and Brian.

"I'm fine," said Olivia without turning away from Brian. "Let's just go."

"Liv, wait," Brian pleaded. "I just wanna talk to you."

Cragen cleared his throat and nodded towards his car. "I'll be in the car," he announced to the bickering couple before he took off leaving the angry couple alone.

Olivia rolled her eyes as Brian made his way up the marble white steps. "Before you scream at me, just hear me out."

"I don't wanna hear you out, I know everything that happened. You cheated."

"No."

"Yeah."

"No. Okay, I have NEVER cheated on anyone, you included. My old man had a completely different life with some woman he worked with and it almost killed my mom when she found out. I wouldn't want another woman to through that. "I care about you too much to do that to you, Olivia."

Olivia sighed as she looked at her boyfriend. "I know you've been hurt, Liv, and you got a lot of trust issues and I don't blame you for freaking out. At all. But I've told you before I'm not gonna hurt you, and I gotta be honest, Liv, I'm getting a little sick of trying to convince you that I'm not."

Brian shoved his hands into his pocket and shrugged. "I mean I care about you a lot, you know this, but if every other conversation we have is me trying to convince you I'm not the bad guy then I really gotta think about rather or not it's worth it."

Olivia's face fell as Brian shrugged again. "So that's it? We're over?"

"I don't wanna be but if you don't trust me..."

"I do trust you!"

"Then act like it, Liv. Stop treating me like Stabler or Haden and start treating me like the guy who's never hurt you in the whole year we've been dating."

Olivia held back tears as Brian swallowed hard. "I'll call you before I go to work. You answer, I know you've finally realized that I care about you too much to hurt you, If you don't then I'll know you still don't trust me and I promise you'll never hear from me again."

She could think of nothing to say as he walked down the courthouse steps. "Brian," she called out when he reached the final step.

He turned back to look at her and she couldn't help the trembling in her voice as she spoke. "Do... do you want me to answer?"

He took a moment to pause. "Honestly, Liv? I don't know at this point."

Olivia couldn't help the tears making their way down her face as he turned and walked away. She stood completely still for a moment before she wiped her eyes and made her way towards Cragen's car.

Without looking at her boss, she shut the door, ignoring the concerned look he was giving her.

"You okay?" asked Cragen gently as he started the car. Olivia just shook her head and stared out the window. There was a moment of pause before Cragen spoke again, "you can talk to me, Olivia. About anything, you know this right?"

"Can we please just go?" she begged without turning towards him.

Cragen sighed as he nodded and without another word he was off. A minute or so of silence passed before Olivia chuckled.

Cragen looked over at her, "what's funny?"

"Just the fact that the same time I'm losing my relationship with a cop, your gaining one with a victim."

Cragen couldn't help the blush that rose to his cheeks. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he told her, the glaringly obvious truth shining through.

"Oh please," she said as she turned towards him with another laugh. "Your car reeks of perfume and flowers. You took Alice on a date the other night."

Cragen swallowed hard as he stared intently at the road in front of him. "She... she called me," he explained. "We went out to dinner and we had a nice time. She's an amazing woman," he finished with a soft smile.

"I'm happy you've found someone but you realize that if Meyer's gets a hold of this it could hurt her in trial? Conflict of interest?"

"I know. Which is why we agreed to take a break until after the trial is over."

Olivia nodded as Cragen continued to drive down the streets, unable to get her mind off of what Brian had told her. She knew he was right. She had been abandoned and hurt by so many people she cared about, it was almost second nature for her not to trust anyone. Yes they were just a few days away from their anniversary and he hadn't hurt her but there was always the thought that he would leave her was always in the back of her mind.

It wasn't fair to Brian and to expect him to come running back each and every time she freaked out wasn't right.

She sighed as she rested her head against the cool window and watched as the city passed her, wondering if, no matter how much it hurt, it would be the best idea to pick up the phone later on when he called.

"Do me a favor," Cragen said to Olivia, "call Alice, make sure she knows we're on our way."

Olivia did as she was told and got nothing but a voice mail. "No answer," she told him.

Cragen narrowed her eyes in confusion. "That's impossible."

"Maybe she's sleeping or doesn't have her phone on her?"

"Her Granddaughter is getting her tonsils out today," Cragen explained, "she promised her she could call if she was scared, there's no way she wouldn't pick up her phone."

Olivia shrugged. "I'm sure she's fine, Captain."

Cragen said nothing but instead continued to drive increasing his speed slightly. Ten minutes later he nodded towards her phone again. "Call her again."

"Captain-."

"Call her, Olivia. Please..."

Olivia heard the slight desperation in his voice and she swallowed hard as she nodded. She picked up her phone and tried Alice again and getting the same response. "Voice mail."

Cragen swallowed hard, his knuckled turning white as he clenched the steering wheel. The speed increased even more until what turned into an hour ride turned into a forty minute ride.

"Call her again," Cragen told her as they pulled up with a slight screech to the front of the building and this time Olivia didn't argue.

She called her again, praying for an answer only to have the same result as the last time.

Cragen sprinted got out of the car and sprinted out towards the building with Olivia on his feels, his nerves making her just as nervous.

They ran inside the building and hurried over towards the building manager's floor office and pounded on the door.

There was movement inside before the door opened.

"We need to get into Alice Parker's apartment now!" Cragen demanded, letting his fear shine through.

"Why? What on earth is going on?"

"She's not picking up her phone and I know something's wrong,," Cragen argued, his eyes wide with worry.

"I just talked to her a few hours ago."

"Please," Cragen told her, desperation heavy in her voice. "I'm not gonna walk away again without knowing she's alright."

The manager nodded before the trio all but ran with the building manager to the elevator. Olivia looked over at her captain and saw him looking far more nervous then she had ever seen him. "She'll be okay, Captain," Olivia told him, trying her best to keep calm but the higher they rose the more fear encompassed them.

Cragen remained silent until they heard a short ding and arrived at Alice's floor.

"You said you talked to her a few hours ago?" Olivia confirmed.

The manager nodded as they made their way down the hall. "She seems to be doing okay, everything considering."

"Still she's not answering her phone!" Cragen reminded them, his nervousness evident in his voice as they approached her door and the manager unlocked it. "When is the last time you saw her?"

The door opened and they walked inside, "Ms. Parker?" Cragen called out, desperate for an answer.

"Alice?" the manager asked as they walked into her apartment. They spotted her on the couch with a book open on her chest and her eyes shut. "Oh, she's napping," the manager said with a smile.

Cragen stood frozen in the doorway, unable to approach the woman on the couch, his fear that she wasn't just napping too overwhelming.

Olivia walked over, her heart pounding hard against her ribs. "Ms. Parker?" she whispered, praying with all her might that she was just sleeping. When she got no answer she reached over and pressed her forefingers against her neck.

After a moment Olivia swallowed hard as she turned back towards Cragen and the manager, her voice nothing but a gentle whisper as she looked at her captain. "She's gone."

**Ugh I didn't wanna do that! I loved Alice and Cragen! :'( Maybe some of your amazing reviews will make me feel better about killing her off. **


	18. Chapter 18

I own no one but my own people

A/N Less then 3 weeks until the premiere. I wanna try to get at least one chapter a week and there's not that many left to be honest, and finish up on the 24th. So anyway, now that I told you my plan, I hope you enjoy and love the new chapter. Love you all :-)

Cragen glared Elliot down for several moments, being thrown into the memories of when the Detective had worked for him. He wanted to tell him to go to hell, to call his bluff, knowing deep down that blue line was still thick in Elliot's mind.

The hardened veteran Captain was not in any scared afraid of Ed Tucker or IAB. But what he was afraid of was wasting time while Lewis traveled upstate into Canada while they were forced to answer questions and he would be lost forever.

Plus, as much as he hated admitting it, Elliot still cared for Olivia and even though he had hurt her more then any other man in her life had, he would do anything for his ex partner and not think twice, including commit a murder against the man who had raped and tortured her.

So, it was with a fierce glare that he barked at Elliot that if he slowed them down any he would pay.

Elliot bit back a smart remark and instead just nodded. "Let's go."

Fin looked at Elliot like he had contracted some dangerous disease and he stormed out with Cragen by his side and Elliot at his heel.

"You said you had a weapon?" Cragen asked as they made their way through the maze of hospital hallways.

"Yeah. It's a .28, legally registered with a carry and conceal."

"Good. As of now you're back on NYPD's payroll so same rules apply to us apply to you but you know a shooting from your weapon won't look good so unless you feel your life is in immediate danger do not shoot."

You could practically hear the wink in Elliot's next words."I understand, Capt."

"No I don't think you do." Cragen turned round and faced him, throwing a pointed finger in his face. "That wasn't something I said for the benefit of paperwork, Elliot. You do NOT shoot him unless he's about to pull the trigger on you or one of us, do you understand me?"

Elliot paused for a moment before he nodded. "Yes, Sir."

Keeping his stare for a moment longer Cragen turned and carried on leading the trio towards the elevator. "He's in Albany right now," Cragen informed Elliot as he pressed the down button. "We make a quick stop in Queens for your weapon then we high tail it upstate."

"We put it out we're looking for him?"

"No. We gotta be the ones to get him in order for this to work," Fin told his old colleague as they got on the elevator.

Elliot nodded in agreement but said nothing further on the matter, knowing full and well not to ask any further questions until they wee in the privacy of their own car. If being a cop for over twenty years taught him anything it was that don;t trust any public place to discuss anything. No matter how careful you thought you were, you would get caught.

They rode the elevator down to the first floor where they went out to the parking garage Silently they made their way towards the car Cragen had brought him and Fin in. Elliot got in the back while Fin and Cragen got up front and in a shot they were off into the city they called home.

After several minutes of silence Cragen looked in the mirror at Elliot. "You still live in Queens?"

"Yeah. Same house too."

Cragen nodded as he turned back towards the road and the car was filled with a deep tense silence once more. Another minute or two passed before Elliot nodded towards Fin. "How's Ken doing?"

Fin shrugged. "He still blames me for all his problems in life but he's good. He got a engaged last month."

"That's good," said Elliot with a gentle smile. "You like him?"

Fin shrugged again. "I really haven't spent that much time with him but I know he treats my son right and that's the most important thing."

Elliot nodded before he leaned back up against the seat and gazed out the window. "So," Fin said as he cleared his throat. "How's your kids? What did you have like six?"

"Five," Elliot corrected as he cleared his throat. "Maureen decided to take after Kathy and is working at Sacred Saint as an RN, married a Pharmacist for a year and a half, just had her first kid two months ago."

"You're a grandfather?" Cragen asked with slight amusement. "Congratulations."

"Thanks," Elliot said with a grin at the thought of his first grandson. "His names Patrick and he's amazing. But anyway Kathleen just got her Masters in social services and work's at a counselor in a women shelter in Brooklyn, Lizzie's still has no idea what she wants to do with her life but she;s leaning towards something in law enforcement and Dickie just finished boot camp at Paris Island a month ago."

Cragen's eyes grew wide as he whipped back towards him. "You let him join?"

"He was eighteen, I didn't have a choice. But the lifestyle agrees with him so..."

Cragen nodded as he turned back towards the road. "Well next time you see him tell him thank you."

"Of course."

"And even though you don't work at the precinct anymore, if you ever need ANYTHING regarding Dickie or any of your kids, you let me know, you understand me?"

"Yes, Sir. Thank you."

Cragen gave a curt nod before he twisted back towards the winding roads in front of him. No one talked the rest of the journey which lasted what seemed like forever, each men knowing every second past was time that Lewis was moving further and further north.

When they finally reached their destination Elliot all but raced out of the car and towards the house. He all but barged into the home and disturbed Kathy who was reading a book silently on the couch. When she heard the door open the blonde looked up from the printed words and she quickly abandoned her spot on the couch and ran over to him. "What's going on? How's Olivia?" she asked as he made his way up the stairs.

"It's bad, Kath. He... he tortured her for two days straight."

"Jesus," she breathed as he walked into his bedroom with her hot on his trail. "Is she gonna be okay?"

"Physically, probably, but emotionally? I have no idea. She was pregnant, Kath, and he killed her baby and her boyfriend was attacked and in a coma..."

Kathy froze in the doorway as her eyes grew wider then they had ever been. "Who... who the hell would do something like that?"

"A beast," Elliot spat as he began working on opening his gun safe. When he finally heard the tell tale click he opened it and retrieved his civilian weapon and five ten clip magazines. "And I'm going hunting."

Kathy's attention turned towards the gun in his hand and she shook her head as she stormed up to him. "No, Elliot. You can't do this."

"He raped my partner."

"Let Cragen handle this," she pleaded as tears pricked at her eyes. She came over and stood in front of him. "You're not a cop anymore."

"I can't let him get away with this."

"Elliot, please!" Elliot turned towards her and swallowed hard when he saw a tear streaming down her cheek. "I know you miss it but ever since you turned in your papers I have been able to live in peace knowing my husband and the father of my children will come home to me every night."

"This isn't about chasing some cheap thrills, Kathy, he raped her! He burned her with cigarettes and cut her and humiliated her... I can't stand for that, I WON'T stand for it!"

"And what if you get killed? If this guy already hurt one of the bravest and strongest women I've ever known, you really think he'll hesitate to kill you? I'm not gonna lose you Elliot, I had too many close calls when you were working and I deserve some peace. YOU deserve some peace, okay our CHILDREN deserve some peace!"

"I'll get peace when the man who raped Olivia is lying in a body bag."

He reached back to grab his holster and his carry and conceal permit before he turned back to her, his face falling when he saw more tears make their way down her face. He swallowed hard as he wrapped his arms around her. Kathy threw her arms around him and buried her tear stained face in his broad shoulder. "I don't wanna lose you," she cried, her voice marred with fallen tears.

"You won't," he whispered towards her, inhaling the scent of her silk like blonde hair. "Ever. But... but this is something I have to do. I abandoned her with nothing, Kathy... I owe her this."

"You don't owe her your life."

"I owe her the peace of mind knowing I helped capture the man who raped her. I can't let him get away with hurting like he did, Kathy, and deep down you know this."

Kathy held the embrace for several more moments before Elliot pulled away. He looked down at her, blue eyes meeting blue for a moment that was far too short for his liking before he leaned in and kissed her soft red lips, unwilling to think for both their sakes this may be the last time he ever felt her lips against his.

After several moments he pulled away and he gently lifted her chin so she was staring into his eyes. "I'm coming back, Kathy. Never doubt that. Even for a second, you hear me? I will come back to you."

The words he had so often spoke to her in the beginning days of their marriage, the very last words he told her before the Marines shipped him off halfway across the world, for the woman standing in front of him, never rang as true as they did then.

She could see the fire in his eyes, fire she hadn't seen in such a long while it almost made her frightened but in a crazed sense it calmed her. Elliot was determined to catch the man who raped his best friend, come hell or high water, for he would fight through both. And it was that sheer determination, the burning embers shining like a torch against the midnight sky, that told her that he would conquer his enemy and make good on his promise to come home to her.

So it was with a heavy heart that Kathy nodded. "Go. Find him, lock him up, do whatever but don't let this be in vein. Promise me you'll get justice for her, Elliot."

"I promise. I'll always promise."

With a final kiss, each trying to convey over thirty years of love into a single embrace, he pulled away from her and didn't turn back.

When Kathy heard the front door shut she couldn't help the tears that rushed forward as she slid down the wall and began to sob for her husband.

XxXxX

"This is bullshit," Amaro muttered to Rollins as he paced back and fourth in front of Olivia's bed. "I'm her partner, not that head case anger management poster boy! Okay, if anything deserves to be out there right now looking for the man that hurt him it's me!"

Amanda simply remained silent as she watched the agitated Detective try to work through his anger with no success.

"Nick, you gotta calm down," Amanda pleaded. "You getting upset isn't helping anything."

"I'm not helping anything!" he shouted. "I'm sitting here doing nothing because Cragen thinks I'm responsible for what happened!"

"No one thinks that. He think it's too personal for you, you're her partner."

"Yeah? Then why the hell is Stabler out there with them? Okay there's a reason that psycho was thrown out of SVU and I'm guessing it's not because he knows how to control his temper."

"Don't call him that."

Both Nick and Amanda turned towards the cracked dry voice that came from the bed and saw Olivia with her eyes halfway open and was shaking her head. "He's an ass but he's not a psycho and he choose to leave SVU, he wasn't thrown out."

Amanda gave Olivia a tired smile. "Hey, Liv. How you doing?"

Olivia turned towards the blonde sitting at her bedside and tears began abundantly apparent. "N o..." she whimpered as she shook her head.

Amaro abandoned his post at the foot of her bed and hurried over to her side. "Liv what's wrong?" he said softly as he kneeled beside her bed.

The brunette let out a sob as she shook her head slowly, tears streaming down her face, not turning away from Amanda. "You weren't supposed to see me like this. You weren't... Oh God."

Amanda felt her own tears jump to her eyes but she fought with every ounce of strength she possessed to leave them unfallen. "Liv, it's fine. I just wanted to see you."

"No it's not fine," Olivia barked at her as she wiped her tears away only to have more come. "The one person I didn't want seeing me like... like this," she motioned to her body encased in the cheap white hospital gown and covered with a blanket, bruises and burns littering what wasn't covered by clothes, "saw me and I don't... I didn't want you too. You already saw me... saw me after he left, I didn't want you to see me like this either and I just- everything is so screwed up right now..."

A new wave of tears made their way down her bruised cheeks.

"Liv, I... I'm sorry, I just wanted to see you. I'll... I'll go though if that's what you want."

Amanda swallowed the painful lump in her throat as she stood up, half expecting Olivia or even Nick to protest that she stay but received not such thing. With an attempt to give the woman laying in the hospital bed a smile, she turned and left the room, gently shutting the door behind her.

Nick took over Amanda's recently vacated seat and leaned forward with his elbows resting on his knees. "You doing okay?" he inquired softly.

A shrug of the shoulders was her answer as she lightly pushed the tears from her face. "No," she answered in a trembling breath. "I feel... I feel tired but restless at the same time. I can't even remember what happened after the Doctor told me..." A new wave of emotions she hadn't even thought about figuring out yet came crashing down upon her as she was reminded of the heartache that Lewis had given her. Her lip trembled unmercifully as she rubbed her flat now heavily scarred stomach where unbeknownst to her a tiny life had been even if it was only for a short time.

Amaro leaned back in his chair, eying her carefully to see if another break was close at hand but the only emotions she showed was a sadness he never wanted to experience.

But her words unsettled him. She hadn't remembered her episode. She hadn't remember the horrific screaming or screaming out for her unconscious lover or the drugs the Doctors had given her. She didn't remember any of it.

He leaned forward slightly. "Liv..." He treaded carefully. "You... you say you don't remember anything from after the Doctor spoke to you about the miscarriage?"

Olivia thought for a moment, silently mouthing what her mind was trying to show her only to succeed in getting faulty blurry images. "I..." she breathed slowly, "I remember someone was screaming. A woman... she sounded so hurt and she was calling for someone. Oh God is Amanda-!"

"No," said Amaro not giving her a chance to think that a moment longer. "Amanda's fine. But the woman screaming was you." Her face fell, it's emotions masked with shock. "Me... I was the one screaming?"

Amaro confirmed her thoughts with a nod. "Yes. You were yelling out for Brian and... and your baby. One of the Doctor's tried to restrain you but Elliot threw them off then they gave you some drugs that made you go to sleep."

Olivia shook her head as she inched away from him, praying to a deity she didn't believe in to make her disappear completely. "I... I didn't mean...I'm sorry."

Amaro abandoned his chair and kneeled in front of her. "Listen to me, Olivia, no one blames you for that."

She sniffed and rubbed her stomach again. "He killed my baby."

"It's okay, Liv." Amaro raised his hand to reassure her with a gentle shoulder rub but though better of it and quickly put his hands in his lap again. "You and Brian will have another one."

Olivia shook her head. "How can he ever want something this damaged? Plus he's never been good with rape victims. I don't think he'll stick around," she admitted with a sorrowful mutter.

"He will Liv," Amaro said, trying to convince her of something he too had doubts about. "He loves you, Olivia."

Olivia shook her head as she turned towards him. "How could he ever love me after this?"

When Amaro opened his mouth to protest, to tell her Brian would always love her and he knew it wasn't his fault, a grave announcement came over the hospital speakers.

"Code Blue in room 313. Assistance needed Stat. Code blue room 313."

Amaro had heard those kind of announcements all day but he had ignored them only this one he couldn't for terrifying reasons.

Brian was in room 313...

4 Days Earlier

Cragen's eyes widened as Olivia's word's registered with him. The landlady beside him gasped and threw her hand to her mouth.

Olivia swallowed hard as shew stood up from the floor and headed over to her captain. "Come on," she whispered softly placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Let's get out of here."

"I was just with her last night," he muttered without turning from the body on the couch.

Olivia swallowed as she nodded towards the hallway. "Let's go."

Cragen held his view for another moment before he turned and headed out of the apartment with the landlord following, gently shutting her door behind her.

"Sh- she has three children," the landlord said as she wiped away her newly fallen tears. "I'll call them now."

Without another word she headed away from the duo leaving them outside the apartment alone. Olivia turned towards her captain who still seemed to be in shock over what he saw in the apartment. "Go home," said Olivia. "I'll call CSU and handle this."

If he heard what she said he made no notice that he did. He merely stood there looking at the apartment with a sadness in his eyes that Olivia had never before seen in her captain. "Don." He finally turned towards her as she placed a hand on his shoulder. "I got this, I promise. Go home."

Cragen finally turned towards her, fighting with every ounce of strength he possessed not to shed a tear in front of her. "This is all my fault." His voice was nothing but a harsh trembling whisper.

"Captain-."

"Maybe if I had followed my instincts and gone back to see her when I first went there-."

"We don't know that this is related."

"She was raped and tortured for nineteen hours then three days later she's..." He sniffed and turned away from the younger brunette. Olivia's heart crumbled at as she watched Cragen try to hide his tears from the younger Officer. He took several deep breaths before he turned back to her. "We have to make Lewis pay for this. He can't get away with.. .with causing this."

"He won't," Olivia assured him. "I _promise_ I will get him for this."

Cragen just gave her another heartbreaking look before he took a deep breath. "Get CSU here. Tell them-."

"I know. Go home, Captain. Take tomorrow off and just rest up a little bit okay?"

Despite all that had happened Cragen managed a sad chuckle. "Wow. You may get that Lieutenant title sooner then I thought..."

Olivia merely offered a gentle smile before she clapped him on the shoulder again. "Go home, Don."

Without another word he turned towards the elevator and disappeared with Olivia looking after him.

After he had left she quickly called CSU along with Amaro to let him know what was going on with the case and Barba to let them know their victim was now dead.

With zero evidence of foul play CSU was only there for a half hour before they wheeled her out in a body bag with Olivia following.

When she reached the precinct she found Amaro and Fin had run out to deal with a statutory case they had been working on prior to all this, and Amanda was working diligently at her desk on the paperwork for Lewis.

"We got a problem," she informed the younger blonde detective.

Amanda immediately dropped her pen and turned towards Olivia. "What's going on? How'd the trial prep go?"

"As worse as a trial prep can go."

"She isn't prepared?"

"Worse. She isn't alive."

Amanda's eyes went wide as she stood up from her desk and went up to Olivia. "What the hell do you mean she isn't alive? What happened to her?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "Me and Cragen went to prep her, found her on her couch dead. There's no foul play, no evidence of anything."

"I can't believe this," Amanda muttered. "This is Lewis! It has to be!"

"Which is why I have them putting a rush on the results. But for now just finish up your paperwork, make sure there's not a 'I' undotted or a 'T' not crossed. Last thing we need is for him to get off on a paperwork error."

Amanda nodded as she turned back to the files in front of her, now paying twice as much attention as she normally would have. Olivia turned her attention to her own paperwork and tried to concentrate on it but her mind was too full to allow the accommodation of the mind numbing words on the papers on her desk.

An hour passed and with no word from Warner Olivia threw down her pen and looked over at Amanda. "You get something to eat yet?"

"No, I've been dealing with all this."

"Go get lunch."

"But I'm-."

"No buts, you have to eat."

Amanda rolled her eyes but said nothing about her as she puled on her jacket. "You want anything."

"No I'm good."

"So I have to eat-."

"Do as I say not as I do. Plus my stomach has been a little off lately."

"You okay?"

"I'm sure it's nothing some Pepto won't help but I'm seeing a doctor this Monday just in case."

Amanda nodded before she grabbed her purse from the floor before she headed out of the precinct. When she was finally alone Olivia reached into her desk and after making sure no one she knew was watching her, grabbed the thin black framed glasses and sighed in relief as she gazed down at the paperwork she could actually see clearly now without having to squint

She worked steadily for a few minutes before her cell rang and she quickly slid off her reading glasses as if the person on the other line could hear the frames. She looked down at the caller ID and froze as she read the name displayed.

Brian was making good on his promise. This was the call he had promised her. If she picked up they would get back together but if she ignored it they would be over.

As she stared at her phone, her heart raced and her mind was filled with everything that had happened to them in the last week. He had done everything he could to prove just how much he cared for her and she had just thrown it all away because she was terrified of being hurt by him again.

She almost wondered if it would be better to just allow him to move on and be happy with a woman who would actually treat him the way he deserved.  
As Olivia stared at the number, her finger hesitating over the 'answer call' button, she felt tears well in her eyes. She was being selfish. She did care for him but she wouldn't hurt him anymore. She was too damaged and it wasn't fair to him.

With tears in her eyes her finger moved over top the answer button to the big red 'ignore' key, willing herself to press it...

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